Even though E3 is this week, I'm not really interested in what's coming out in the next one to five years for three reasons.
Number one, the Playstation 4's library has expanded enough that I can sort through what's already out and be content for the next two years, and by then some well-liked games from E3 2018 have come out, allowing me to avoid the pain of impatience.
Number two, it seems this generation has utterly failed to prove that gaming has innovated beyond hyper-realistic, high-quality graphics that PCs $200 cheaper with five times the library size have accomplished five years ago. Even if it's an exaggeration, I'm concerned that the [Western] gaming industry still correlates pretty graphics and orchestral flair to high quality art and advanced technical achievement.
It might take some time for me to work on fresh content because finally, FINALLY, I am gainfully employed!
I started just over a week ago and the hours are kinda long; however, the first real step into adulthood has happened for me. Not too shabby for a May 2016 graduate to get the first job over a year and a half later with benefits in one of the more expensive cities in the United States. Having my own place to live alone is still a long way to go, but the fact I'm making gains towards it is a plus.
Hell, I'm more psyched that planning a vacation in Japan is much closer to reality than ever before. I need to actually use what I've been learning incrementally.
So, yeah, 2018 has started off pretty well for me. How's the rest of the world?
Well, I guess I have no right to bitch about something I was asking for and whining about for six months.
Still, it's such a shame. Just when my brain and heart have successfully completed couples therapy, amicably decided not to file a divorce, and happily started to get along again... my best friend repaid me for my dragging her into the insane maelstrom that this show birthed by sharing the news of this super special awesome DVD/Blu-ray box set the other day.
I guess I still have a lot of recovering to do from the hard punch to the face my arrogant ego deserved.
... And did I say I need twenty lifetimes worth of showers to purify my soul? I actually need a million. And that still might not be enough.
Personal crack... too powerful... must... resist...
*weeps at the email receipt from PayPal and Funimation*
Looking on the bright side, at least the box set uses my favorite promotional image of Yuuri and Victor. Might as well have something nice to look at as I complete my nosedive into obsessive fangirl hell.
Seriously though, thank you, Em, for my early birthday gift. The last time I squeed so loudly and uncontrollably was when I saw HIM perform live in 2010.
Honestly, I really am extremely happy I can finally buy Yuri!!! on Ice. The wait for February will kill me, but at least I know it'll be totally worth it.
Real life remains a priority for me, even though some mild depression has dampened my motivation to get out of my rut of unemployment. I can't say how good things look at this point, but I still have enough energy to keep moving, even if the overly critical voice in my head loves to find new ways to subvert any progress I've made. The fact I'm aware of my current state of mind means I'm starting off on the right foot when I start to take action.
That said, I'm still uploading my Persona 3 fanfic, Through the Empty Spiral, on AO3 (30 chapters as of this post), and I'm trying to get my own original story off the ground. A few scenes have come to life, and a dozen characters are begging for their time to shine, so I have plenty of ideas to sculpt and polish. Once I have a more concrete design plan and an actual narrative timeline structured, I might rant about some of the problems I've run into and other concerns floating around my head as I break down this seemingly herculean project.
Entertainment-wise, I've been watching season 2 of March Comes in Like a Lion and fighting every urge to adopt Rei Kiriyama as my son or little brother, and I admit I'm tempted to watch My Hero Academia due to my thirst for shonen anime kicking into overdrive after years of avoiding the genre. Long-running anime with substantial filler content are too great of a commitment and One Piece never did anything for me despite trying multiple times. Thus My Hero Academia, which seems to be running in concise, tight few-episode seasons, may be a safe investment at this point. Maybe a Japanese take on superheroes will provide a different kind of story I can get behind compared to the unavoidable decade-plus-and-still-running Marvel and DC typhoon. If all else fails, an anime reviewer I once followed in high school recommended Busou Renkin many years ago, and I'm enjoying it enough so far. And there is always JoJo's Bizarre Adventure if I'm that desperate. I have options.
My music listening habits has taken a strange turn this year. My Spotify playlists suddenly have 80s, 70s, and 60s hits that radio stations my parents listened to during my childhood, and a few recent pop hits slipped in too. The former is nostalgia hitting me in a sudden wave, and the latter is my best friend's bachelorette party playlist indoctrinating me for an entire weekend during the summer. Although by my own volition I have slowly become a small fan of Charli XCX (hence my Music Mood having "Black Roses" a while ago) after listening to some songs that appeared in The Sims 3 (which I can no longer play thanks to computer problems *sobs*), and I danced for joy when Marilyn Manson dropped his latest album a few weeks ago.
As for movies and video games? The last film I saw in theaters was It, which is both one of the better and more frustrating horror films as of late due to it squandering its diamond-quality potential with severe tonal inconsistencies and an abusive number of tactless and moment-killing jump scares. At least the Nostalgia Critic's review made me laugh harder than I ever had over his content in years. Beyond It and Saw 1, no films impacted me in a meaningful way this year.
The same can be said about video games, since I already discussed (in some detail) Mass Effect: Andromeda and Persona 5. However, I recently impulse-bought Yakuza Kiwami and called it crack on Twitter. The gameplay is addictive as hell, the characters bleed so much delicious ham and cheese, and I get to soak up more little (albeit fictional) things about Japanese culture and the yakuza, so call that game a net positive experience.
All of that said, seeking escapism and looking into myself for refuge against the insanity of the world only works for so long. That might be why I am feeling more melancholic and pessimistic than usual. Being thoughtful and introspective doesn't help when everyone in the world is screaming bloody murder over every little thing until nothing seems to matter anymore. We are in chaotic times, and I wish I knew how to navigate the colossal, seemingly planet-sized hurricane.
It's still too soon to render judgment on the state of things in 2017, but at least beloved celebrities weren't dying on a bimonthly basis like last year. (Oh, yes, I am still butthurt that David Bowie and Alan Rickman died within days of each other in January 2016. That was one of the worst weeks of my life.) Sure, the orange monkey still tweets like a tantrum-throwing toddler with immunity from being banned for some unfathomable reason, cock-measuring contests between the US and North Korea has me fear for Japan's and South Korea's safeties, and reputations are getting slaughtered over things as small as illogical accusations and blatant corruption, but at least getting stabbed with acupuncture needles every day still beats a shotgun to the balls every week! I'm bleeding, but I can still force myself to smile when I have to!
It's a miracle I still retain some sanity and have not succumbed to the "breaking news" bullshit the media farts every second by listening to political podcasts from different sects of the political spectrum back when it still mattered. I try my best to not become too political here despite this being my personal blog, but since I have had some people leave comments who did not agree with my thoughts at all, worrying constantly will do no one any good. You are your own worst critic, and I have said some scathing things about myself that other people haven't conceived of yet. It won't stop trolls and negative comments, but some self-awareness goes a long way.
So if any bridges are to be burned over what I say, so be it. Don't let me stop you. I'm not going to cry over the loss of the negative two hundred followers I actually have. Because I'm not going to throw a tantrum over every stupid thing the president and his administration says or does, and I'm not going to blindly follow a political side or cause solely on the basis of how moral an ideology or person supposedly is. A lot of people in the world are suffering and are in pain, every side has a slither of truth and a slither of falsehoods; the last thing I want is to develop a knee-jerk habit of devaluing a human being because they do not share ideas, educational background, or opinions with me. And yes, that means that I am not going to punch a Nazi unless in legitimate, legally defined self-defense because they tried to physically and deliberately cause injury to me (them simply existing does not count).
The state of the world at the moment... sadly.
Now that I got that out of the way and my readership fell to -10,000, I can be left to listen to so-bad-it's-fun music on Spotify and vent my frustrations with American politics into another potential novel that likely won't be published until I'm on my deathbed. Or watch teenagers with bizarre hair punch each other in crazy, nonsensical ways.
Bless the age of streaming, even with the obnoxious commercials. My soul feels slightly cleaner now that I can watch a good portion of anime on legitimate websites.
Once I purchased Persona 5, I fell into a deep rabbit hole in which I think I'm climbing back out of. It's hard to say at this point since I'm still in the middle of being distracted. I haven't streamed or updated my blog due to my narrow focus as of late. At least I have uploaded nearly 20 chapters of my Persona 3 fanfic on a semi-regular weekly basis, though I had to pause briefly to make some additional changes to my drafts before continuing the upload.
I will keep working on my Mass Effect: Andromeda post, but with the three released patches and the news that Bioware's Montreal team is being downsized due to all the backlash and EA being EA, I still don't feel entirely confident rendering judgement on the game. My excitement has sobered considerably, particularly because Persona 5 is vastly superior in nearly every single way, and I have been unable to bring myself to complete my third run with my Vetra-mancing Ryder despite being 75% done the main story. That sentence might damn the game more than a long rant, but I have to be honest about where I'm sitting as of today.
Rather than focus on lukewarm topics, I'll share more positive news.
I am so happy right now. My grin is bigger and wider than my face. Considering how stressful the past year has been, this is exactly what I needed. If nothing else, Mass Effect: Andromeda has consumed my life enough that I have walked into work completely exhausted and tired three days in a row. And it was worth it.
Four years life through college later and the waiting is over at last. Finally. Fucking finally.
Since I am still relatively close to the beginning of the game (over 15 hours and nearly 20% complete according to my save file as of my writing this), I will make a multi-bullet-pointed first impressions post. Twitter does not accommodate my gift in writing essays, and my poor baby needs some love, so blog away I shall!
Over the past few years, I've been struggling with finding a way to express myself that I am comfortable with and not feel bored in the process. This blog has helped me a lot in high school, but I know I've been neglecting it due to my personal insecurities and the changes in my personal life. It doesn't help that college was just a busy time for me in general. The timing couldn't be more perfect: last year, when my activity here was at an all-time low, I had the most visitors.
There went a window of opportunity and growth that I missed.
Anywho. Since I graduated from college almost a year ago, and the possibilities are endless, I'm now trying to change how I approach my hobbies to see if I can do anything with them besides hiding in a corner and wailing. I started by posting my fanfic, Through the Empty Spiral, over a month ago on a semi-weekly basis. I can't be a better writer unless it's out there to get praise or ridicule. There are still a few posts I have not yet published, and I want to work on them so fewer untouched items sit at the bottom of the basket.
Yep. I dabbled in streaming. By myself. While sober.
Me. Doing anything based in video. Me, who had two panic attacks in my public speaking course in my freshman year and somehow still got a B. The me who stutters and rambles if I don't have a script handy. The me who has no following whatsoever and pretends that at least one person likes what I say on this vast, open, wild and free country known as the internet.
Past me would hate current me for my nerve.
Well, time and events do change people. The me from 2010 would not recognize the me of 2017. Honestly, not changing would have made me an insufferable person, and I still have enough energy in me to make changes and improvements when necessary and practical. If writing alone isn't enough to get me excited or to motivate me to learn, well, I do the very thing that I once claimed I would never, ever attempt.
In my personal experience, being late to hop onto the bandwagon is better than never. There are still a lot of kinks to iron out with streaming (some of which can't be avoided due to my less than perfect internet connection and the PS4 not being a PC powerhouse), but I thought, "Why the fuck not? Try it out and see if you like it. If it works out, that's awesome; if not, at least you tested your limits." As of this post, I have two sessions saved on my Twitch archive, and once they vanish thanks to the 14-day limit they will sit on the Youtube account I have thanks to Google. I doubt anything will come out of this, but I'm willing to try a medium outside of my comfort zone. Writing comes much more naturally to me than speaking or making videos, so this unmarked territory will bring all sorts of challenges I never had the chance to know about or attempt to overcome.
I am uncertain how things will play out this year, especially when my current job will end this July and finding a new one will be me fighting the same anxiety demon as I did last summer. If this helps keep me sane and I learn a few things about myself along the way, then I'll feel like I accomplished something.
In the meantime Mass Effect Andromeda comes out nine days from now, and my bank account hates me for it. I will likely be off the map for a while, gushing and squeeing over the return to the world of Mass Effect in a new, refreshing way, but when in doubt, I will likely say something on Twitter.
Maybe if I'm ballsy enough, I might stream a bit of Andromeda... as soon as I make changes to the resolution and fix the audio. And pray my internet doesn't crap out on me. Baby steps, me, baby steps...
Three days ago I caught wind of HIM calling it quits this year. They're holding one last tour across the globe to celebrate 26 years of music spanning eight albums, dozens of singles, and a bunch of bonus albums with remixes, live performances, and music videos. If I can make it to any of the shows in the US, that'd be great. If not... well... once is better than never, right?
To be honest, I'm not entirely shocked they're breaking up. It's been a few years since Tears on Tape's release, and I was concerned that it was playing a bit too much on the safe - if not stale - side. The lineup had not changed in over a decade until Gas left a few years ago. Without any major updates, I was waiting patiently, only to learn from one of my internet friends from Finland about this recent development.
I... I think I'm ok with this. I will never claim they're the best band to ever live. Not by a long shot. I'm an unapologetic fangirl for this band, and Ville Valo raised my standards for men above and beyond the realm of reality, but I'm not stupid.
HIM were a goofy, strange band with an eclectic, diverse, and dynamic style that works wonderfully for some and fails disastrously for others. Scared moral guardians took His Infernal Majesty from their early days way too seriously (hell, even my own parents did at first, funnily enough), and a legion of fans came around thanks to Bam Margera's fanboy-ism going to insane levels in the early to mid 2000s. And, yes, some of the more intense fragments of the goth fans did sometimes get melodramatic about the band to the point that serious music critics could barely take HIM seriously. And most of all, some of Ville's lyrics are cringe-inducing in how corny, lame, intense, and sappy they can be; Razorblade Romance, even with its vibrant, migraine-splitting pink cover, is audio candy so sweet that you'll get diabetes and need a limb or two amputated before the halfway mark.
Despite all of that, they're my favorite band. They're my goofy, pseudo-goth band with their melodramatic brand of "love metal".
I literally fell in love with their music on Valentine's Day in my freshman year of high school. I pre-ordered two of their albums, both of which arrived at the very moments I needed them most: leaving school early due to illness, only for snow to cancel school the next day, and returning home from college to find items to help me complete my final assignment in an art course. They were the first concert I ever went to, and I was fuming when Ville came out on stage with his curly hair completely chopped off; I saved my babysitting money for tickets, and I bought my fingerless gloves, a sweatshirt, and a shirt that I still hold onto. They made me feel like a normal high school girl when I feared I felt too different, having pictures of Ville Valo cover the inside door of my locker, crushing hard on the tall, dark-haired baritone, and listening to all of their albums inside and out until I nearly memorized the lyrics to every single song. I was so happy to love a band that sounded as great live as they did in the studio, something that seems so rare for some reason. And I cannot stress how much I admire Ville Valo for being a singer and multi-instrumentalist as well as a songwriter in rock and metal, another unfortunate rarity these days.
HIM helped me endure period cramps that would leave me bedridden for two days. They inspired me to expand my taste in music further by listening to their influencers, including Type O Negative and Black Sabbath. They helped fuel some of my passion for writing, and they helped me focus on my long, overdone Persona 3 fanfic. They had fun with their art, making me laugh over interviews and live performance recordings throughout the years. They burned a big hole in my wallet that I proud of. They shined a little light on a country many people overlook due to them being so far north in the cold, and I wanted to learn more about Finland's language, culture, and art almost as much as anime made me fascinated in Japan. They taught me to not take my interests and opinions too seriously when others disagreed with me. They let me cry and be vulnerable when my parents divorced, when I left home for college, when I moved out of my mom's house, when I panicked about grades, when I searched for a job, and when I struggled with my confused feelings about love.
March 26, 2010, the day I lived a full life.
HIM helped me grow up. HIM made me a stronger person. HIM is a warm blanket that I have outgrown and has holes in it from overuse, but they always brought me joy when I needed them. I laughed and cried over a group of men I will never meet because their talents and abilities as artists created something beautiful and unique that can never be replaced.
And now... they're gone.
More than them breaking up and moving on to other projects, I lament how short those seven years of my being a fan were. There is no new album to look forward to anymore. It feels strange, eerie, like a sudden death of a friend. I'll miss HIM. I'll miss them so much. I will continue to treasure their music, and one day, I will have a heartagram tattoo in my skin. Every music fan has a group or song that means the world to them. HIM meant still means the world to me.
Ville, Linde, Mige, Burton, and Gas, godspeed, you adorable music nerds. Good luck to everything you boys do in joy and sorrow. Thank you.
*sniff* ... I managed this much without crying, and I'm failing. Shit, their music makes me wanna cry all the time now.
Damn it, I need to laugh.
I am so glad I saved all of these images on my computer over the years. XD
Hello, people. It's me. I know I've been inactive for 75% of the year, but I'm still alive. I needed a long break, and now I'm feeling better, despite this year being... this year.
2016 was such a crappy year. I want to comfort the me from January who cried for days after Alan Rickman's death and try not to admit that the year would only get worse. Because, holy shit, 2016 got so much worse after January. Everyone and their mother has listed dozens of reasons why 2016 sucked ass, so I won't go on a long rant here today. It's Christmas and I'm feeling mellow at the moment. Not being bombarded by Christmas songs this year helped a ton.
Rather than dwell too much on the orange monkey that will lead my country and all the authoritarian politicians who want to drag us back to the Cold War era with bashing communism and Russia, I want to focus on some of the positives of this year in a quick post.
First, I have a job. Not a fantastic-paying job, but it's a job. I don't wake up dreading going there every morning despite cursing my hatred of mornings. I haven't had much time to write because I channeled most of my energy into looking for work and finding a place to live after I graduated in May. I said goodbye to suburban Pennsylvania and moved to the city. Things have settled for the most part, and I've adapted to my work environment well.
Second, I took a Japanese class to keep my brain preoccupied. More than anything I miss learning new things and having discussions about deep subjects, so the class was a good 10-week investment. Thankfully I am doing well enough that I can still indulge in my hobbies.
Third, I must confess... I got a Playstation 4.
I cannot look at the controller and not remember Yahtzee's "rectangular clitoris" comment. XD
I only have the Game of the Year Edition of Dragon Age Inquisition, which has made me beyond thrilled to finally play that epilogue. If nothing else, Dragon Age has helped me get through this awful year. I met more internet friends to chat with, I got back into writing, and I sank way too many hours in a game series that has fried my nerves more than Mass Effect has done. Nothing has made me as emotional upset since the ending of Mass Effect 3, until I learned how much I wanted to fry eggs.
Anywho.
At this point in my life, I don't think I'm going to post here as often as I used to. This was always a personal blog for me and my hobbies, and as much as I wondered if I wanted to do more with this, I'm glad this has remained small. Hopefully next year will start off less awful, and maybe I'll be a bit more active.
If not, I'm on Twitter.
Meanwhile, my next big goal is to save up enough money so I can have a gaming PC. Since I have a Twitch account ready for that, I'll keep my mind open to streaming. Nothing too major.
"But what about that stupid Persona 3 fanfic you made a big deal about for, like, three years, Fangirl? Are you done with it yet?"
It'll be open to mass ridicule, insults, and humiliation very soon, actually, thanks for asking.
And Merry Christmas to you too.
In case I don't post anything again in the next few days...
Despite the usual stress of a humdrum life - along with my undergoing the five stages of grief over my graduating college in less than two months (oh superior being(s), I'm not readyfor this crap) - a few things in recent months have helped me calm my nerves. Job searching has been annoyingly difficult, but welcome to the real world, me. Having some outlets to find relief and escapism has helped me cope with more than just my lousy odds at having any kind of career. Look no further than the rowdy and colossal tsunami known as the American presidential race with the stupid orange-haired sub-primate who I will not name near the heart of the storm.
This has been the state of my brain for the past few months.
To give me more motivation to keep moving forward, I've invested in some basic stuff that I can use practically. I've been buying CDs more often than in the past since I drive more frequently for much longer distances. Though my music taste is still too niche for any FYE or Best Buy - and I don't feel like waiting forever with Amazon - I now plug my iPod in my car. Whenever I have my own place, I have some things from home that I claimed as "mine" so buying furniture won't be crazy or expensive. Aside from some financial lessons that need to be learned through trial and error, I can live anywhere in theory, which is liberating and scary.
Only recently I realized how most of the bands I discovered in high school have released new albums I did not hear one wit about. Perhaps I'm far more selective in my observation of the world than I thought, but hearing new Breaking Benjamin content for the first time in six years made my heart grow two sizes. Lacuna Coil's latest album Broken Crown Halo was rather dull compared to Dark Adrenaline but a new album this year will still catch my interest. The Birthday Massacre released Superstition in late 2014 and I've been listening to it whenever I can on loop. The lovely gentlemen in HIM finally found a new drummer a while back and they'll be working on new music soon. Having kept track of their progress on making Screamworks and Tears on Tape, I worry about them the least... unless one of them joins David Bowie.
To make amends for not looking into him much sooner, I bought his music, re-watched Labyrinth, and bumped his projects higher on my bucket list. Much different mourning happened with Alan Rickman though. Much like what happened during that one scene in Star Wars The Force Awakens, I cried like a baby the moment I heard of his death. Speaking of movies, I haven't seen much other than Star Wars, Crimson Peak, and The Martian. The Netflix selection has been kinda lame too with some of my favorites getting the boot for other movies and shows I couldn't care less about. The outlook for films this year doesn't look great either, so I might not go to the theater for any reason.
I'm really sick of superheroes at this point. Guess it'll take more time for the bubble to burst than I thought. Oh well. At least some aspects of nerd culture are celebrated in the mainstream... for better or worse.
Video game-wise... uncle. I bought Dragon Age 2 because an old friend of mine made a good case for it... and I love it. Damn it, Dragon Age, you won. ...I don't wanna talk about it.
Don't. Say. Anything. Morri.
To ignore my embarrassing and shameful defeat I went into my backlog and re-ignited my love for Sonic the Hedgehog just in time for the franchise's 25th year anniversary. I played through Sonic Adventure 2 for old time's sake and cried at the ending as I did twelve years ago when I was young and innocent and didn't know better. Like the music I was unaware of for years, I wanted to see what direction Sonic had taken - aside from the memes and jokes my online friends indulge in endlessly.
What I uncovered... troubled me. I know that reason and understanding can be alien concepts to the fanbase even on the best days, but I did not expect to see how thoroughly devastated the battlefield is. The Megami Tensei and the Persona "wars" spoiled me rotten, because I completely forgot how nightmarish the train wreck of a fanbase and the non-fans can be with the mere mentioning of "Sonic".
And that's before we get into the games, the spin-offs, the shows, and everything else in the franchise. All I want is to play the games when I'm bored, smile at the posters on my walls, and occasionally snuggle my plushies when I need a hug. The last thing I need are reminders of how the smallest changes can cause a fan to explode into outrage -
...
... Think happy thoughts, Fangirl. Think happy thoughts. It's just fiction. It's not real. Don't let your blood pressure explode over a fictional character you loved that made you a gamer be turned into offensive, pointless, shameless fanservice with none of the depth, care, complexity, and pathos you expected even during the Dark Age of Sonic with his game and '06. It's just a spin-off. There's no reason to go on a homicidal rampage over one of your favorite video game characters of all time who embodies the tropes and cliches that you can't help but love in other characters in all other forms of media just because one game completely fucks up his characterization and completely misses the point of who he is, his motivations, and his development from a villain to a neutral-aligned heroic rival -
Nope. I can't do it.
Fuck you, Big Red Button! Fuck you, SEGA, for letting this abomination destroy any dignity the real Shadow has left! BETRAYAAAAL!!!! THIS BETRAYAL WILL NOT STAND -
...
Aside from that, I've been well. There are a few drafts I need to polish up, so maybe I'll post something within the next week or so.
*remembers job searching and resume writing to work on*
Life has a wonderful way of throwing a billion priorities at you, and you're left confused in the middle of a deep valley surrounded by mountains. Yes, due to fulfilling college group requirements, attending a few daunting classes, planning for summer, analyzing my research, and prepping for possible conferences, I ignored Rants From a Fangirl for a few months. Honestly, I've been feeling more tired than usual. Before Spring Break, I was so mentally fatigued that I often slept in for twelve hours on weekends and took naps in the middle of the week, only to wake up more unhappy and frustrated with myself.
I have been feeling better lately though. Several internship opportunities I signed up for have all turned me down, but I've taken the rejection a lot easier than I had earlier this semester. I'm still at a point in my MegaTen research that I can't openly say how things are going, but I'm still working on it for school. (Just the other day, in fact, I stayed up until 2am working on it.) If I can't get anything else right, I hope my project works out well enough for my undergraduate record to look promising.
I know that this blog is supposed to not focus on my personal life, so I'll now talk about all the nerdy shit I've been up to when I should have been writing for my blog!
Papers, papers, papers, binders, papers, papers, all-nighters, papers, presentations, journals, binders, powerpoints, carpal tunnel in both wrists, dead iPod every other day, papers, essays and more papers and papers. I hardly slipped online to edit posts because of all the last-minute semester scrambling, stressing, and hair-pulling. Analyzing my research data is time-consuming; it's not easy going through over 700 responses, especially the ones who stuck around for my survey and filled in the open-ended questions. I'll be needing a ton of caffeine-loaded soda to get all my stuff done. But the light from my laptop is starting to strain my eyes, and sitting is making my bum sore.
In other news, I'll be relaxing for Thanksgiving and play some Persona 4 Ultimax. I'm convinced Persona Q won't arrive until next week, much to my profound chagrin. Apparently my preorder will fall on my doorstep this week, so I'll cry if that doesn't happen. When I'm sick of MegaTen-related stuff (which might not happen b/c Ultimax and hopefullyQ), I might play around with Mass Effect 3 to take some more last-second notes I may have forgotten about. Any other game I play will be a luxury.
Once winter break happens, I'll try to pump out a few posts to wrap up the year. I haven't done a music-related post in a while...
Eh... why the hell not? I haven't had the chance to talk about them anyway. Might have to pick up This Is War too for more context...
Anywho, everyone have a good week. Enjoy whatever you do to relax and be happy for a few days. If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, I still wish you a healthy sanity. We all need it to function, y'know.
And may the people of Ferguson have peace. They need all the positive energy they can get so these tragedies are finally taken seriously and stopped for good.
Seriously, this is getting beyond obscene and lands dead in the territory of inexcusable. Whether you have a badge or not, whether you're an adult or kid, stop shooting everyone, America. You're making our whole country, even the sensible and responsible gun owners and collectors, look like incompetent trigger-happy vigilantes belonging perfectly in the twisted, despicable worlds of The Walking Dead or The Last of Us. PLEASE STOP SOLVING CONFUSING CONFRONTATIONS WITH PUTTING A BULLET IN SOMEONE. There is ALWAYS a third option. ALWAYS.
NOTE: as of November 12, I have closed my survey. Thanks to the 700+ participants who helped me with this project! :)
In my last post I mentioned that I am currently taking a research class, where I learn about methods in conducting research and where I start a project on my own. Because October was such a busy, nerve-wrecking month, I admittedly have fallen behind in gathering data. So to catch up, I'll just say it.
I'm doing online ethnographic research on the Megami Tensei fanbase. In plain man's speak, I'm studying the people who play games in the MegaTen franchise. What games do they generally enjoy playing? What do they enjoy about MegaTen? How did they get introduced to the franchise? Why is MegaTen's popularity growing outside of Japan? What games helped to spread MegaTen love and why?
If you say Persona 4 Dancing All Night as an answer to every single question, I'm gonna smack you.
Maybe a cat will help, even if he/she isn't my own.
This is probably the most stressful semester I have ever had. Welcome to the adult world, Fangirl. It's only going to get busier and more hectic and more insane. Such is the beauty of life.
Anywho, hello and hiya, readers! If I somehow do not have carpal tunnel or a hunched back by the time I'm 30, it'll be a miracle. It'd be oddly amusing to finally relate to the hero of my favorite Disney movie ever, but I prefer not getting assaulted by a sea of flying tomatoes. Not until I get it on Blu-ray and set it next to my copies of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Hobbit, season 6 of House, Sucker Punch, and Daybreakers. One must be picky when investing in Blu-ray, y'know. That stuff is still pretty expensive for a college student. Plus, I gotta make my Playstation 3 live as long as my baby Gamecube.
Seriously though, I'm alright. Doing what I can, from digressive rants to snarky comments, to maintain sanity and stress so my brain doesn't implode. Midterms, paperwork, scheduling, meetings, fundraising, mentoring, and studying. And occasionally tweeting.
But to be in the spirit of the month, I guess I should mention that I watched people playing P.T. the other day. I'm still not getting a PS4 for a LONG time. But that Silent Hills playable trailer was really damn creepy, disturbing, and messed up (i.e. "I said look behind you!").
...A pity I won't be able to play it for a while. My PS3 is still many hours and gallons of gas away from me. Even though I preordered it over the summer, I will have to wait for at least another month or so before I can possibly pop the baby in and play it to my hearts content. I remember Persona 4 Arena was rather entertaining and fun. Fighting games were never my forte or preference, but P4A was friendly enough for me to complete the story campaign, which was shockingly decent, without resorting to seppuku. Usual moi, I avoided multiplayer because online people will serve me my own ass.
Since I have no proper ability to judge a fighting game on any merits, I don't think I'll ever formally review the Arena games. Likely I'll judge them as legitimate sequels to the Persona 3 and Persona 4 canon. One of my friends laughed at the notion, as fighting games aren't meant to have good stories anyway. Considering both Arena games are indeed canon AND legitimate sequels to P3 and P4, some kind of storytelling standards cannot be outright ignored by a relatively flimsy excuse. Will it plummet the game's quality down the toilet? No, it shouldn't. But a bad story can make what is otherwise a beautiful, flawlessly technical game earn an "okay" or "good" score, no matter how avoidable the unpleasant features are.
Which is why I'm glad I'm not playing Ultimax yet.
I'm worried. Deathly worried.
...
...
I may need to amend my review score for Persona 4. I'm sorry. I didn't know, guys. I didn't know things would get this stupid... Reading the spoilers thus far made me realize Empty Spiral, my sleazy excuse of Persona 3 fanfiction for shipping fanservice, is probably better written than Ultimax. Shadow the Hedgehog is a classic Shakespearian character next to Sho Minazuki.
So much potential... obliterated before my eyes.
... Please let this just be a false knee-jerk reaction. Please let this just be Fangirl's overblown knee-jerk reaction. PLEASE.
Exams and homework and Spring Break and DDS-Net and Skype stole my attention from this blog. ...My bad. ^_^'
By this point, just assume there will be a month or two per year when I suddenly vanish or provide no content. It doesn't help if I have writer's block. Like I do now. It's not just Rants From a Fangirl; my fanfic hasn't grown much in terms of length. Maybe I'm still burned out from the October 4th subplot ordeal or maybe I'm pretty close to the worst part of the original game: the horrible November-December angst festival of awful pacing.
Anywho.
To combat my everyday laziness and persistent afflictions of writer's block, I've made tons of progress in Shin Megami Tensei IV. My play hours sat at 15 for so many months, but now I've added another 17 or so in the span of a week. It's not a bad game, but the first several hours were just... frustrating to put it mildly.
Either Medusa - or Minotaur depending on your luck - can be a lot harder to fight than this video makes it look. I was not lucky enough to have as many useful skills for my demons. (Plus, my Flynn is more oriented to physical rather than magic attacks.) Then add my unfortunate luck in recruiting and negotiating with demons, often to the point I would run out of items, macca, HP, MP, or all of the above. I died... many times. I lost count. But if I can make a humiliating estimate, I died at least twice per hour. For twenty hours straight.
"FANGIRL, PLS! Y U SUK SO MUCH!!!!"
This game is the reason I can never go back to Persona 4 Golden. This game destroyed whatever faith I had in my already minuscule abilities and skills as a gamer. Shin Megami Tensei IV made me commit to forever starting off at the lowest or second-lowest difficulty setting in a video game. No exceptions.
Whenever I pick up a new game, I used to sometimes start on the easiest difficulty. Now, it will be a mandatory standard.
Feel free to call me a wimp, a weakling, a little girl, and a child crying over a video game that a manly man can handle but I can't. Considering this is how the video game culture can be at times, I'm not shocked anymore. I am well aware that I'm not the most competitive, the strongest, or the brightest tool in the shed, but for me, entertainment and immersion is my preference. If getting get used to a game's mechanics involves asking for help, consulting a guide, or lowering the difficulty, I'm not ashamed to do so. Besides, the guys on DDS-Net have scolded me for my newly cemented approach.
Now that I'm more interested in playing MegaTen games, I've started to notice that many fans in the fanbase have admitted to going online or asking friends for help on boss battles, negotiation techniques, and demon fusion. Sure, there is still some mocking and teasing going about to separate the chosen elitists from the demon chow, but I have not met one MegaTen fan who said, "Oh, yeah! I totally beat the demi-fiend in Digital Devil Saga in one try without any guides!" or "You can't beat Persona 2 Innocent Sin without a guide for persona fusions? You really suck!" If you are such a person, most people would assume you are lying through your teeth.
I once suggested on Skype for someone to play Nocturne on Hard Mode without dying once. One person - who first played Nocturne as a child - nearly started crying. Another told me to stop taking so many crazy pills. The rest said to leave that idea by the curb, run VERY far way, and never look back. Because... need I say anything more than check TV Tropes for the short answer?
Torturously stupid ideas aside, once I scaled down the difficulty of SMTIV, I enjoyed the game so much more. I went through normal mode for twenty hours before finally giving up my masochistic crusade. I sacrificed my pride and vowed to beat the game, even if everyone mocks me over "EASY MODO". So, believe it or not, I may review the game not long after I complete it! From what some friends told me, I'm at the halfway point and coming closer to the alignment lock. Whether I will be Lawful, Chaotic, or Neutral will be revealed soon.
My overall feelings of the game will be saved for once I review it. I don't want to cause a big stink like I did for Persona 4. But I will say that I'm enjoying SMTIV FAR BETTER than P4 overall.
Call me an elitist all you want, but I have more experience in school kids saving the world. Fighting through the demon apocalypse is still pretty new for me. I ain't a full fledged member who's committed to either side of the fence.
Once I'm done this game - and either Strange Journey or SMTI - I may have my answer.
Now excuse me, but I just ran into my archnemesis while wandering around Tokyo. And I'm at level 44.
For some odd reason my text gadget is glitching out. So my most recent "PSA From a Fangirl" will be a blog post instead. This won't happen very often. It's just a quick way for me to make a quick note about something that hit me. You might as well call it a tweet, only less toilet updates and celebrity gossip chains.
Anywho.
PSA From a Fangirl:
The US government has shut down today. Both Republicans and the President refuse to negotiate on the budget and health care reform.
China is free to demand us to cough up what we owe. North Korea is free to send out a nuclear missile. The terrorists are completely welcome to attack us on our soil again. Paranoid, hypocritical Christians are free to build their shelters when the supposed "Evil Islamic Armageddon" destroys the "good ol' 'Merican spirit!" "God bless the USA!"
Seriously. We are at our most vulnerable. We are practically begging for our country to crash and burn! We're practically asking for the nations our beloved fathers crafted for us to be decimated!! If these threats are real enough to manifest to enact change, please attack our country! We can't get anything done because of ideological and geopolitical cat fights. We need something to yank our heads out of our behinds! And I blame all Americans - soldiers, politicians, businessmen, rednecks, intellectuals, conservatives, liberals, Congress, the president, the judicial branch, the federal government, the state government, lobbyists, diplomats, the religious, the irreligious, every ethnicity that exists in this country, the proud, the stupid, the smart, the young, the old, families, singles, the married, the rich, the poor, the middle class, capitalists, socialists, anarchists, men, women, students, the healthy, the sick, the dying, the druggies, the alcoholics, the smokers, the immigrants, the natives, doctors, teachers, journalists, bloggers, paparazzi, celebrities, Youtube celebrities, comedians, talk show hosts, musicians, tax payers, tax collectors, government organizations, straight people, gay people, transgender people, the employed, the unemployed, those who cannot vote, those who can vote AND myself.
Because it's all our fault. WE LET THIS HAPPEN. ... ... ... I'm too young to be tired of the epic failures of this world. ... ... ... Y'know... I don't want to hate my home country. I honestly don't. The United States is my mother country and culture. I'm so embedded in it, I sometimes can't imagine myself living anywhere else and being just as satisfied. As much as I find China and Japan to have cool cultures and languages, I won't ever fit in there. I'd like to live in Europe sometime, but English is my only reliable form of communication. Plus, I'd stand out in a Caucasian continent. And let's not get started with politics, laws, money, and taxes...
Then I look at the state of the US now. We are so backwards and delusional. We're not the greatest country anymore. Hell, I doubt we ever were the greatest country in the world. We're just so rude, narrow-minded, arrogant, and irrational, it astounds me that we were once considered "the greatest country ever".
... ... ...
Yeah, I'm supposed to be a kid with big eyes and a drive to live on my own and make a different in the world.
Then the government shuts down because our leaders are so stubborn.
I guess we're just not motivated to do anything anymore. I know I'm fighting laziness and childish urges to crawl into a hole and play video games for the rest of my life. But when my elders show no desire to get work done, the sickness spreads and trickles down.
And this is the United States' greatest failure.
... ... ...
And it's been going on for nearly a decade.
... ... ... ... ... ... *checks calendar*
I can't wait 'till I turn 21. I need a superior-beings-damned drink...
