Nov 2017 Update: Trying [and Failing] to Dodge Bullets

Hello, dear readers!

Real life remains a priority for me, even though some mild depression has dampened my motivation to get out of my rut of unemployment. I can't say how good things look at this point, but I still have enough energy to keep moving, even if the overly critical voice in my head loves to find new ways to subvert any progress I've made. The fact I'm aware of my current state of mind means I'm starting off on the right foot when I start to take action.

That said, I'm still uploading my Persona 3 fanfic, Through the Empty Spiral, on AO3 (30 chapters as of this post), and I'm trying to get my own original story off the ground. A few scenes have come to life, and a dozen characters are begging for their time to shine, so I have plenty of ideas to sculpt and polish. Once I have a more concrete design plan and an actual narrative timeline structured, I might rant about some of the problems I've run into and other concerns floating around my head as I break down this seemingly herculean project.

Between Rei and Yuuri Katsuki, I don't know who I love more.
And adorable, squee-inducing fanart doesn't help my poor heart.

Entertainment-wise, I've been watching season 2 of March Comes in Like a Lion and fighting every urge to adopt Rei Kiriyama as my son or little brother, and I admit I'm tempted to watch My Hero Academia due to my thirst for shonen anime kicking into overdrive after years of avoiding the genre. Long-running anime with substantial filler content are too great of a commitment and One Piece never did anything for me despite trying multiple times. Thus My Hero Academia, which seems to be running in concise, tight few-episode seasons, may be a safe investment at this point. Maybe a Japanese take on superheroes will provide a different kind of story I can get behind compared to the unavoidable decade-plus-and-still-running Marvel and DC typhoon. If all else fails, an anime reviewer I once followed in high school recommended Busou Renkin many years ago, and I'm enjoying it enough so far. And there is always JoJo's Bizarre Adventure if I'm that desperate. I have options.

My music listening habits has taken a strange turn this year. My Spotify playlists suddenly have 80s, 70s, and 60s hits that radio stations my parents listened to during my childhood, and a few recent pop hits slipped in too. The former is nostalgia hitting me in a sudden wave, and the latter is my best friend's bachelorette party playlist indoctrinating me for an entire weekend during the summer. Although by my own volition I have slowly become a small fan of Charli XCX (hence my Music Mood having "Black Roses" a while ago) after listening to some songs that appeared in The Sims 3 (which I can no longer play thanks to computer problems *sobs*), and I danced for joy when Marilyn Manson dropped his latest album a few weeks ago.

As for movies and video games? The last film I saw in theaters was It, which is both one of the better and more frustrating horror films as of late due to it squandering its diamond-quality potential with severe tonal inconsistencies and an abusive number of tactless and moment-killing jump scares. At least the Nostalgia Critic's review made me laugh harder than I ever had over his content in years. Beyond It and Saw 1, no films impacted me in a meaningful way this year.

The same can be said about video games, since I already discussed (in some detail) Mass Effect: Andromeda and Persona 5. However, I recently impulse-bought Yakuza Kiwami and called it crack on Twitter. The gameplay is addictive as hell, the characters bleed so much delicious ham and cheese, and I get to soak up more little (albeit fictional) things about Japanese culture and the yakuza, so call that game a net positive experience.

All of that said, seeking escapism and looking into myself for refuge against the insanity of the world only works for so long. That might be why I am feeling more melancholic and pessimistic than usual. Being thoughtful and introspective doesn't help when everyone in the world is screaming bloody murder over every little thing until nothing seems to matter anymore. We are in chaotic times, and I wish I knew how to navigate the colossal, seemingly planet-sized hurricane.

It's still too soon to render judgment on the state of things in 2017, but at least beloved celebrities weren't dying on a bimonthly basis like last year. (Oh, yes, I am still butthurt that David Bowie and Alan Rickman died within days of each other in January 2016. That was one of the worst weeks of my life.) Sure, the orange monkey still tweets like a tantrum-throwing toddler with immunity from being banned for some unfathomable reason, cock-measuring contests between the US and North Korea has me fear for Japan's and South Korea's safeties, and reputations are getting slaughtered over things as small as illogical accusations and blatant corruption, but at least getting stabbed with acupuncture needles every day still beats a shotgun to the balls every week! I'm bleeding, but I can still force myself to smile when I have to!

It's a miracle I still retain some sanity and have not succumbed to the "breaking news" bullshit the media farts every second by listening to political podcasts from different sects of the political spectrum back when it still mattered. I try my best to not become too political here despite this being my personal blog, but since I have had some people leave comments who did not agree with my thoughts at all, worrying constantly will do no one any good. You are your own worst critic, and I have said some scathing things about myself that other people haven't conceived of yet. It won't stop trolls and negative comments, but some self-awareness goes a long way.

So if any bridges are to be burned over what I say, so be it. Don't let me stop you. I'm not going to cry over the loss of the negative two hundred followers I actually have. Because I'm not going to throw a tantrum over every stupid thing the president and his administration says or does, and I'm not going to blindly follow a political side or cause solely on the basis of how moral an ideology or person supposedly is. A lot of people in the world are suffering and are in pain, every side has a slither of truth and a slither of falsehoods; the last thing I want is to develop a knee-jerk habit of devaluing a human being because they do not share ideas, educational background, or opinions with me. And yes, that means that I am not going to punch a Nazi unless in legitimate, legally defined self-defense because they tried to physically and deliberately cause injury to me (them simply existing does not count).

The state of the world at the moment... sadly.

Now that I got that out of the way and my readership fell to -10,000, I can be left to listen to so-bad-it's-fun music on Spotify and vent my frustrations with American politics into another potential novel that likely won't be published until I'm on my deathbed. Or watch teenagers with bizarre hair punch each other in crazy, nonsensical ways.

Bless the age of streaming, even with the obnoxious commercials. My soul feels slightly cleaner now that I can watch a good portion of anime on legitimate websites.

'Saw'

Once I started college, I felt less motivated to celebrate the holidays. I'm not entirely sure of the reason why, but when I do feel that the festivities bit me and gave me a three-day fever, I try not to fight it. So while I have no plans to embrace the spooky on the 31st this year, I can admit that I did embrace some of the feelings Halloween inspires.

For example, I finally watched Saw.

Yep. I watched it. Willingly.

I - Fangirl, Mel, Astrid, or whoever people know me as online - who has denounced the torture porn genre without hesitation, watched Saw.

Even my real life friends and parents didn't believe me when I said it.

I watched the grandfather of the torture porn genre's popularity in the first decade of the 2000s.

And I liked it.

Yes, I am dead serious. I like Saw 1.

And yes, since I am an opinionated bitch who has never failed to completely stop voicing her thoughts on something she feels strongly about, I will explain myself. Spoilers ahead, if you dare.

Why Are You Guys Reading These?!

Despite my lack of posts so far this year, I still keep a decent eye on what you guys read and how often. Everyone who provides some sort of entertainment has to do it every once in a while in order to see what people like. What I have found makes me chuckle, not because some of my posts were destined to get attention, but because I have no clue how some obtained so many views.

On one hand I am happy to see that more and more people all around the world are finding and reading my blog. I have no impressive following by any stretch of the imagination, but I love that my blog is not as deserted as it was when I began. Even with my lack of activity people still read my posts! Even if only one to three people ever comment, I still like that some people care.

With that nauseating optimism out of the way, let me respond to the feedback I received via some of my most viewed posts on my blog! By doing this, these popular guys will get even MORE views... I guess I should pop their egos a bit... What really makes me laugh is the huge rift between the top three with everything else. It's so weird.


1. 'The Open Door' with 2,290 views

People love my bitching about Evanescence.

I'm not completely surprised that this would get a lot of hits, given how popular and mainstream the act is at least by name. But like with nearly everything I put up here, this was something I had to get off my chest. Evanescence used to be my favorite band of all time. I still respect them because they were my gateway into the general genre of rock music.

I have outgrown them and matured... but I still have some beef with how outrageously popular they are. I have always struggled with accepting that some things are popular than others because of accessibility or money. In this case, Evanescence is just easier on the ears for casual music listeners in comparison to more enthusiastic music fans - especially of alternative rock and gothic metal.

Hopefully time will ease my rage. Or Evanescence can make better music.


2. Eat Me, Drink Me with 1,190 views

Wow, my old reviews really sucked. Not that I'm so much better NOW, but still... rereading it was not fun.

Anywho.

To this day, I still don't care for Eat Me, Drink Me as a whole but I think it has to do more with Marilyn Manson himself. I have listened to Mechanical Animals, Holy Wood, and The Golden Age of Grotesque and even those albums don't impress me much. Don't get me wrong, they have far more interesting songs, but the albums don't satisfy me enough. It seems that the man himself is far more interesting and entertaining than the music he makes. That's really a shame.

I still plan to get his new album later this year, but I doubt I'll really, really like it. Maybe there will be two or four songs that I will really love.


3. Vampire Knight with 930 views

One of my less painful old reviews, I guess.

The last time I checked up on the series, Vampire Knight was even more convoluted and terrible. If I were to review the series as a whole again, I would more than likely give it a 1 out of 5. It's sad that it was the first anime and manga series I found about vampires. Now I have Hellsing Ultimate and it's freaking a masterpiece in comparison.

But on the bright side, Vampire Knight is superior to Twilight. Zero has a better reason to be an angsty jerk than Edward or Jacob at their most melodramatic.

4. And More Impatient Fans Leave... with 400 views

Another Evanescence rant.

This was stuck in my chest for years and I'm glad I got it out. I did check Wikipedia some time before their latest album was released and I blushed in embarrassment. They went on hiatus because Amy had to set back and redefine Evanescence after the huge successes of The Open Door and Fallen. Having to step back, rest, and examine your out-of-nowhere success because you feel like you're running into an identity crisis is somewhat reasonable.

But I think my biggest issue - and many fans may agree with me - is the fact that there was a serious lack of communication from everyone. Other than firing the drummer and guitarist, no one knew what the hell was going on for several years. Even Ville Valo of HIM - who are as of this post on a "break" to find a new record deal - came out in a Kerrang! article around Valentine's Day telling everyone that he and the boys are still alive!

It just... frustrates me.

5. Shadow the Hedgehog with 390 views

Hahahaha... I'm in the process of writing a follow-up to this very brief and generalized review. I still love this game a lot, but man it has it's issues. Whether it's a good or bad game is pretty much up to anyone who can tolerate some of the stuff in this controversial mixed bag. The response to this game was one of the biggest reasons why the Sonic fanbase, especially the more psychotic fanboys, fangirls, and furries (not all of them but the worst cases), scares the living crap out of me.

To put it briefly, I can tolerate the guns, the missions, the music, and the slightly less annoying voice acting from the 4Kids crew. But I can't defend the writing, dialogue, some plot points, and "Almost Dead." Damn, Powerman 5000 might not be a horrible band - I hope - but I hate that song.

I may do the very rare, small wishes to review a video game in the future... just if I actually plan my points a lot better. It's not as easy as taking on an album or movie...

6. Higurashi: When They Cry with 230 views

This has been getting more views recently and I can't complain. It's a series I wish was more known.

I finished the series months ago and I really need to review the second season. Now that I look back on it, Higurashi is probably one of the best horror stories I have ever experienced. After this, all horror is bland and boring. Thank you, Higurashi for making me feel jaded.

The story is far from perfect and it does not have much value in re-watching it, but I sure had a blast while the mystery was building up. Some scenes still bug me though...


7. Death Note with 220 views

I'm surprised I didn't get trolled for typing such blasphemy.

No, I never finished this series. Maybe when I'm extremely bored, I might consider it, but it's just... urgh...

But I won't go back on my point that this is a decent start for anyone who wants to get into anime. This is one of the most striking in terms of production and presentation. I may think that most of the stuff Studio Madhouse made are overrated, the company still makes great quality work. And of course the voice acting is fantastic in both English and Japanese.

I'm not surprised this got a lot of views due to it's popularity. Though my opinion on it is rather negative, I won't discourage anyone who wants to check it out. By all means, watch it! It's just not my cup of tea.


Keep enjoying what you read... even if I never completely understand why you like it...

November 2011

824 visits last month? Holy sugar crackers! Where is everyone coming from?! o_O

Just the other day I retook the pictures of what I wore on Halloween. My first attempt failed miserably thanks to poor lighting and a crappy camera. I will have it up shortly-ish. :)

To get some of the bottled-up energy off my chest, I will make a few Sonic-related posts (as forewarned.) Sadly I am unable to buy the latest release, Sonic Generations, due to my out-of-date consoles. But in this day and age, there's Youtube for reviews and walkthroughs! All for free!! XD

School is school. Home life is home life. My blog is my blog. Pretty dull, eh? That's the real life me in a nutshell. ;)

In the meantime I have more music to listen until I can make decent reviews. Hopefully I can get though Mechanical Animals enough to get a review up by December.

Speaking of which...

By far my favorite of his.

Happy Halloween!!

Once again, I am still not fully in the dark, creepy spirit of Halloween. (It doesn't help that we got over five inches of snow on Saturday...) Call me lazy, but after I tried with movies, I simply said "screw it!" and gave up. Oh well. :P

However I decided to provide some stuff slightly related to things spooky. Enjoy the trick or ignore the treat. Pick your poison. :)

And, you know what, MM? Sadie's cover blows yours out the water. Sorry! >:)

Another MM Post...

(NOTE: all pics came from MansonWiki)

What a post to start the new year...

Marilyn Manson seems to keep popping up in my life since November. First the video, then the research, then the famous person portrait assignment in Studio Art, and NOW religion class today!

My classmates and I had to research a controversial musician and determine wether or not their music and views are "sinful" if we pay attention to them or buy their music. Strict Catholic schools do this, people. Of course, I figured, why not Manson? When it was my turn, I went up to the front of the class and spoke up. I said that there is little reason to claim his work "sinful" based on what you hear; and if he is "anti-religionous" for traumatic reasons, he still promotes individual expression for young people who feel intimidated to do so. (Now my classmates will think I'm truly a psychotic freak. XD) Although, I give my teacher credit for being respectful of my views, listening to my points, and praising how much I knew about him.

So, wether he cares or not, I defended a crazy, but intelligent and awesome musician... on his birthday. *twitches in disgust at own BS*

But to give the man what he deserves: HAPPY 42nd BIRTHDAY, MARILYN MANSON!!!!!!

See you in 2011!!!! :P

The End of 2010

Well... this is it, everyone. Over here in Pennsylvania, there's only nine more hours until everyone goes psychotic. I was never one to party or celebrate things like this, but whatever you're doing today, have fun. And Happy New Year. :)

A few posts ago, To Conclude 2010 was basically an overview of what mattered to me. I would go and reminisce on the old news on health care reform, the Tea Party, Korea, the miners in South America, and the economy in limbo... but I'm a self-centered brat. Obviously. :P

Now I will mention the bands/artists, albums, and songs that meant a lot to me this year, regardless when they came out. (I swear that I rip off of Tenebris in Lux too much...)

Bands:

1. Dommin, the boys who toured with HIM in the states this year. Probably the best performance that March night. Too bad I missed them with The Birthday Massacre in September. :'(

2. Diminished 7, the band Tenebris introduced me to.

3. Type O Negative, who lost their beloved singer and bassist. RIP, Pete.

4. Emilie Autumn, an amazing musician and singer who tested the boundary of my music preference. I hope I can get her autobiography...

5. Marilyn Manson. Don't make me re-explain why. :P

Albums:

1. Love is Gone - Dommin

2. Bloody Kisses - Type O Negative

3. Scream - Ozzy Osbourne

4. Greatest Hits 1970-1978 - Black Sabbath

5. Screamworks: Love in Theory and Practice - HIM

6. Unbeautiful - Lesley Roy

7. Enchant - Emilie Autumn

Songs:

1. "My Selene" - Sonata Artica

2. "Gothic Lolita" - Emilie Autumn

3. "In the Dark" - The Birthday Massacre

4. "Trigger" - In Flames

5. "In the Arms of Rain" - HIM <- I hate lyric-only videos... *sigh*

6. "Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin-geddon" - Marilyn Manson

7. "In My Heaven" - Negative

8. "Love You to Death" - Type O Negative

9. "Tonight" - Dommin

10. "Años de Dolor" - To/Die/For <- sound quality is funny... :/

And the song - um... "mash-up" - that made me laugh so hard that it is an honerable mention for 2010:

'Eat Me, Drink Me'

(CREDIT: to the rightful owner or else this guy will kill me... o_O lol)

My Rank: 2.6 out of 5 <- just meh... :/

Although lately I am still screaming longer and louder praises to the double M, to be blunt, this album was a reason why I wasn't into him until now. I am still beating myself for this being my first Marilyn Manson purchase. REALLY BAD MISTAKE.

I liked it when I bought it. A combination of industrial and alternative rock into a dark, twisted gloom. Pretty sweet. But all that was missing was the very thing that Marilyn Manson was good at. Having a bark so obnoxious (not in a bad way) that makes most people believe the bite is just as deadly. This album left me thinking, "Well, that's not so scary. It's fun, but it's not that aggressive."

Due to the lack of research back then, I had no clue that this record was made by Manson and Tim Skold. Then and there, I got not one band member that every fan talked about. Especially Twiggy. No Twiggy. But that's what I get for being an ignorant newbie at the time. But yet, I didn't want to buy the most esteemed album just in case it was the most overrated thing I ever heard. That's why you have to pick your battles. It's a shame I lost this one, but at least I got to the goal a few months later.

Really, the material on this record is pretty slow and bleak that I vaguely remember some of the songs. "Putting Holes in Happiness" was a great song (unlike the music video...) as well as "You and Me and the Devil Makes Three," "If I Was Your Vampire," and "Heart-Shaped Glasses" (again, not very enjoyable video.) But don't go by my word; I'm still no Marilyn Manson know-it-all AND I can't remember the last time I listened to this whole record.

Fore sure, make this one of the last MM purchases. Hopefully I get another of his albums this Christmas and I'm not as disappointed. Though I still feel sad giving this album a rank around that of Linkin Park's "The Catalyst." At least this record wasn't pointless and obnoxious like that song.

The moral of this story: make a well-thoughtout decision before purchasing. If nothing works, always buy the greatest hits compilation...

A Hug to My Personal Freddy Krueger

Over the past year or so, Pandora has played so much music for me that I am unable to healthily expand my taste. Thousands of pieces of wrapped chocolate with no names rain from the sky and I miss out on those that don't fall into my pint-sized bucket. There is so much music to check out, but there is not enough time. However, there are times like this when someone spends time discussing a band or musician he/she enjoys. As Halloween drew near, the Distressed Watcher on thatguywiththeglasses.com did just that while summoning a very familiar boogyman. In fact, thanks to my Pandora friends (Tenebris in Lux especially) and DW's video that boogyman doesn't frighten me so much anymore.

Who or what could I possibly be talking about? The musician that upset adults of the left and right, parents of children, fellow kids of mine as well as the generation before me. The one whose music was accussed of "corrupting" the minds of the boys behind the Colombine High School shooting. The one whose band was banned from performing in some states.

Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the Antichrist Superstar get you.

Actually, this looks more hilarious than scary.

I'm not sure if anyone my age ever has seen Marilyn Manson's happy, cheery face that brought lovely, sweet dreams (what a bad pun -_-) to children and teenagers. I do not have any notable early memories of being scared of him (only time I know for sure was back in 2007), but I know I heard the name more than seen the image. All I was told that he was creepy. Bad news. Controversial. Even satanic. And like the good child I was, I feared Marilyn Manson because people were scared of him and expected me to feel the same. No reason, just irrational ignorance and fear.

As I grew older, I started to question and find my own answers to things that didn't make sense to me. Religious views and perspectives, political nonsense, and the nature of fans of etertainment as a whole. Inevitably, Marilyn Manson must have been destined to be my next target.

Why did people fear him? Why do some STILL fear him? How did I see him as an object of fear that adults painted for me? Why should I still be scared of him?

It's been taking over a year, but compared to me as a kid, I practically love this guy and his music. I finally burst out of my comfort zone and gave Marilyn Manson a chance. Lo and behold! I have such a greater appreciation of him as an artist. Don't get me wrong, I'm not into him like how I am with HIM (damn these puns!), but I'll be shocked if another year goes by and I still don't call myself a fan.

Minus the temporarily missing eyebrows, he doesn't look too creepy to me.

Does he still creep me out? Oh yeah, quite a bit. But I wholeheartedly no longer see a reason to FEAR him. Keep him from children? Because of his literature and cultural references, definitely (that's more research time for me.) Say that he poisons minds into killing others? That's pretty stupid. Saying he's the devil? That's worse. His image is as insane as his music, but Mans - oops, should I say - Brian Warner is a human being with an art you may like, hate, or not give a crap about. Feel free to disagree.

We all have childhood ghosts as well as Freddy Kruegers. The question is, when and are you ready to let them go? I am in this phase right now. But for the last question: HOW will you let go? Hug it? Kill it? Do something because ignoring ghosts is like leaving a bomb to detonate right on your lap.

Again, thanks to Tenebris and Schweinwerfer-sempai, my music buddies, and the Distressed Watcher's enjoyable video. Without them, I wouldn't have wasted over two hours of my life watching his music videos in one school night. Mom wasn't happy... XD