BEWARE! The Hate of Sonic 06's Soundtrack Is Over 9,000!!

Sonic 06, wake the **** up. You are NOT Final Fantasy.

Very well. I may not have played Sonic 06 since I currently don't own a XBox or a PS3, but I can still take this thing on. I watched at least four walkthroughs of this game and I listened to this soundtrack for months. I think I have enough room to toss my few cents into the opinion cup.

So here it goes.

This soundtrack is considered to be one of the best of this franchise.

... ... ... ... ...

BULLSHIT

Believe me, it gets much worse from here.

I apologize if any Sonic fan is reading this and loves this soundtrack. I am shooting bullets at this cocky piece of junk, not you. Please don't take this as a personal insult.

As for the rest of you... I'm sorry if my rage overwhelms anyone.

1:43 - What is THIS?! Is someone getting MARRIED?! *flashback to game*

OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! TT-TT

I'm serious... what the fudge was Sonic Team AND Sega on in 2006?! Why did they release a half-assed game with sloppy gameplay, inconsistent graphics, and a generally insultingly overrated and unexciting soundtrack?! Most of all, why has no one apologized for this train wreck?!

*storms away from computer, sits on bed, and meditates for seven years*

Okay, I'm cool... ish.

Pointless 28 second song is pointless!

I know making claims of what defines a "Sonic soundtrack" is shallow and stupid, but hear me out. Music in pretty much every Sonic game released was energetic, upbeat, or catchy. Even in the SEGA Genesis days, restricted by electronic bleeps, the music was still memorable! So what happened here? Electronic and rock still exist, except watered-down and lifeless. Other than an orchestra, keyboards, the occasional guitar, and woodwinds, no other instrument exists. They replaced actual drums with machines repeating the same damn noise over and over again. This is not fun, musical perfection, this is repetitive laziness. "Wave Ocean" is the prime example of such sloth!

*sigh* This ain't the Gerudo desert of the Zelda series... wake me up when it...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

This soundtrack is just as long as Shadow the Hedgehog's with over 90 songs, and YET Shadow's music was far more dynamic and energizing. Sure, not everyone can tolerate the sound that appeals more to rock and metal fans, but barely anything sounds exactly the same! Sonic 06, however, decides to have five songs sound 95% identical. This is mostly cutscene music too.

Yep an official Shadow recolor. Didn't see that one coming...

No seriously. That's the villain.

I kid you not, the tunes that play whenever Mephiles appears sound no different from each other, except that one during the cutscene with the pseudo-Jesus imagery. (That's a rage for another day...) There's "Resurrection of Mephiles", "The Black Shadow", "Mephiles' Whisper", "Mephiles' Temptation", and "Showdown with Mephiles". There was a cool theme that was duplicated and raped for no reason.

Silver, why did you debut in one of the worst games ever?!

WAAAAHHHH!!! 

And for character themes? "Dreams of an Absolution" - as I repeated for months - is the only track that deserves your serious attention. The in-game version of "His World" - not to be confused with the superior "Theme of Sonic the Hedgehog ~ E3 Version" - is hilariously awful. I'm sorry, Mr. Ali Tabatabaee, but in this song you are a lazy rapper. Just listen to the Crush 40 version, which the gods have blessed in their infinite wisdom... ...only to curse them. Crush 40's remake of "All Hail Shadow" is absolutely unnecessary. Magna-Fi made it glorious before, so why elongate and weaken what was concise and full of life?

Look, I have no issue with orchestral music. Symphonic metal is plagued with it. Nightwish dives head-first into the orchestration so much that it can be nauseating. But for them, it works because that was their style, their technique from day one. The fact that they continue it may prove that they are satisfied or that people want them to continue it until they die. Here, in a Sonic game it seems to work in small doses, otherwise it will look like everyone is trying too hard.

"The Past", "Chaos Control", "Revival", "Theme of Sonic Colors", "Theme of Sonic Unleashed", "To the World of the Memory", and "Metal Madness" are some examples of orchestration done well. They fit the tone and mood of the games they appear in while retaining a reasonable bit of memorability. Part of this is because we will hear these songs several times throughout the course of the game's story at the most appropriate moments. AND the games and their soundtracks don't drown themselves in such music.

Oh no! The tears that will release the Nine Tailed Fox from its' host!

It's the apocalypse! Cue the organ!

Yet Sonic 06 flips the bird at conservatively using what could be beautiful music and decides to fling new "impressive" and "elegant" crap at you to the point you forget what the fudge you're listening to! There are 48 event songs out of 94 tracks. 48 EVENT SONGS!!! That compares to 10 in Sonic Adventure 2, 17 in Sonic Colors, 10 in Sonic Generations, 11 in Sonic Heroes, and 6 in Sonic Adventure! 48 songs make up MORE THAN HALF OF THIS SOUNDTRACK! And most of the songs ARE REPEATS!!!!!

Fine, Shadow the Hedgehog has 49 event tracks. HOWEVER! Most of them STAND APART VERY CLEARLY!!! And many were re-used throughout the game WITHOUT DUPLICATE EDITS on the soundtrack! For crying out loud, Sonic Team!!!! Did you make Sonic 06 suck on purpose?! This is overkill!!!!

*walks away from computer and screams off the foulest curses ever conceived by mankind*

I have a headache. Seriously, I don't know if this or A Thousand Suns is the worst excuse of "great" albums I have ever heard. It's hard... man, is it hard... I could not finish listening to both in their entirety.

Yes, I gave up once we got to the Town Mission tunes. ...And I skipped the "Accordion Song". I wish that was a joke.

The only good action stage song that stuck the first time I listened.

Before I get a load of grief for my immaturity, I will admit that not every song was a colossal failure. Other than "Dreams of an Absolution", I found comfort in "Kingdom Valley", "Aquatic Base ~ Level 1", "Boss Fight Vs. Character", and "Theme of Dr. Eggman." These are five gems that I have found in a sea of oil and sludge.

And I refuse to comment in detail on "Sweet Dreams" and "My Destiny". They made me sick. Thankfully the developers didn't want me to puke excessively as the former never appeared on the soundtrack.

This could easily fit with the ARK stages in Shadow the Hedgehog...

Here's the greatest problem. Sonic 06 tried to impress everyone with its "realism" in graphics, story, and soundtrack. It's like Sonic would be deemed childish with the presence of epic, in-your-face music borrowing elements of rock, rap, jazz, techno, electronic, and orchestral. And what was released was a horrible disaster. They tried too damn hard and this ends up looking like a wanna-be Final Fantasy epic tale with snobbishly pretentious and "I'm superior to you all" music that should NEVER be in a Sonic game!

So what if I got into the games via the GameCube? I still have a tiny idea of what makes the blue blur awesome in the eyes of his fans. If you could stomach this more than me, fine. Enjoy it because I can't change your mind. But as you continue to praise it, I will continue to condemn it for failing to be the best damn thing it thinks it is.

Oh, Crush 40... we miss you dearly, even if you fumbled "All Hail Shadow"...

The good news about this? Sonic Team never attempted to overkill us with this pretentious, pseudo-elegent bullshit ever again! ... at least after Sonic Unleashed. *weeps*

0.5 out of 5

Because even this is the Mona Lisa next to the Twilight "saga".

I need to go brainwash myself with far better thoughts... A part of me has died...

Continuation of Previous Rant

Just in case my complaints were trollish and unconvincing, here are some vids on the abstinence issue:

Next rant will not be something completely different, I promise. :)

Skip If the Blunt Side Causes Severe Pain

It took long enough, and here it finally is: my rant on abortion. Tenebris had made a rant on it already, but it is time to add my few cents on my frustration.

Every year in April, the good ol' Catholic insitution I reluctantly call a "school" invites guest speakers, mostly from Generation Life, to talk about absenence. In reality they attempt to scare us into not having sex so the number of abortions in the universe magically drops. Fear = insubordination; and this is supposedly the twenty-first century. Some things never change I guess.

But off my small tangent.

A few days ago in the class that inspires so many rants (aka "Catholic" Morality), such a speaker appeared. He was a young guy with a good six years ahead of me at least, so he wasn't stubborn like an old man, reluctant to relate to the youth. So I give him credit for some of the energy he gave off in light-hearted jokes. But why waste time on describing the guy when I should blab about the issues I have with the whole chastity/abortion talk.

Abstinence/Chastity Talks Have Religious - Not Educational - Value

For one thing, actual conversations about sex do not exist in my ultra-traditional, rigidly conservative school; there is only preaching. Obey or bear dirty looks. Believe me, despite the uniforms we wear I get enough of that from my peers. But the largest problem I have with these talks is the fact that are not in any way EDUCATING US. Tell us WHY teenagers long for having sex. Tell us WHY it is so difficult to overcome feelings of lust (the whole "because we are human" excuse has never and will never cut it.) You must EDUCATE, not PREACH.

The extreme religious bias makes my stomach twist in knots far more times than when I watch Marilyn Manson's most explicit music videos. Again, all the reasons to wait for sex when you are married are for religious reasons:

- God intended it to be blessedly good (aka: "the Bible says so" or the "everything is full of sunshine and flowers" argument)
- Sex is a powerful gift of procreation and bonding (aka: the "secular society is screwing with your mind" argument)
- The hormone oxytocin permanently bonds you with your true love (aka: "the one to be with for eternity" argument)
- Those who do it outside of marriage share no commitment (aka: the "religion is right and society is wrong" argument... again)
- Sex is about family, not pleasure (fill in random argument here)

Here's a quick reaction I have to each argument (feel free to get mad at my lack of logic):

1. Sex is "good?" What defines "good?" Many might agree with you since the act brings great pleasure for every human who took part in this act. If it wasn't "good" in that sense, we'd have no human race. But if you mean morally good, it depends on the person. What about a woman who is tokophobic (fearful of childbirth?) What about someone who is taught a different philosophy about sex? Or better yet, what about you? You say sex is a wonderful thing, yet you are too embarrassed to talk about it or to allow sex education in schools. One of the many things you call sacred must be an avoided topic. Hmm... Maybe it's not THAT "good" to talk about then with the ignorant...

2. Yes, biologically speaking, sex is a reproductive act, which I cannot argue with. But then you list bonding as the second thing. BOTH are important. A family cannot be a family without bonds. Whenever Pro-lifers talk about this stuff, they jump right onto the thought of the next generation rather than the current one. "Screw the parents! Bring more babies!" might not be their intent, but sometimes it sounds like it. Regardless, I see where they are coming with this point, but it bothers me that sex is good if procreation AND bonding are the intentions. I feel bad for the couples who have bonded but want no children...

3. This argument is one of the reasons I am slowly developing a slight phobia of falling in love to begin with. Congratulations, Pro-life Movement, you are making me consider to live an old maid for the rest of my life and bear no children. But I digress.
Generation Life has this thing of scaring people with the oxytocin hormone and that it wears off over time due to too much sexual activity. They further tie this and the use of contraception in with the high divorce rate in the United States. But here's my problem: How do you know you will be with someone forever? My parents are currently going through a divorce now, it's painful, but breakups HAPPEN. Maybe the divorce rate is "increasing" because long ago it used to be FROWNED UPON societally and religiously?! I bet if divorce has always been acceptable, there would be more happily married people; many of the miserable ones would have long ended. But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was those damn hippies in the 60s that started it all... (no joke. my presenter did toss them into this.)

4. In so many ways I call this argument a load of crap. Not every sexually active, unmarried couple does it for the fun. There are some who have been together for years, have sex, and share a commitment to love each other no matter what. Marriage is just publicly physical and religious proof that you belong to someone. Who knows: maybe a couple's "wedding" was a small promise made during a romantic event like - I dunno - sharing chocolates on Valentine's Day. In other words, the world is not black or white: there is always some grey in the middle of it all.

5. Again. Sex is about bonding, procreation, AND PLEASURE. If sex wasn't enjoyable... wait... I think I'm repeating myself now...

Yeah, Fangirl isn't in the mood to make a completely logical debate on this issue. Call me lazy. :/

Abortion *dances for joy*

To establish something here, I consider myself on the fence about this debate. I believe that if a woman gets pregnant very carelessly an wants out, she needs to take responcibility. But if the woman is in psychological pain and has exhausted every other therapeutic option - that's right LAST RESORT - I would say "it's your choice." In medical instances, again a last resort circumstance, I would nod my head to the practice. To be simple, I strongly believe in responcibility, but I recognize that there are some cases in which a woman might not be able to handle her pregnancy.

This might be a stupid way to see the issue, but I'll say it anyway. For as long as there have been smart people, there have been stupid people. For as long as there have been women who love pregnancy, there were women who hate it. If people are desperate, they will find a way; with tokophobic women (and those with similar mental/emotional issues) they would find a way to end the pregnancy, even if it meant killing them. Poison, overdoses, coat hangers, the list goes on. As disgusting as it is, I think it is better to keep abortion legal so that professional doctors will provide care for the women who will be stubborn enough to kill her child anyway. If you make it illegal, the Prohibition Effect might occur: "black alley" abortion clinics with unskilled doctors and unsuitable tools.

Well, don't worry, I still think carelessness is no excuse to go for abortion. Now THAT is cowardice.

OVERALL

This post is very subjective, and I will not be surprised if many of you are offended. In a way, this was bottled up inside for a long tim and I wanted to let it out. I am aware that someone will stumble upon this and try to use this against me in some way. But I will finish with this.

All I wish is for someone to not make me fear for my life. I don't want a religious reason for why something is a certain way. My parents raised me to be a responsible person; the ideas are based off of simple concepts many religions have in common (ex: be careful of how you treat others, respect others and yourself, appreciate life, seek happiness, and find a way to live this life in a fulfilling way). I cannot call my values "Christian" exclusively, which is why I get annoyed when Generation Life slaps the Christian "God" label to include some and exclude others.

Maybe the point of chastity is simply these few things:

- love responsibly

- think before you act

- do what you believe is best for yourself

- don't let anyone push you into something you are unready for

It is only a shame that these statements are too vague for some people. Furthermore, it is awful that sex is such a "huge" society problem that no one wants to talk about. I guess I'm lucky to have had parents talk to me openly about the topic; I learned more in those chats at the dinner table than a religiously bias group preach about the horrors of not practicing "good values."

Well, lets see where this nasty hurricane will hit next...