‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’

I’ve had it. I'm done. I am so done.

This is the last straw. I’m at my limit. I can't take this anymore.

Fuck Disney.

Fuck Hollywood.

Fuck the trendy franchise addition.

Fuck the obsession with cinematic universes.

Fuck the corporate capitalist cult that strangles creativity in the name of profit.

Fuck Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

And fuck me for feeding money to this detestable beast.

... Feel free to keep count of how many times I curse in this post. It's one of those, people, so strap in tight. This rant-review hybrid is not for the faint of heart.

Spoilers, because I have succumbed to the power of the Dark Side, consequences be damned.

Some of My Thoughts on 'Daredevil'

Now that the semester is calming down and coming to a close, I find myself feeling too tired and annoyed to get any work done. That's the life of a typical college student, of course. But there have been times when I want to sit back and enjoy a good show, only to find that Youtube took down my favorite channel, the old talents at Channel Awesome continue to lose their luster (save for two), and Netflix has one too many crappy shows and movies for me to bother with. These first world problems are more annoying than critical, but I like to feel that my time is well spent... or I have the illusion that my time is well spent. Netflix has been hit and miss on that front, and I was back in a rut with the service for the third time this year.

Until Marvel of all things managed to make something that has a pulse and catches my interest.

I know the vast majority of the internet speaks in hyperbole and memes, but I'm very serious. This is the only Marvel "masterpiece" quality work that I genuinely agree as much as people claim. Kind of. Maybe. I don't know.

'Mass Effect 3': Part I

Time to finally wrap up the Mass Effect trilogy before Mass Effect 4 comes out ten years from now!

Joking aside, if you gathered from my final verdicts of ME1 and ME2, this is my favorite game in the trilogy. Mass Effect 3 has most of the features I liked about the previous titles and improved on them. The story is an intense roller coaster ride after the forty to fifty hours I poured into the first two games. Heck, even the overall difficulty was amped up a bit to keep me on edge. Not many sequels I've played tend to like to do that.

YES, I'm looking at you, that one game I kept bashing for over a year.

Anywho, back to Mass Effect 3, my favorite game in the trilogy. And the review begins -

Hold your horses, people. I ain't going there yet. Let me say what I like LONG before touching that can of worms.

Possible spoilers ahoy.

'X-Men: Days of Future Past'

Been forever since my last movie review. Oh well, this one makes me a bit chatty, so why not?

As a disclaimer, I have not seen any other X-Men movie that was ever released. I never saw the Wolverine movies either. I never even read the comics. To put it bluntly, I never had any interest in them ever. Though I took a graphic novel class last semester, I could respect the medium of comics, but I don't love them. I still prefer Japanese manga over Western comics. And I especially don't give a crap about superhero stories. The Amazing Spiderman, Thor, and The Avengers are exceptions, but even they did not overhaul my apathy for the genre.

So I went to this film completely blind with my cousin's son just for the sake of passing time. And in the end, it still did not convince me that comic books and comic book films are worth getting into. That being said, it does get a few points for supposedly being one of the least awful X-Men-universe films. Better to start with the best than the worst, I guess.

Some spoilers.

'Oblivion'

...

I... um...

...

This is a first.

SPOILERS.

'Mass Effect 1', Part III

This long-winded review/rant just keeps on going and going. And I still have two games to go! Not only that, but due to its controversial nature, the end of the trilogy might come right after. Too much information, so little time, and not enough Asprin for the headache.

...

That's it. By this point, these introductions are just padding. Let's just put this review down and move on as soon as possible. You, fellow readers, have better things to do.

I need to focus on other content to get the blog back up and running again. *sigh* Why did my consoles and I depart for a few weeks?

'Mass Effect 1", Part II

So... Mass Effect. Looks like we didn't start off too good, did we?

The first game has the most infuriating gameplay I have experienced in this trilogy. Many other fans who had access to this years before me would strongly disagree. They cherish the five-year-old game like a Pokemon fan reminiscing on Blue or Red for the Gameboy Color. Part of me really wishes I could think of it as fondly, but my perspective and experience are too different from those Xbox 360 and PC players.

On the bright side, I do appreciate and understand the undying love. I've played these games to death. When I sit in class as my professor presents a series of notes that my life depends upon to uphold my grades and keep my scholarships, I daydream about being lost in the fiction for hours. I give evil glares of hatred to all the guys who sit on their asses playing video games all day as I study. My PS3 sits at home and waits for me to return once every six weeks. Once I'm home and ready to relax, any one of the Mass Effect discs begs me to pay attention to it... Like a druggie failing rehab, I give in every time. Of course I love this series. Why else have I rambled about this franchise aimlessly to my friends and on my blog since last summer?

Still, as an amateur, nitpicky reviewer I have to attempt to be somewhat objective. Being a contrarian is not my intention at all. I sure am opinionated, but pissing people off over statements I make is not something I strive for when I wake up every morning.

If you have not read Part I... go back three spaces and come back when you did your homework. Now I will dive into characters and plot.

As common sense will tell you, there will be SPOILERS.

'Mass Effect 1', Part I

The first game is finally on the Playstation 3! Thank the superior being(s). Now I can whine about it. And lose most of my viewers...

No, seriously, I'm happy that I finally have the chance to play the entire Mass Effect trilogy instead of 66% of it. Relying on idiots on Youtube who don't understand how to edit out blunders was getting really old. Now I can finally play with the gameplay mechanics however I want without the rest of the world seeing how badly I play video games. (Sticking to the writing medium is more of my cup of tea anyway. I'm not tech-savvy enough for video.)

So now, on with the longest series of reviews ever! Starting with the first, the original Mass Effect.

This will be a long, whiny, nitpick ride... you sure you want to go on reading this?

The Hunger Games... Maybe I'm Just Too Cynical

I guess I couldn't ignore this for long...

I saw The Hunger Games the other day... Where to begin.

I think may have mentioned at least once that when it comes to majority opinion, I tend to get very skeptical. When people were raging over the books, I backed off without hesitation. Twilight fooled me once and I was not going to fall for another trap. This series is more than likely far better written but I was not ready to examine the bandwagon. An overreaction? Perhaps. It didn't help that one of my friends obsessed about it, because I'm not always as impressed by the stuff she loves. I try her cup of tea, enjoy it mildly, and return to mine.

That aside, I heard and read everyone's outcry on the whole issue of a "lack of racial diversity" and "twenty black people in the background doesn't count as diversity." Because I have not read the books, I have no comment. While watching the film, I saw nothing of that nature to complain about.

Now, as a "typical movie fan", The Hunger Games was rather entertaining. The pacing and build-up was nearly flawless, the set was fantastic, the second half was more suspenseful than a horror film, and the costumes were great. The shaky camera was very annoying in the beginning and during some of the action scenes, but it did help to hide some of the gruesome murders.

The best part of the film was the commentary on the reality TV-crazed American media. Everyone is obsessed with sitting back at home and watching the drama, death, and violence the kids face during the game of survival. The well-off citizens in the Capital looked like overdressed candy wrappers in an elegant, futuristic store shelf. Despite how ludicrous appearances were, this aesthetic was surprisingly... beautiful. This was far more appropriate and tasteful than Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.

The world of Panem is very easy to understand, even if you never touched the books. For all of these, I was very pleased. Honestly, I was looking forward to the later films just to see this where this political dystopian universe will go.

But I walked out of this film pissed off.

I'm sorry, who are all of you again?

Despite the easy-to-follow plot, most of the characters fell dangerously behind. Other than Katniss, Gale, Rue, and Peeta, I cannot remember anyone else's names. I'm not sure if it's the actors' faults for poorly enunciating (for a while, I heard Cinna being called "Sinner") or the writers' faults for not clearly defining who was who. We never get to know any of the other kids fighting in the games, except Rue and the generically aggressive blonde jerk. The former gets fleshed out too late, but still done well enough; the latter was essentially pointless.

Out of the entire crew, only Gale and Katniss made great first impressions through their believable dialogue. But only Peeta stood out as the most likable character despite his quiet introduction. Everyone else was forgettable, especially Haymitch, who only served as the stereotypically incompetent mentor. Even Naruto pulled off that trope better... twice.

Above all else, I absolutely despised every single moment Katniss and Peeta exchanged words. Katniss treated him like crap in the beginning for no clear reason. I get that she's not exactly into having a relationship with anyone, but here she looked more rude than self-confident or being a "survivor." Even when everyone tells the two to pretend to have a "star-crossed romance" for the sake of entertainment for the Hunger Games, I could not take them seriously. Their "romance" was almost at Twilight levels of aggravating and sugary mush. Though I was glad Katniss went out in the midst of danger despite Peeta's whiny protests like most guys are portrayed in romances, I struggled to contain my frustration.

*sigh* I'm just so cynical and nitpicky.

I'll pass.

Look, this movie is worth checking out. Seriously. After the lack of good movies after the last Harry Potter film and Chronicle, this is worth two and a half hours of your life. All my complaints aside, this was a well-made movie that's fun, easy to follow, suspenseful, and emotional. Don't take my mixed feelings to heart.

There's only one thing I know for certain. I am still not convinced to read the books.

3.3 out of 5

'Inuyasha'

(CREDIT: to the owners... you know how it goes...)

RANK: 4 out of 5 <-- the alpha of long shonen anime

When Kagome discovers a well that transports her to feudal era Japan, she unwittingly frees a half-demon, Inuyasha, and shatters the sacred Jewel of Four Souls. Now they must work together to restore the jewel before it falls into the wrong hands...

(From an ad in a manga released by VIZ media.)

Another anime that goes on for what seems like an eternity? Oh, darn. Shonen anime and manga are zombies, products of an incurable disease in which there is no end. Poor direction, useless characters, humungous plot holes, horrendous development, cheap deus ex machina tricks, and insulting cliches plague these series. The Big Shonen Three, my nickname for Naruto, Bleach, and One Piece, are perfect examples: all doubters have been forewarned by this anime fan.

So if I watch another ungodly long series again with such putrid garbage, and if I beat myself senseless a billion and one times over a little conflict, then - *pauses and leaves*

*returns after watching 167 episodes...* For the love of Oreos and milk, I have found a diamond amongst a sea of sewage!! Diamonds aren't exactly my thing, but I digress... Time to get to the point.

After spending many fun, wasteful years waiting for Naruto to actually progress, Inuyasha truly is a lifesaver. For everything the Big Shonen Three fail at, Inuyasha does it so well it takes the entire bakery instead of a slice of cake. For one thing, only one main villain of the show creates a huge spiderweb of schemes and no other characters ever replace him as the "big bad" *gasp!* At the same time, nearly every reoccurring character is caught in the web and is forced to deal with their situation in some way. Almost all the characters that develop are - dare I say it - NEEDED, even for a short while. Then, the adventures along the way contain some silly shenanigans, but each episode reveals even the tiniest piece of relevance to the overall story.

And the fight scenes? Say hello to straightforward battles with rare flashback moments, generally quick action, and occasional bickering. The average length of fights can be estimated to seven minutes, usually occurring at the end of each episode. But in the case of episodes split into multiple parts, many battles can occur at once and usually end in a modest amount of time. Even when flashbacks happen, they are short and sweet. Inuyasha succeeds by creating episodic adventures with good pacing in twenty minutes, leaving you satisfied in knowing you won't watch six episodes of nothing but a slow, painful battle.

Furthermore, unlike the Big Shonen Three, the main cast of Inuyasha is memorable, unique, relevant, and are not cardboard thin. Each character has a reasonable range of skills instead of possessing hundreds of abilities, and each person has a chance to prove themselves. Personalities vary greatly, especially with the main characters: Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippo, Miroku, Sango, and Kirara. This factor as well as the ever-changing environment provide various situations when they, as well as other friends and rivals, all clash. As a bonus, their running gags never seem to get old. I might never be able to tell my dog to "sit" ever again without a huge grin on my face. (Even now I can't help it: XD)

Additional praise goes to the music in the show. Though I found it annoying at first, I always knew "Change the World" long before I watched Inuyasha. Now I love it; however, there are even better opening and ending themes that are worth listening to. Other themes and background music are also very enjoyable, but most importantly, fitting to the scenes.

What ultimately brings down the series' quality is the length. Filler and fanservice might both be foreign concepts to the show, but some episodes have content seen as irrelevant, needed only to make the plot slow down or move in a circle. Sadly, Inuyasha does suffer with one "slow" quality the Big Shonen Three all possess. Some conflicts drag on for an extraordinary number of episodes, especially when a solution can be found in five minutes. The finest example is that one particular love triangle, in which most fans want Kikyo permanently, surely, and safely dead. The worst part of that painfully long drama is not that Kikyo is like a cockroach after a nuclear explosion, but that Inuyasha is indecisive and oblivious. Sure, the end of that conflict is predictable as hell and easy to tell in one look, but the race from start to finish can be torturous.

Perhaps the show's greatest flaw is that despite how well paced each episode is as a whole, the entire show still feels somewhat sluggish. The worst part is that at the final episode, Inuyasha is still not over and many conflicts are still unresolved. Oh, crap. I forgot that The Final Act is the last part of the series. Another 26 episodes ain't that bad. Now if only the dub will be released soon...

Yet, I cannot help but love this show. Ever since I first heard of it back in 2005, I always wanted to watch it when it aired on Adult Swim, but I was too young to stay up late. Just the other week I miraculously rediscovered this childhood dream during my ongoing anime phase. After the time I spent, throwing tantrums, screaming at my computer screen, and laughing until I cried, Inuyasha was absolutely worth the wait. This might have been the best long anime series I have ever seen... so far.

Inuyasha should have been more regarded in Japan for one reason: creators need to learn to not make stupidly long anime that go nowhere. This was probably the best effort they made at this point....

'Thor'

(CREDIT: to the creators of the comics and this movie.)

Rank: 3 out of 5 <-- a superhero(-ish) movie that I like? *gasp*

Superhero films annoy me. Superhero films based off of comics that never end piss me off. Superhero films based off of never-ending comics that suck... well, run away or else a mushroom cloud will consume you.

Admittedly I was only interested in Thor because of it being based on Norse mythology. The general topic always caught my attention as a kid, but in the past few years I have been curious about mythologies that often are glossed over (Chinese, Japanese, Norse, Finnish, etc...) I figured that this movie would at least give me a few hints about the Norse myths that I know so little about. When I came out, I still didn't know too much, but at least a few names will stick.

As for the film... I liked it! It did many things right that I like it films: the secondary characters were easy to remember (if only by appearance), comedy reigned at some great times, and Asgard looked absolutely otherworldly and gorgeous. On the surface the plot flowed pretty well for two hours and nothing really dragged. The characters were not very complex, but as simple and predictable as they were, they still were generally likable. Thor was even willing enough to be humorous at times, which tells us that the movie is an action flick where fun stuff happens. The special effects were decent as were the fighting scenes (too many close-ups) and the music was really epic.

While these work well, the overall story is just plain average with a fun and visual kick to it. Because these superhero-ish movies are not my cup of tea, I cannot say I love this film completely. Sure, the characters were not whiny and bitchy, the plot stayed somewhat on course, and I was amused. That's it. As much as I can say these good things, the film made a mistake that a good story should never - ever make. PLOT HOLES.

There are Ice Giants, but they have only twenty minutes of relevance in Thor. What was the point in having them? How did they get into Asgard without the notice of the guard at the Bifrӧst? What are the other ways of traveling between realms? Is this gaping hole open for a sequel to bury it or not? What if you never get a sequel to continue this? Explain, movie, EXPLAIN!!!!!!!

Plot holes, especially obvious ones, are one of the biggest killers for the ever nitpicky critic in me. Sadly that is why I cannot give Thor a higher score. But if there will be a sequel, maybe I can overlook the poor, abandoned, empty hole where I fell in head-first. A superhero(ish) movie that I like and saw how great it might have been if they took better care? *gasp!*

'Naruto'

(CREDIT: due to the mangaka.)
Rank: 3 out of 5 <-- a blast while it lasted

The first shonen anime/manga series I enjoyed. *wiggles fingers in the air*

As a kid I never found a series like Dragon Ball enjoyable. For one, I hated the animation (to this day I still find it ugly) and the various sequels (Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT, etc.) and countless video games gave me headaches. I was never properly introduced to the universe and I am still selfishly reluctant to give it a try. Ironically I thought for a long time that I would not stand up for such a popular, multi-episode and multi-volume shonen fighting series... then Naruto came along.

I knew nothing of it when I first watched it when it debuted on Cartoon Network. It looked like an interesting show and I spent time every week watching the episodes. The next thing I knew, I got a hold of the manga and found sites with all sorts of plot summaries and spoilers. My fandom grew larger when most of my friends liked it and we all had our favorite characters. It turned out to be three years of watching and reading the series, writing fanfics (don't say a word), and obsessing about it with friends. Now I have calmed down significantly, but I occasionally check out Narutopedia and Mangafox for the story at this point.

So. Now to the critiquing.

I would be lying if I said the series was bad, but then again, it's not as great as its hyped up to be. At this point I am annoyed at how there are 539 chapters and a total of 435 episodes (both as of May 18, 2011) and the series STILL HASN'T ENDED. Sure, it's not as bad as One Piece, a rare treat for myself, or Bleach, which I gave up on around episode 60, but still. Things drag on for far too long, whether its because of flashbacks, conversations, or legthy battles. The anime suffers the most with this, especially when it has far more filler episodes than the number of brain cells a snail has.

In terms of plot it can go on, but it tends to be fairly easy to follow and doesn't start to get confusing and incredibly stupid until mid-late Part II. Anyone can argue when the idocy began, but I cannot stand bullshit, which is territory that the series is going through right now.

(TANGENT ALERT) To kill off characters and then to bring them back as animated corpses is a load of bullshit! This is an obvious sign of the mangaka trying to hard to draw out the story far more than it needs to! (TANGENT OVER)

The overall pacing - before hell breaks lose - is right between good and slow, but not torturous. The cast is very large and relationships are not well developed, but usually there is at least two of three interesting secondary characters. The main cast varies as well, but from Fangirl's point of view, there are only a handful of people I loathe in Naruto. (Sakura is not one of them. Go ahead and kill me, guys. XP)

For those of you who have read my "Origins of My Identity" page, you already know that I was at one point a Sasuke fangirl. You could say he was one of the reasons why I started to back away from the series as a whole. Once the major plot point that we have been waiting for arrived (and it was freaking awesome), you'd think he would have a resolved problem and would tone down a bit. But, this is a shonen series that likes to go on for eternity. His character stoops far lower than what is realistically possible. At this point he needs to die because he is beyond repair.

But I digress...

I will not call this the greatest series ever, but it does have some merit. There were things that made me cry, laugh, smile, hate, and throw fits. If nothing else, I - and still do -gave a crap about what was going on. It's only a shame that those good memories are tainted by the reality that now the plot suffers as the manga and anime go on... and on... and on... and on... and killing all the good characters... and reanimating them with techniques... ad infinitum.

Because of this, I cannot give Naruto anything above a 3 out of 5.

I guess I'll invest more in shojo manga, where there is an end to the story at some point. But thank you for the fun trip while it lasted, Uzumaki Naruto. :)