‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’

I’ve had it. I'm done. I am so done.

This is the last straw. I’m at my limit. I can't take this anymore.

Fuck Disney.

Fuck Hollywood.

Fuck the trendy franchise addition.

Fuck the obsession with cinematic universes.

Fuck the corporate capitalist cult that strangles creativity in the name of profit.

Fuck Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

And fuck me for feeding money to this detestable beast.

... Feel free to keep count of how many times I curse in this post. It's one of those, people, so strap in tight. This rant-review hybrid is not for the faint of heart.

Spoilers, because I have succumbed to the power of the Dark Side, consequences be damned.

'No.6'

I hate stories that both succeed and fail. Or maybe this does neither. I honestly have no clue anymore.

The premise touches upon a theme that you usually like, and you assume it'd be an easy ride. Then you realize ten minutes in that it focuses on another theme that sets off every alarm bell in your mind. Despite your discomfort, you press on because the cast endears you enough to give them and their story a chance. Then about halfway through the journey as you make friends with the passengers, the main plot train breaks are busted. The narrative steamrolls towards a huge crash after it climbs a steep hill. Impact is immanent, but you hang on anyway because, as your life flashes before your eyes, you realize the main characters and the secondary theme that initially terrified you are the only reasons you're still on the damn ride in the first place. Finally, the train derails. But by some divine miracle the passengers you grew to love are safe and unharmed. You share tearful farewells as everyone is taken to the hospital. And as you look back at the burning remains of the plot, you wonder if the memory of this strange, avoidable catastrophe is even worth remembering.

That was my time with the anime and manga adaptations, as well as the original light novels, of No.6.

Spoilers, cursing, rage, and feels aplenty.

'Saw'

Once I started college, I felt less motivated to celebrate the holidays. I'm not entirely sure of the reason why, but when I do feel that the festivities bit me and gave me a three-day fever, I try not to fight it. So while I have no plans to embrace the spooky on the 31st this year, I can admit that I did embrace some of the feelings Halloween inspires.

For example, I finally watched Saw.

Yep. I watched it. Willingly.

I - Fangirl, Mel, Astrid, or whoever people know me as online - who has denounced the torture porn genre without hesitation, watched Saw.

Even my real life friends and parents didn't believe me when I said it.

I watched the grandfather of the torture porn genre's popularity in the first decade of the 2000s.

And I liked it.

Yes, I am dead serious. I like Saw 1.

And yes, since I am an opinionated bitch who has never failed to completely stop voicing her thoughts on something she feels strongly about, I will explain myself. Spoilers ahead, if you dare.

Yet Another Guilty Pleasure: Romance and 'Yuri!!! On Ice'

...

... I love Yuri!!! On Ice.  It's better for me to come out and say it on my own platform rather than on Twitter or Tumblr. Oh god I can't make myself look up YOI on Tumblr or Google without safe search...

Please don't ask me to rate this. I've no clue how to rate it anyway. This isn't a review. If you want to watch Yuri!!! On Ice, go forth and watch. If not, don't watch it; that's perfectly acceptable. If you're undecided, well, don't feel the need to watch it because of me or anyone else who asserts that this is the best thing ever (SPOILER: it isn't). This is not a show you need to watch right now, because it already has deserved more than enough praise. SERIOUSLY, this show does not need any more fans and/or attention.

Yet here I am, a fan, blushing uncontrollably as I'm typing this. I am ashamed. So very ashamed. I tried to resist this damned anime, and I have never failed so spectacularly in not giving a shit.

Yuri!!! On Ice, you broke me. You fucking broke me. You have left my brain and heart at odds over your stupid existence. I want those 30+ hours and five weeks worth of repeated binge-watching back. And you owe me a million grams of insulin for the diabetes you inflicted upon me. And I need directions to the nearest volcano to throw myself into.

There be SPOILERS ahoy... if you care enough. Seriously, please don't read beyond this point. You don't need to see me at my most pathetic. Seriously, read one of my older posts instead. You'll get more use out of my badly written high school drivel than this. Please. don't read any further. I beg of you. Don't do it.

Promise Lost ~ A Reflection on 'Mass Effect: Andromeda'

Enough of the eagerness and euphoria has left my bloodstream that I can look at Mass Effect: Andromeda a little more objectively. If I were to write a review today, I would align myself with those who gave the game a 7/10. By my rating system, that'd be about 3.5/5. Regardless of whether people think it's a good score or not, I cannot condone the gaming industry's skewed and bullshit re-interpretation of ratings for games, and I condemn the bombardment of low ratings from players who hate the superficial faults and call the entire game a dumpster fire based on said shallow nitpicks. Also, a budget of $40 million isn't that much money in the realm of AAA games, especially when this industry is getting so massive that Hollywood will soon be sweating bullets. Mass Effect: Andromeda's problems vastly eclipse quantitative numbers regarding finances and "five years".

THAT SAID. I may still say I love this game in many ways, but when I wake up and smell the coffee this game is a disappointment. Mass Effect: Andromeda took the franchise one step forward and two steps back for a variety of reasons more harmful than "bad animations". And above all, I fear the way Bioware will address these problems, much like every single major developer in the AAA market has done for almost a decade. Now that the Bioware Montreal team which worked on Andromeda is being downsized, my fears are coming true.

Without a doubt, this series deserves better that what we got, but I want to pick at the miniscule specs of gold that is worth preserving and improving upon.

Here there be some SPOILERS.

Farewell, HIM, My Lovable Music Nerds

Three days ago I caught wind of HIM calling it quits this year. They're holding one last tour across the globe to celebrate 26 years of music spanning eight albums, dozens of singles, and a bunch of bonus albums with remixes, live performances, and music videos. If I can make it to any of the shows in the US, that'd be great. If not... well... once is better than never, right?

To be honest, I'm not entirely shocked they're breaking up. It's been a few years since Tears on Tape's release, and I was concerned that it was playing a bit too much on the safe - if not stale - side. The lineup had not changed in over a decade until Gas left a few years ago. Without any major updates, I was waiting patiently, only to learn from one of my internet friends from Finland about this recent development.

I... I think I'm ok with this. I will never claim they're the best band to ever live. Not by a long shot.  I'm an unapologetic fangirl for this band, and Ville Valo raised my standards for men above and beyond the realm of reality, but I'm not stupid.

HIM were a goofy, strange band with an eclectic, diverse, and dynamic style that works wonderfully for some and fails disastrously for others. Scared moral guardians took His Infernal Majesty from their early days way too seriously (hell, even my own parents did at first, funnily enough), and a legion of fans came around thanks to Bam Margera's fanboy-ism going to insane levels in the early to mid 2000s. And, yes, some of the more intense fragments of the goth fans did sometimes get melodramatic about the band to the point that serious music critics could barely take HIM seriously. And most of all, some of Ville's lyrics are cringe-inducing in how corny, lame, intense, and sappy they can be; Razorblade Romance, even with its vibrant, migraine-splitting pink cover, is audio candy so sweet that you'll get diabetes and need a limb or two amputated before the halfway mark.

Despite all of that, they're my favorite band. They're my goofy, pseudo-goth band with their melodramatic brand of "love metal".

I literally fell in love with their music on Valentine's Day in my freshman year of high school. I pre-ordered two of their albums, both of which arrived at the very moments I needed them most: leaving school early due to illness, only for snow to cancel school the next day, and returning home from college to find items to help me complete my final assignment in an art course. They were the first concert I ever went to, and I was fuming when Ville came out on stage with his curly hair completely chopped off; I saved my babysitting money for tickets, and I bought my fingerless gloves, a sweatshirt, and a shirt that I still hold onto. They made me feel like a normal high school girl when I feared I felt too different, having pictures of Ville Valo cover the inside door of my locker, crushing hard on the tall, dark-haired baritone, and listening to all of their albums inside and out until I nearly memorized the lyrics to every single song. I was so happy to love a band that sounded as great live as they did in the studio, something that seems so rare for some reason. And I cannot stress how much I admire Ville Valo for being a singer and multi-instrumentalist as well as a songwriter in rock and metal, another unfortunate rarity these days.

HIM helped me endure period cramps that would leave me bedridden for two days. They inspired me to expand my taste in music further by listening to their influencers, including Type O Negative and Black Sabbath. They helped fuel some of my passion for writing, and they helped me focus on my long, overdone Persona 3 fanfic. They had fun with their art, making me laugh over interviews and live performance recordings throughout the years. They burned a big hole in my wallet that I proud of. They shined a little light on a country many people overlook due to them being so far north in the cold, and I wanted to learn more about Finland's language, culture, and art almost as much as anime made me fascinated in Japan. They taught me to not take my interests and opinions too seriously when others disagreed with me. They let me cry and be vulnerable when my parents divorced, when I left home for college, when I moved out of my mom's house, when I panicked about grades, when I searched for a job, and when I struggled with my confused feelings about love.

March 26, 2010, the day I lived a full life.

HIM helped me grow up. HIM made me a stronger person. HIM is a warm blanket that I have outgrown and has holes in it from overuse, but they always brought me joy when I needed them. I laughed and cried over a group of men I will never meet because their talents and abilities as artists created something beautiful and unique that can never be replaced.

And now... they're gone.

More than them breaking up and moving on to other projects, I lament how short those seven years of my being a fan were. There is no new album to look forward to anymore. It feels strange, eerie, like a sudden death of a friend. I'll miss HIM. I'll miss them so much. I will continue to treasure their music, and one day, I will have a heartagram tattoo in my skin. Every music fan has a group or song that means the world to them. HIM meant still means the world to me.

Ville, Linde, Mige, Burton, and Gas, godspeed, you adorable music nerds. Good luck to everything you boys do in joy and sorrow. Thank you.

*sniff* ... I managed this much without crying, and I'm failing. Shit, their music makes me wanna cry all the time now.
Damn it, I need to laugh.

I am so glad I saved all of these images on my computer over the years. XD

Haha, I love you, boys.

*cries*

Tiny Bites of Happiness: March 2016 Update

Despite the usual stress of a humdrum life - along with my undergoing the five stages of grief over my graduating college in less than two months (oh superior being(s), I'm not ready for this crap) - a few things in recent months have helped me calm my nerves. Job searching has been annoyingly difficult, but welcome to the real world, me. Having some outlets to find relief and escapism has helped me cope with more than just my lousy odds at having any kind of career. Look no further than the rowdy and colossal tsunami known as the American presidential race with the stupid orange-haired sub-primate who I will not name near the heart of the storm.

This has been the state of my brain for the past few months.

To give me more motivation to keep moving forward, I've invested in some basic stuff that I can use practically. I've been buying CDs more often than in the past since I drive more frequently for much longer distances. Though my music taste is still too niche for any FYE or Best Buy - and I don't feel like waiting forever with Amazon - I now plug my iPod in my car. Whenever I have my own place, I have some things from home that I claimed as "mine" so buying furniture won't be crazy or expensive. Aside from some financial lessons that need to be learned through trial and error, I can live anywhere in theory, which is liberating and scary.

Only recently I realized how most of the bands I discovered in high school have released new albums I did not hear one wit about. Perhaps I'm far more selective in my observation of the world than I thought, but hearing new Breaking Benjamin content for the first time in six years made my heart grow two sizes. Lacuna Coil's latest album Broken Crown Halo was rather dull compared to Dark Adrenaline but a new album this year will still catch my interest.  The Birthday Massacre released Superstition in late 2014 and I've been listening to it whenever I can on loop. The lovely gentlemen in HIM finally found a new drummer a while back and they'll be working on new music soon. Having kept track of their progress on making Screamworks and Tears on Tape, I worry about them the least... unless one of them joins David Bowie.

To make amends for not looking into him much sooner, I bought his music, re-watched Labyrinth, and bumped his projects higher on my bucket list. Much different mourning happened with Alan Rickman though. Much like what happened during that one scene in Star Wars The Force Awakens, I cried like a baby the moment I heard of his death. Speaking of movies, I haven't seen much other than Star Wars, Crimson Peak, and The Martian. The Netflix selection has been kinda lame too with some of my favorites getting the boot for other movies and shows I couldn't care less about. The outlook for films this year doesn't look great either, so I might not go to the theater for any reason.

I'm really sick of superheroes at this point. Guess it'll take more time for the bubble to burst than I thought. Oh well. At least some aspects of nerd culture are celebrated in the mainstream... for better or worse.

Video game-wise... uncle. I bought Dragon Age 2 because an old friend of mine made a good case for it... and I love it. Damn it, Dragon Age, you won. ...I don't wanna talk about it.

Don't. Say. Anything. Morri.

To ignore my embarrassing and shameful defeat I went into my backlog and re-ignited my love for Sonic the Hedgehog just in time for the franchise's 25th year anniversary. I played through Sonic Adventure 2 for old time's sake and cried at the ending as I did twelve years ago when I was young and innocent and didn't know better. Like the music I was unaware of for years, I wanted to see what direction Sonic had taken - aside from the memes and jokes my online friends indulge in endlessly.

What I uncovered... troubled me. I know that reason and understanding can be alien concepts to the fanbase even on the best days, but I did not expect to see how thoroughly devastated the battlefield is. The Megami Tensei and the Persona "wars" spoiled me rotten, because I completely forgot how nightmarish the train wreck of a fanbase and the non-fans can be with the mere mentioning of "Sonic".

And that's before we get into the games, the spin-offs, the shows, and everything else in the franchise. All I want is to play the games when I'm bored, smile at the posters on my walls, and occasionally snuggle my plushies when I need a hug. The last thing I need are reminders of how the smallest changes can cause a fan to explode into outrage -

...

... Think happy thoughts, Fangirl. Think happy thoughts. It's just fiction. It's not real. Don't let your blood pressure explode over a fictional character you loved that made you a gamer be turned into offensive, pointless, shameless fanservice with none of the depth, care, complexity, and pathos you expected even during the Dark Age of Sonic with his game and '06. It's just a spin-off. There's no reason to go on a homicidal rampage over one of your favorite video game characters of all time who embodies the tropes and cliches that you can't help but love in other characters in all other forms of media just because one game completely fucks up his characterization and completely misses the point of who he is, his motivations, and his development from a villain to a neutral-aligned heroic rival -

Nope. I can't do it.

Fuck you, Big Red Button! Fuck you, SEGA, for letting this abomination destroy any dignity the real Shadow has left! BETRAYAAAAL!!!! THIS BETRAYAL WILL NOT STAND -

...

Aside from that, I've been well. There are a few drafts I need to polish up, so maybe I'll post something within the next week or so.

*remembers job searching and resume writing to work on*

*sighs helplessly*

'Vampire Academy'... Never Forget

I was right all along.

There be spoilers, because I don't care anymore.

Critical Meltdowns of a Neurotic College Student

Several posts have been staring at me for the past few months (i.e. Mass Effect 3 review), but I can't seem to get them anywhere. Instead, I'll be productive by talking about a few things that have been eating at my brain for a long time.

This semester has me focusing extensively on Japan: two history courses, a few mentions in other social science classes, and my attempting to teach myself 日本語 in my free time. So far I'm doing fine and I'm enjoying what I'm learning, and if it weren't for 汉语, I'd be more lost on Kanji than if I started from scratch. That said, having learned jack and shit about Asia as a continent of diverse cultures and countries has set me back tremendously. I'm still ridiculously ignorant about the Asian political scene, thanks in part to my being American and having been drowned in European ideologies and thought. Making any kind of comparison or acknowledging similarities between an Asian country and a Western country sometimes feels like it'll come across as childish at best and offensive at worst. Add the fact the United States downplays any kind of relationships and issues we have had with Japan at any point and time and I feel like I'm staring at a mountain too steep and dangerous to climb.

"But, Fangirl," you'd ask, "what's the big deal? Clearly you're putting more effort into this than some Americans, so why complain?" Well, setting aside the existential angst I'm continuing to suffer thanks to inconsistent and fragmented data on job prospects for college kids in the US, I overthink everything.

'Puella Magi Madoka Magica'

...

This is one of the worst anime I have ever seen.

SPOILERS.

RE: Fangirl's 'Persona 4' Review

They're making a Persona 4 Golden anime adaptation.

…

…

My Life is a Mess: April 2014 Update

It's time to say goodbye to my baby. My four-year-old Macbook is dead. The battery refuses to charge reliably. The bottom cover - once sealed with duck tape by yours truly - has pealed off. The hard drive has been replaced and the memory has been upgraded. This monster has been fixed up so many times in the past two years, it's ready to go.

The timing is a bit funny too. The semester is ending in two weeks and I'll get a new computer before I head home. Too bad while I'm studying for finals and finishing up my project for my graphic novels class, I have to back up my data before my computer falls into a permanent coma. Forever.

So that pretty much means my fanfic will be on hold. I need to use my computer for school work more than anything else. In my free time I'll just work on beating Etrian Odyssey Untold and Strange Journey. I apologize, but even my Shin Megami Tensei IV review may be on hold for a few weeks until I get my stuff back together.

This update is shorter than normal. I have to be a bit more conservative with my electronics before I get back into my usual groove. Consisting of laziness. Huh. Nothing new considering my track record, lol.

'Vampire Academy' First Impressions

...

I need a orange Fanta and Spanish sangria cocktail. STAT.

Need to Vent... RISING.

For some odd reason my text gadget is glitching out. So my most recent "PSA From a Fangirl" will be a blog post instead. This won't happen very often. It's just a quick way for me to make a quick note about something that hit me. You might as well call it a tweet, only less toilet updates and celebrity gossip chains.

Anywho.

PSA From a Fangirl:
The US government has shut down today. Both Republicans and the President refuse to negotiate on the budget and health care reform.

China is free to demand us to cough up what we owe. North Korea is free to send out a nuclear missile. The terrorists are completely welcome to attack us on our soil again. Paranoid, hypocritical Christians are free to build their shelters when the supposed "Evil Islamic Armageddon" destroys the "good ol' 'Merican spirit!" "God bless the USA!"

Seriously. We are at our most vulnerable. We are practically begging for our country to crash and burn! We're practically asking for the nations our beloved fathers crafted for us to be decimated!! If these threats are real enough to manifest to enact change, please attack our country! We can't get anything done because of ideological and geopolitical cat fights. We need something to yank our heads out of our behinds!

And I blame all Americans - soldiers, politicians, businessmen, rednecks, intellectuals, conservatives, liberals, Congress, the president, the judicial branch, the federal government, the state government, lobbyists, diplomats, the religious, the irreligious, every ethnicity that exists in this country, the proud, the stupid, the smart, the young, the old, families, singles, the married, the rich, the poor, the middle class, capitalists, socialists, anarchists, men, women, students, the healthy, the sick, the dying, the druggies, the alcoholics, the smokers, the immigrants, the natives, doctors, teachers, journalists, bloggers, paparazzi, celebrities, Youtube celebrities, comedians, talk show hosts, musicians, tax payers, tax collectors, government organizations, straight people, gay people, transgender people, the employed, the unemployed, those who cannot vote, those who can vote AND myself.

Because it's all our fault. WE LET THIS HAPPEN. 

... ... ...

I'm too young to be tired of the epic failures of this world.

... ... ...

Y'know... I don't want to hate my home country. I honestly don't. The United States is my mother country and culture. I'm so embedded in it, I sometimes can't imagine myself living anywhere else and being just as satisfied. As much as I find China and Japan to have cool cultures and languages, I won't ever fit in there. I'd like to live in Europe sometime, but English is my only reliable form of communication. Plus, I'd stand out in a Caucasian continent. And let's not get started with politics, laws, money, and taxes...

Then I look at the state of the US now. We are so backwards and delusional. We're not the greatest country anymore. Hell, I doubt we ever were the greatest country in the world. We're just so rude, narrow-minded, arrogant, and irrational, it astounds me that we were once considered "the greatest country ever".

... ... ...

Yeah, I'm supposed to be a kid with big eyes and a drive to live on my own and make a different in the world.

Then the government shuts down because our leaders are so stubborn.

I guess we're just not motivated to do anything anymore. I know I'm fighting laziness and childish urges to crawl into a hole and play video games for the rest of my life. But when my elders show no desire to get work done, the sickness spreads and trickles down.

And this is the United States' greatest failure.

... ... ...

And it's been going on for nearly a decade.

... ... ...

... ... ...

*checks calendar*

I can't wait 'till I turn 21. I need a superior-beings-damned drink...

Fangirl's Lazy Post on E3... Or Why the Xbone Is in Trouble, Part 2

The whole internet pretty much summed up my general view of what happened this week. Microsoft shot themselves in the foot, and Sony laughed their asses off. While doing so, they did the simple trick of giving the people what they want: now they have us under their spell until they rip the rug from under our feet. It'll happen, it's business, I assure you. Meanwhile Nintendo did their own thing - as usual - and presented themselves well.

Since Sony and Nintendo tend to get my money in some way, shape, or form, I'll get a Wii U and/or a PS4 once the libraries have expanded. It'll probably be when I'm done college and have a stable income.

'Persona 3' Part IV

Grrrr...

Why this guy? Why now? Do I seriously have to pause the review for one stupid character?! He's barely in the game! There's no point in paying any attention to him!

...

*sighs*

...

Looks like I can't progress any further until I deal with this asshole first.

Damn it.

SPOILERS.

Political Compass, Many Months Later

Last time I took this political quiz, almost exactly one year ago...

Your political compass

Economic Left/Right: -1.88

Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.74

Now...

Your political compass

Economic Left/Right: -6.62

Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -4.82

Holy crap.

The moderately liberal libertarian transformed into an extremely communistic libertarian. My Republican best friend might not be happy about that. @_@ And like many people, I am still disenchanted by the choices in politicians. So I guess we're all in the same boat about something.

See where you fall: http://www.politicalcompass.org/test

'Persona 3': First Impressions

~~~Fangirl's LOG: 25 hours of gameplay complete.

You know, this game is really addicting! Maybe now I can finally dive into role playing games without being too anxious! Man, this is pretty great! First Mass Effect, now Persona 3! I am on a roll! This is exactly why I do research, ask questions, and then take a dip in the pool.

The gameplay is repetitive, but fun; the plot makes sense; the characters are likable - no, lovable; the drama feels natural and well-developed; and the music is awesome... Man, this is just too good to be true! For once, I actually give a crap about high school kids and their everyday shenanigans! For once, I'm actually really, really, completely happy with a video game! I can easily see myself playing this for many years, just like the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time! Man, those were some fantastic days of my childhood!

Surely my luck will run out at some point, but for now, I can settle with this long period of fun games! Yet another game to beckon me as I'm off in college away from my Playstation 3...

*newly bought PS Vita with Persona 4 screen protector catches eye*

... never mind! I can play this game whenever I shall please! This is like Christmas all over again! XD

~~~ Fangirl's LOG: 43 hours complete.

Holy crap! Things are getting real! Oh, boy, this is getting intense! Another full moon event! Time to kick some butt! I'm so psyched! I love this game so much!! Things just keep getting better and better!

~~~Fangirl's LOG: ten minutes later.

...

...

... what... just happened?

...

...

Ha, ha! Maybe I did something wrong. This is an RPG, right? There are tons of flags scattered about with choices that can affect the story! I should start again from scratch, just in case!

Sure, there are four months in the school year before the final battle and the end of the game, but maybe I can change that one little event! Right?

~~~Fangirl's LOG: Current save file abandoned. Created new save file. Decided to make different choices. After many hours pass, Fangirl reached reached the point of concern.

What.

It happened AGAIN? What the hell! What did I do wrong?! How can I undo it?! Where is the third option?! What route must I take to avoid it?! Please tell me it doesn't canonically happen!

It f'ing better not be canon! My fangirlish instincts are boiling with rage! Universe, please don't do this to me!!! This pessimistic Fangirl needs a happily ever after, dammit! One light of hope and happiness is all I ask for! All the fan art on the internet is NOT going to cut it!

~~~Fangirl's LOG: Turns off game without bothering to save. Goes online to look up in-depth, detailed research. Many, many sleepless nights pass by.

...

...

...

...

...

I quit. All the ice cream, crab cakes, dark chocolate, and HIM songs in the universe cannot help me unsee what I experienced. Not even fan art... or fanfiction...

What's canon, is canon.

Damn it...

...why did I play this...?

*sob*

July 2012 Update

I have been pretty silent lately because of my PS3. Lame excuse, I know. Since I refuse to take it with me to college until I am sure it will not be stolen by cheap morons, I want to treasure it as much as possible. So far, it's a really fun system and a billion times better than my PS2. The last thing I want to do is ramble on about my every opinion of the video game industry in a quick update post, so I may save it for later... along with the 70+ drafts waiting for my edits.

Forget Radical Train! Crisis City = un-####ING-controllable

Being a loyal fan, I made sure to play a Sonic game. Sonic Generations is so addictive and extremely nostalgic that it is a good enough reason for me to keep a console of this dying generation. After Sonic Heroes and Sonic Unleashed infuriated me to the point that I refused to beat them, this truly made me fall in love with the blue blur again. I easily spent three hours a day playing the mini games alone. Then I spent $17.00 on Sonic '06 and dared myself to beat it before I head off to college. To this very post I only completed 50% of Sonic's story before I pulled out my hair, threw my couch out the window, and cried myself to sleep. So much energy poorly channeled...

While on that went on, I tried to keep myself somewhat openminded. Assassin's Creed: Revelations and Dragon Age: Origins reminded me that I am no longer a child who cannot play anything above the T rating. The former game is so fun that I am excited for Assassin's Creed 3 this fall. The latter is so fun that I am scared for its mixed bag of a sequel. But that's nothing next to that OTHER controversial RPG.

Sonic Generations has collected dust for a few weeks because I've been playing Mass Effect 2 until it 3am most days. Once I heard about the new free downloadable content for the final installment that "fixes" the ending, I told myself to finally give the series a shot. So many hours of my life have been wasted. I regret little of it. Now that I have ME3, I can stop biting my nails, finish playing the series, and start writing more posts again.

In non-video game related stuff, my movie-going spirit has been at its all-time low with the abysmal Prometheus and the awkwardly executed Brave. Not to mention, The Dark Knight Rises is right around the corner, waiting for me to bite my thumb at everyone who throws praise at that overrated cash cow. Thankfully The Amazing Spiderman... was amazing, except 3D still sucks.

My music hunt has been pretty weak as well. My favorite acts either have no new content or are working on them, so I am left to find other bands to check out. Since electronic music is still my big craving, lately I've been considering checking out Julien-K and Kaya or diving deeper into Apoptygma Berzerk. Hell, if I'm desperate I'll try out Skrillex.

While in an indecisive phase, I'll look into my library and see what I can review for the sake of this blog. But, must... save Earth... from Reapers...  ... I need medical attention. T-T

What did I get myself into?

BEWARE! The Hate of Sonic 06's Soundtrack Is Over 9,000!!

Sonic 06, wake the **** up. You are NOT Final Fantasy.

Very well. I may not have played Sonic 06 since I currently don't own a XBox or a PS3, but I can still take this thing on. I watched at least four walkthroughs of this game and I listened to this soundtrack for months. I think I have enough room to toss my few cents into the opinion cup.

So here it goes.

This soundtrack is considered to be one of the best of this franchise.

... ... ... ... ...

BULLSHIT

Believe me, it gets much worse from here.

I apologize if any Sonic fan is reading this and loves this soundtrack. I am shooting bullets at this cocky piece of junk, not you. Please don't take this as a personal insult.

As for the rest of you... I'm sorry if my rage overwhelms anyone.

1:43 - What is THIS?! Is someone getting MARRIED?! *flashback to game*

OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! TT-TT

I'm serious... what the fudge was Sonic Team AND Sega on in 2006?! Why did they release a half-assed game with sloppy gameplay, inconsistent graphics, and a generally insultingly overrated and unexciting soundtrack?! Most of all, why has no one apologized for this train wreck?!

*storms away from computer, sits on bed, and meditates for seven years*

Okay, I'm cool... ish.

Pointless 28 second song is pointless!

I know making claims of what defines a "Sonic soundtrack" is shallow and stupid, but hear me out. Music in pretty much every Sonic game released was energetic, upbeat, or catchy. Even in the SEGA Genesis days, restricted by electronic bleeps, the music was still memorable! So what happened here? Electronic and rock still exist, except watered-down and lifeless. Other than an orchestra, keyboards, the occasional guitar, and woodwinds, no other instrument exists. They replaced actual drums with machines repeating the same damn noise over and over again. This is not fun, musical perfection, this is repetitive laziness. "Wave Ocean" is the prime example of such sloth!

*sigh* This ain't the Gerudo desert of the Zelda series... wake me up when it...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

This soundtrack is just as long as Shadow the Hedgehog's with over 90 songs, and YET Shadow's music was far more dynamic and energizing. Sure, not everyone can tolerate the sound that appeals more to rock and metal fans, but barely anything sounds exactly the same! Sonic 06, however, decides to have five songs sound 95% identical. This is mostly cutscene music too.

Yep an official Shadow recolor. Didn't see that one coming...

No seriously. That's the villain.

I kid you not, the tunes that play whenever Mephiles appears sound no different from each other, except that one during the cutscene with the pseudo-Jesus imagery. (That's a rage for another day...) There's "Resurrection of Mephiles", "The Black Shadow", "Mephiles' Whisper", "Mephiles' Temptation", and "Showdown with Mephiles". There was a cool theme that was duplicated and raped for no reason.

Silver, why did you debut in one of the worst games ever?!

WAAAAHHHH!!! 

And for character themes? "Dreams of an Absolution" - as I repeated for months - is the only track that deserves your serious attention. The in-game version of "His World" - not to be confused with the superior "Theme of Sonic the Hedgehog ~ E3 Version" - is hilariously awful. I'm sorry, Mr. Ali Tabatabaee, but in this song you are a lazy rapper. Just listen to the Crush 40 version, which the gods have blessed in their infinite wisdom... ...only to curse them. Crush 40's remake of "All Hail Shadow" is absolutely unnecessary. Magna-Fi made it glorious before, so why elongate and weaken what was concise and full of life?

Look, I have no issue with orchestral music. Symphonic metal is plagued with it. Nightwish dives head-first into the orchestration so much that it can be nauseating. But for them, it works because that was their style, their technique from day one. The fact that they continue it may prove that they are satisfied or that people want them to continue it until they die. Here, in a Sonic game it seems to work in small doses, otherwise it will look like everyone is trying too hard.

"The Past", "Chaos Control", "Revival", "Theme of Sonic Colors", "Theme of Sonic Unleashed", "To the World of the Memory", and "Metal Madness" are some examples of orchestration done well. They fit the tone and mood of the games they appear in while retaining a reasonable bit of memorability. Part of this is because we will hear these songs several times throughout the course of the game's story at the most appropriate moments. AND the games and their soundtracks don't drown themselves in such music.

Oh no! The tears that will release the Nine Tailed Fox from its' host!

It's the apocalypse! Cue the organ!

Yet Sonic 06 flips the bird at conservatively using what could be beautiful music and decides to fling new "impressive" and "elegant" crap at you to the point you forget what the fudge you're listening to! There are 48 event songs out of 94 tracks. 48 EVENT SONGS!!! That compares to 10 in Sonic Adventure 2, 17 in Sonic Colors, 10 in Sonic Generations, 11 in Sonic Heroes, and 6 in Sonic Adventure! 48 songs make up MORE THAN HALF OF THIS SOUNDTRACK! And most of the songs ARE REPEATS!!!!!

Fine, Shadow the Hedgehog has 49 event tracks. HOWEVER! Most of them STAND APART VERY CLEARLY!!! And many were re-used throughout the game WITHOUT DUPLICATE EDITS on the soundtrack! For crying out loud, Sonic Team!!!! Did you make Sonic 06 suck on purpose?! This is overkill!!!!

*walks away from computer and screams off the foulest curses ever conceived by mankind*

I have a headache. Seriously, I don't know if this or A Thousand Suns is the worst excuse of "great" albums I have ever heard. It's hard... man, is it hard... I could not finish listening to both in their entirety.

Yes, I gave up once we got to the Town Mission tunes. ...And I skipped the "Accordion Song". I wish that was a joke.

The only good action stage song that stuck the first time I listened.

Before I get a load of grief for my immaturity, I will admit that not every song was a colossal failure. Other than "Dreams of an Absolution", I found comfort in "Kingdom Valley", "Aquatic Base ~ Level 1", "Boss Fight Vs. Character", and "Theme of Dr. Eggman." These are five gems that I have found in a sea of oil and sludge.

And I refuse to comment in detail on "Sweet Dreams" and "My Destiny". They made me sick. Thankfully the developers didn't want me to puke excessively as the former never appeared on the soundtrack.

This could easily fit with the ARK stages in Shadow the Hedgehog...

Here's the greatest problem. Sonic 06 tried to impress everyone with its "realism" in graphics, story, and soundtrack. It's like Sonic would be deemed childish with the presence of epic, in-your-face music borrowing elements of rock, rap, jazz, techno, electronic, and orchestral. And what was released was a horrible disaster. They tried too damn hard and this ends up looking like a wanna-be Final Fantasy epic tale with snobbishly pretentious and "I'm superior to you all" music that should NEVER be in a Sonic game!

So what if I got into the games via the GameCube? I still have a tiny idea of what makes the blue blur awesome in the eyes of his fans. If you could stomach this more than me, fine. Enjoy it because I can't change your mind. But as you continue to praise it, I will continue to condemn it for failing to be the best damn thing it thinks it is.

Oh, Crush 40... we miss you dearly, even if you fumbled "All Hail Shadow"...

The good news about this? Sonic Team never attempted to overkill us with this pretentious, pseudo-elegent bullshit ever again! ... at least after Sonic Unleashed. *weeps*

0.5 out of 5

Because even this is the Mona Lisa next to the Twilight "saga".

I need to go brainwash myself with far better thoughts... A part of me has died...