"Payphone"

"Fangirl, why are you reviewing pop music when you despise it with all your being?"

That statement is untrue. Pop music was all I knew for a decent chunk of my childhood. It was easy to find and nearly everyone knew the songs I was talking about. Then I hit a phase when I spent my days bashing everything pop music offered. Now, I'm slowly leaning back towards the genre to the point I can tolerate some songs or artists without feeling too guilty. Maroon 5 is one of them.

My dad and I adore Songs About Jane. Sure, "This Love", "She Will Be Loved", and "Sunday Morning" were played to death back in 2002, but these were strong, versatile tracks full of energy. This was pop music in which I could actually hear guitars, drums, even pianos playing. If I can hear any of these things over the highly produced and polished electronic whines and obvious autotune, I tend to be a happy camper. Songs About Jane felt so organic that it's one of my favorite albums of all time. It easily sits with Smash Mouth's Astro Lounge as awesome albums to blast and sing to on a long road trip.

Then came It Won't Be Soon Before Long. And Hands All Over. Maroon 5 took a completely radical 180 turn that rubbed me the wrong way. Every now and then I get hints of the band trying to be, well, a band again ("Misery" in particular), but they continue to sound like overproduced, processed sludge. At one point they may have been considered funk rock, but by this point, they are exclusively pop. There is hardly any "rock" left in them. And "Payphone" is only solidifying this fact.

The song on its own is decent, but I don't see how it's hit-worthy. The melody is nicer and catchier than most of Maroon 5's recent works, yet it's very... weak. Other than being childishly simple, the lyrics are nothing to write home about either ("One more f***ing love song, I'll be sick" and "I gave you my love to borrow"... really?) Without Adam Levine's higher-than-normal vocals, I could see this being anyone else's song. It's so bland that it sounds like Fall Out Boy's "Me and You" sped up and chipmunk-ed. Or maybe this was a rejected Linkin Park song during the Minutes to Midnight era. Even HIM could make this if Ville was drunk-stupid and suicidal. Besides, Maroon 5 was once so easy to spot in the sea of samey-sounding music. Now they dropped whatever potential for unique flavor they had just to sell out.

"Selling out" is an overused phrase thrown by angry fans once their favorite acts go corporate and fit in with the latest music trend. Arguably, Linkin Park seems to be testing their luck with this to not much success. But with the nonsensical "Moves Like Jagger", Adam Levine in The Voice, and a guest rapper in this mediocre song, I think "selling out" describes Maroon 5 well.

Speaking of the guest rapper, the verse is pointless and forgetable. It needs to fall in a pit and die because it has nothing to do with the rest of the lyrics in the song. Wiz Khalifa, thank you for making Adam's parts sound godlike while thrusting the quality of the song as a whole into a pile of garbage. One minute, it's "I have nothing left now that this is over", then it's "eff u, biatch! I gotz all did $$ w/out u!!!" Way to make "Payphone" a schizophrenic mess.

This is far from Maroon 5's worst, but this continues to solidify my doubts that this band can be interesting again. They don't have to try to be edgy, but they could at least sound like they're trying to have fun. Where's the energy, the passion of the music? Where are the instruments? Clearly they were left to die trapped in a locked box, or executives successfully drowned them in varnish. This sterile piece of "meh" is okay, but from what these guys showed before, this is yet another big disappointment.

Really, I cannot say anything more.

With Rap: 1.3 out of 5

W/out Rap: 2 out of 5

'Anonymous'

Strikingly awesome poster. 'Nuff said.
(CREDIT: found on Wikipedia)

Shakespeare, a fraud? Try saying that to your English teacher. I know I did... playfully.

The greatest playwrite of the English language. Any pieces of fiction writen in books, sung in poetry, and performed on stage or film is subject to copywrite thanks to a dead man. The Einstein, the god, of literature. And it has been a solid fact for hundreds of years. Denial and skepticism will send you to the guillitine, electric chair, or the gallows.

But honestly, this whole debate about the authorship of Shakespeare is long and heavily researched to the point that an average human brain will hemorrhage. You might catch me spending more time in a library than the science lab, but even I don't have the attention span to tackle a controversy on life support thanks to stubborn scholars. I'll stick to extensive research on vampire mythology, thank you very much. Both might be overrated topics, but I have more patience with the latter.

Anonymous is a movie you should not take as historically acurate or factual. (For that matter, doubt that anything "based on a true story" is completely authentic.) And unless you are a Shakespearian scholar or history nut, don't overanalyze every single thing this film does wrong. Again, your brain will explode and I won't be there to clean you up.

To simplify things this film states that Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford was the real "Shakespeare" who gave his written works to Ben Johnson, who was to take the credit. But the real actor Shakespeare decided to take it for himself. ...It's complicated.

Standing on its own as a film, Anonymous is very entertaining. The look and atmosphere of London is absolutely beautiful - though the darker imagery made it felt more Victorian than Elizabethan, especially when it feels dark and cold all the time. (Even though I went to England over the summer, I had no clue the country was always like winter!) However, the cast is very good and solid with great performances. Shakespeare was an annoying drunken idiot, but he grows on you albiet very slowly. Everyone else... great. There is a lot of personality in the cast, but it gets so hard to remember names past the "big players."

The story, however, is a mess. The main cast is easy to recognize, but everyone's roles blur together and create an entangled confusion. Once Anonymous dives into the political drama - or "facts" - it gets really hard to stay on top on the banter. Some information was either extraneous or poorly conveyed to the casual viewer. Furthermore, most of the characters contradict their historical counterparts.

Worst of all the sequence of events were severely disconnected as the jump cuts jerk you back and forth between various periods of time. At first, the film was nice enough to give you the years but later you will be left asking "when in the heck are we?" The flow of time simply makes no sense.

If you can easily sit through an entertaining movie, you might enjoy this. Everyone else might bust their brains into the wall. As for me, I might or might not watch it again to pick up on the bullshit. It looks nice, but the storytelling is pretty darn confusing. At the end of the day, this conspiracy theory did not make me believe everything really happened. But then again I'm mature enough...

Maybe I'm too moderate for this type of thing...

FINAL VERDICT:

2 out of 5

'Elfen Lied'

And no. It is pronounced "lēd" or "lead" in leader, not "lied" as in a lie. >.<

(CREDIT: to the mangaka and the poet who wrote "Elfenlied")

RANK: 1.9 out of 5 <-- frustrating="">

"Don't judge a book by its cover." Damn, that phrase irks me every time someone says it. It's thrown around so loosely to the point that you just judge for the sake of forming an opinion. This time, however, that phrase is the best way to describe Elfen Lied.

This series is a literal disaster zone. Buckets of blood and violence with cute little moe-styled characters having their heads and limbs fly everywhere. Tons of fanservice and nudity more disturbing than those in shows like Ikki Tousen or Master of Martial Hearts. Excessive exposition, unanswered questions, sloppy writing, etc. etc. ALL of these things plague and stain the reputation of this series.

So why did I put myself through hell to read the manga? The anime was made before the manga finished; thus, to experience the "true" story with the "true" ending, I read all 108 chapters online.

On one hand, Elfen Lied, despite the annoying writing style, has a decently endearing charm to it that can be liked or hated. Like an amateur "theater group" trying to perform Shakespeare, Elfen Lied has such a crude facade that only certain people can overlook to find the quality behind it. At its core, Elfen Lied is about the pain, loneliness, and rage inside of a girl who fights against it every day. No matter how hard she tries to not kill and to live at peace with humanity, her powers and years of abuse explode and create an unwanted bloodbath. Yet you might be surprised of how emotionally attached you might be to Lucy in the last few manga chapters. Easily she is the best thing in this series.

Other characters get backstory, and some relationships are heartwarming. Lucy and Kouta's relationship went down a very predictable path until the last quarter of the manga, which allowed their conflict to end on a bittersweet, but satisfying note. Besides the main character, Kurama, Nana, and Bando were some of the most memorable characters in the cast.

Now, about that theater troop...

Elfen Lied is a good tragic drama with some really cool sci-fi elements that are easy to understand. That being said, if someone on this planet could rewrite the manga and anime by eliminating all the - pardon my French - bullshit, maybe this series wouldn't make people cringe.

The anime might be notorious for being extremely bloody (like Hellsing Ultimate) and full of fanservice... BUT the manga has an inexcusably monstrous amount of both. There are so many pointless and revolting scenes of nudity that it might as well be porn. I think Marilyn Manson's face would turn green if he saw this.

I really wanted to like Elfen Lied, even in the "so bad, it's good" kind of way. Yes, I cried a billion times at the manga's end and twice at the anime's end, but this series has such a thick, nasty outside that it might not always be worth it when you get to the good stuff.

At least the anime has beautifully haunting music.

Elfen Lied had a very interesting premise, with elements of sci-fi, drama, and tragedy morphed and twisted into a gruesome but different creature. With some serious work on rewriting scenes, humor, and events this would have been a more sophisticated work. Plus, cut out the disgusting fanservice: some of the nudity in later chapters were fine, but early on it was still horrendously overdone.

I don't regret trying this out but...*cringes* I seriously need a shower.

"What You Want"

(CREDIT: to Evanescence... about time...)

RANK: 2 out of 5 <-- Try Again

After FIVE freaking years, Evanescence FINALLY released SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!! (yeah, there was "Together Again", but that's another story...)

My impression of "What You Want?" "...bleh."

You all know how I feel about this band, so I won't dive into what drives me up the wall. Yet my most viewed posts are related to Evanescence. Either you like to read my obnoxious nitpicking, or you like to stick to what's familiar. Whatever the reason is, that is an irrelevant issue here.

As a sneak peak into the new album, "What You Want" is - admittedly - decent on the heads side of a coin. Unlike most tracks off of The Open Door, a balance between the band and Amy exists in a more harmonious manner. In a way Amy's vocals in "What You Want" reminds one of Simone's in "Never Enough" by Epica (check it out.) This in a way is not terrible, because this single sounds more complete and satisfying than anything since Fallen. On the other hand, Amy still dominates so much that my annoyance meter is in the red. A mixed bag is the final result instead of an improvement. Oh well.

The actual music is repetitive and catchy, but not memorable. Feel free to sit back and listen to "What You Want" when your ipod is set on random. No harm done in such a mindless setting, but this song has very little repeat value. No new territory in mainstream rock has been explored, especially when it's needed in this sea of club songs, bragging raps, and tasteless auto-tune. Still, "What You Want" is not "Bring Me to Life" but maybe this marks a chance for rock to get solid footing again. If only Evanescence's new album doesn't suck...

I am not excited about it, but I might check out the new album sometime in the future. My cynical self will not be quick to give Evanescence any praise for originality and authenticity until they fully deserve it.

Once again Evanescence remains stuck in the shadow of European "gothic metal" bands with female singers. Almost every song released by this band can be compared to that of such acts. As a result, people place Evanescence in the same box as Lacuna Coil, Epica, Nightwish, and The Gathering and claim that such acts are inferior. However, one must acknowledge that Evanescence is a mainstream band, at most a gateway towards the aforementioned bands.

"What You Want" made a tiny scratch, noticeable for a short while, on my thick skin, only to heal without a scar. Take it as you will, because I'm not really interested in how well or badly it is received. I do not mean to discourage you from checking this out or having a different opinion; however, I have simply distanced myself from Evanescence on an emotional level a long time ago.

Geez, this song is so bland, I have brought little to the table in terms of criticism. In conclusion, "What You Want" is an Evanescence song, but there is little to no signs of actual growth despite the four-five year hiatus. It makes one wonder what was going on...

Now that this 2-ranked average review is over, time to listen to some legitimately interesting pop music. Oh, Ben-chan! Will you share your new single to the rest of the world instead of letting Japan hog it...?

'Vampire Knight'

(CREDIT: created by Matsuri Hino.)

Rank: 2 out of 5 <-- average

Basic Overview:

Yuki Cross remebers her earliest memory of being attacked by a vampire and saved by another named Kaname Kuran. Ten years later, Yuki and a vampire hunter named Zero attend Cross Academy as guardians protecting the "Day Class" human students from the "Night Class" vampire students. The story follows Yuki having suspicions about Kaname, helping Zero deal with his turning into a vampire, recovering her lost memories, and dealing with vampire society.

After a while, I have come to realize that this story is Vampire Academy without traveling, controversy, sex, and any form of humor. Reading Vampire Knight is the equivilent of taking a class and realizing over time that you are unable to absorb anymore reasonable information without wanting out. The course might be interesting, but you have hit the point when the information has exhausted you.

The overall storytelling strikes as one of the biggest unavoidable flaws of Vampire Knight. I brought this up with a friend on Pandora a few months back, and he said that though he liked the artwork (he especially liked the rose design - see to the left), he found the plot to be very overdramatic and cheesy. On one hand I agree with him; however, this is not my biggest concern. Maybe it has to do with the "women liking cheesy drama and romance" stereotype box that I fit in every now and then. Hey, I'm not ashamed.

I find that this series indulges too much in being too vague and one-dimensional. Though far better than one particular "vampire" interpretation, these vampires are still lame. We get it: they are gorgeous, they sleep in the day, they crave the blood of their lovers, and they have proper manners. Some characteristics that are never brought into question are how they react to sunlight, how long do they live on average, and why the hell are they so human? Sure, I enjoy the vampires with guilty consciousnesses in other stories (*cAoNuGgEhLs* *cMoIuCgKh*), but Vampire Knight doesn't bring up the fact that most vampires... KILL HUMANS. Having cunning, evil vampires haunt and terrorize the most royal of their people doesn't quite satisfy. Even in a human world, that whole concept is esseintailly boring in its basic form.

Want vampires terrorizing society? Once again, Vampire Academy has it, and does it better.

Not to mention that chess references and symbolism are splattered all over the story. If only I knew how to play would I understand what is going on with the story 75% of the time. Damn that cursed exposition (which plagues the "plot" by the way)!

As for people... either they were major and important from day one, or they are one-dimensional and forgettable. No character stands out in a unique way, except maybe Zero, the most stubbornly unbreakable and indifferent character I have ever seen. He makes all hard-skinned bad boys look like cry babies. Yuki fits one of the several typical shojo heroine types: enthusiastic, thoughtful, curious, big-eyed, selfless, always hungry, not very school-oriented, etc. etc. But until a certain point, she was pretty enjoyable for what she was. No freaking out like Tohru (Fruits Basket) and not a crybaby like Mikan (Gakuen Alice.) And for Kaname... about that guy... He is the Edward Cullen that finally had the balls to come out and say "I have emotional issues and I express it by being possessive and treating Yuki like a child."

Until this series is done, I am still for Yuki and Zero being a pair because at least they had a real relationship as opposed to Yuki and Kaname's... I probably shouldn't spoil anything.

But one might wonder why I didn't rate this any lower: the series started off cliched, but decent. The anime had more humerous moments than the manga, but character interaction stimulated a few chuckles, especially when Akatsuki and Hanabusa are around. Yuki and Zero's growing friendship marks as a definite highlight. But once Yuki gets her memories back, the storyline gets annoying and I start to care less about everyone (except Zero. ^_^) The "plot" flows rather awkwardly because it often fails at introducing and fleshing out secondary characters. Sometimes in order to enjoy a story, the characters must be likable when they face conflict.

So overall, I give Vampire Knight a 2.0: there are might be three decent characters with interesting pasts, but a better sense of direction and less vagueness might have made it a 3.0.

I am still yet to figure out why I still keep an eye on this series. Maybe I invest too much energy and hope into certain relationships between characters...

(REEDIT: Sept. 10, 2011)