It might take some time for me to work on fresh content because finally, FINALLY, I am gainfully employed!
I started just over a week ago and the hours are kinda long; however, the first real step into adulthood has happened for me. Not too shabby for a May 2016 graduate to get the first job over a year and a half later with benefits in one of the more expensive cities in the United States. Having my own place to live alone is still a long way to go, but the fact I'm making gains towards it is a plus.
Hell, I'm more psyched that planning a vacation in Japan is much closer to reality than ever before. I need to actually use what I've been learning incrementally.
So, yeah, 2018 has started off pretty well for me. How's the rest of the world?
Real life remains a priority for me, even though some mild depression has dampened my motivation to get out of my rut of unemployment. I can't say how good things look at this point, but I still have enough energy to keep moving, even if the overly critical voice in my head loves to find new ways to subvert any progress I've made. The fact I'm aware of my current state of mind means I'm starting off on the right foot when I start to take action.
That said, I'm still uploading my Persona 3 fanfic, Through the Empty Spiral, on AO3 (30 chapters as of this post), and I'm trying to get my own original story off the ground. A few scenes have come to life, and a dozen characters are begging for their time to shine, so I have plenty of ideas to sculpt and polish. Once I have a more concrete design plan and an actual narrative timeline structured, I might rant about some of the problems I've run into and other concerns floating around my head as I break down this seemingly herculean project.
Entertainment-wise, I've been watching season 2 of March Comes in Like a Lion and fighting every urge to adopt Rei Kiriyama as my son or little brother, and I admit I'm tempted to watch My Hero Academia due to my thirst for shonen anime kicking into overdrive after years of avoiding the genre. Long-running anime with substantial filler content are too great of a commitment and One Piece never did anything for me despite trying multiple times. Thus My Hero Academia, which seems to be running in concise, tight few-episode seasons, may be a safe investment at this point. Maybe a Japanese take on superheroes will provide a different kind of story I can get behind compared to the unavoidable decade-plus-and-still-running Marvel and DC typhoon. If all else fails, an anime reviewer I once followed in high school recommended Busou Renkin many years ago, and I'm enjoying it enough so far. And there is always JoJo's Bizarre Adventure if I'm that desperate. I have options.
My music listening habits has taken a strange turn this year. My Spotify playlists suddenly have 80s, 70s, and 60s hits that radio stations my parents listened to during my childhood, and a few recent pop hits slipped in too. The former is nostalgia hitting me in a sudden wave, and the latter is my best friend's bachelorette party playlist indoctrinating me for an entire weekend during the summer. Although by my own volition I have slowly become a small fan of Charli XCX (hence my Music Mood having "Black Roses" a while ago) after listening to some songs that appeared in The Sims 3 (which I can no longer play thanks to computer problems *sobs*), and I danced for joy when Marilyn Manson dropped his latest album a few weeks ago.
As for movies and video games? The last film I saw in theaters was It, which is both one of the better and more frustrating horror films as of late due to it squandering its diamond-quality potential with severe tonal inconsistencies and an abusive number of tactless and moment-killing jump scares. At least the Nostalgia Critic's review made me laugh harder than I ever had over his content in years. Beyond It and Saw 1, no films impacted me in a meaningful way this year.
The same can be said about video games, since I already discussed (in some detail) Mass Effect: Andromeda and Persona 5. However, I recently impulse-bought Yakuza Kiwami and called it crack on Twitter. The gameplay is addictive as hell, the characters bleed so much delicious ham and cheese, and I get to soak up more little (albeit fictional) things about Japanese culture and the yakuza, so call that game a net positive experience.
All of that said, seeking escapism and looking into myself for refuge against the insanity of the world only works for so long. That might be why I am feeling more melancholic and pessimistic than usual. Being thoughtful and introspective doesn't help when everyone in the world is screaming bloody murder over every little thing until nothing seems to matter anymore. We are in chaotic times, and I wish I knew how to navigate the colossal, seemingly planet-sized hurricane.
It's still too soon to render judgment on the state of things in 2017, but at least beloved celebrities weren't dying on a bimonthly basis like last year. (Oh, yes, I am still butthurt that David Bowie and Alan Rickman died within days of each other in January 2016. That was one of the worst weeks of my life.) Sure, the orange monkey still tweets like a tantrum-throwing toddler with immunity from being banned for some unfathomable reason, cock-measuring contests between the US and North Korea has me fear for Japan's and South Korea's safeties, and reputations are getting slaughtered over things as small as illogical accusations and blatant corruption, but at least getting stabbed with acupuncture needles every day still beats a shotgun to the balls every week! I'm bleeding, but I can still force myself to smile when I have to!
It's a miracle I still retain some sanity and have not succumbed to the "breaking news" bullshit the media farts every second by listening to political podcasts from different sects of the political spectrum back when it still mattered. I try my best to not become too political here despite this being my personal blog, but since I have had some people leave comments who did not agree with my thoughts at all, worrying constantly will do no one any good. You are your own worst critic, and I have said some scathing things about myself that other people haven't conceived of yet. It won't stop trolls and negative comments, but some self-awareness goes a long way.
So if any bridges are to be burned over what I say, so be it. Don't let me stop you. I'm not going to cry over the loss of the negative two hundred followers I actually have. Because I'm not going to throw a tantrum over every stupid thing the president and his administration says or does, and I'm not going to blindly follow a political side or cause solely on the basis of how moral an ideology or person supposedly is. A lot of people in the world are suffering and are in pain, every side has a slither of truth and a slither of falsehoods; the last thing I want is to develop a knee-jerk habit of devaluing a human being because they do not share ideas, educational background, or opinions with me. And yes, that means that I am not going to punch a Nazi unless in legitimate, legally defined self-defense because they tried to physically and deliberately cause injury to me (them simply existing does not count).
The state of the world at the moment... sadly.
Now that I got that out of the way and my readership fell to -10,000, I can be left to listen to so-bad-it's-fun music on Spotify and vent my frustrations with American politics into another potential novel that likely won't be published until I'm on my deathbed. Or watch teenagers with bizarre hair punch each other in crazy, nonsensical ways.
Bless the age of streaming, even with the obnoxious commercials. My soul feels slightly cleaner now that I can watch a good portion of anime on legitimate websites.
Once I purchased Persona 5, I fell into a deep rabbit hole in which I think I'm climbing back out of. It's hard to say at this point since I'm still in the middle of being distracted. I haven't streamed or updated my blog due to my narrow focus as of late. At least I have uploaded nearly 20 chapters of my Persona 3 fanfic on a semi-regular weekly basis, though I had to pause briefly to make some additional changes to my drafts before continuing the upload.
I will keep working on my Mass Effect: Andromeda post, but with the three released patches and the news that Bioware's Montreal team is being downsized due to all the backlash and EA being EA, I still don't feel entirely confident rendering judgement on the game. My excitement has sobered considerably, particularly because Persona 5 is vastly superior in nearly every single way, and I have been unable to bring myself to complete my third run with my Vetra-mancing Ryder despite being 75% done the main story. That sentence might damn the game more than a long rant, but I have to be honest about where I'm sitting as of today.
Rather than focus on lukewarm topics, I'll share more positive news.
Over the past few years, I've been struggling with finding a way to express myself that I am comfortable with and not feel bored in the process. This blog has helped me a lot in high school, but I know I've been neglecting it due to my personal insecurities and the changes in my personal life. It doesn't help that college was just a busy time for me in general. The timing couldn't be more perfect: last year, when my activity here was at an all-time low, I had the most visitors.
There went a window of opportunity and growth that I missed.
Anywho. Since I graduated from college almost a year ago, and the possibilities are endless, I'm now trying to change how I approach my hobbies to see if I can do anything with them besides hiding in a corner and wailing. I started by posting my fanfic, Through the Empty Spiral, over a month ago on a semi-weekly basis. I can't be a better writer unless it's out there to get praise or ridicule. There are still a few posts I have not yet published, and I want to work on them so fewer untouched items sit at the bottom of the basket.
Yep. I dabbled in streaming. By myself. While sober.
Me. Doing anything based in video. Me, who had two panic attacks in my public speaking course in my freshman year and somehow still got a B. The me who stutters and rambles if I don't have a script handy. The me who has no following whatsoever and pretends that at least one person likes what I say on this vast, open, wild and free country known as the internet.
Past me would hate current me for my nerve.
Well, time and events do change people. The me from 2010 would not recognize the me of 2017. Honestly, not changing would have made me an insufferable person, and I still have enough energy in me to make changes and improvements when necessary and practical. If writing alone isn't enough to get me excited or to motivate me to learn, well, I do the very thing that I once claimed I would never, ever attempt.
In my personal experience, being late to hop onto the bandwagon is better than never. There are still a lot of kinks to iron out with streaming (some of which can't be avoided due to my less than perfect internet connection and the PS4 not being a PC powerhouse), but I thought, "Why the fuck not? Try it out and see if you like it. If it works out, that's awesome; if not, at least you tested your limits." As of this post, I have two sessions saved on my Twitch archive, and once they vanish thanks to the 14-day limit they will sit on the Youtube account I have thanks to Google. I doubt anything will come out of this, but I'm willing to try a medium outside of my comfort zone. Writing comes much more naturally to me than speaking or making videos, so this unmarked territory will bring all sorts of challenges I never had the chance to know about or attempt to overcome.
I am uncertain how things will play out this year, especially when my current job will end this July and finding a new one will be me fighting the same anxiety demon as I did last summer. If this helps keep me sane and I learn a few things about myself along the way, then I'll feel like I accomplished something.
In the meantime Mass Effect Andromeda comes out nine days from now, and my bank account hates me for it. I will likely be off the map for a while, gushing and squeeing over the return to the world of Mass Effect in a new, refreshing way, but when in doubt, I will likely say something on Twitter.
Maybe if I'm ballsy enough, I might stream a bit of Andromeda... as soon as I make changes to the resolution and fix the audio. And pray my internet doesn't crap out on me. Baby steps, me, baby steps...
Yesterday marked the end of an era. Today, an 70-year-old offspring of a human and an orangutang is sworn in as presidency in America's great capital with almost no heavy traffic, no Hollywood celebrities in sight, protests galore, an uncrowded broken subway system, and venues canceling events due to lack of interest in today's humiliating festivities.
God bless America.
At least now people are starting to wake up and fight back, which makes the world feel slightly less crazy than it already is. 2017 is starting off better than last year, so I'm trying to stay positive. Having John Oliver and Bill Maher back on air as soon as there done with their breaks will help tremendously. The non-profit I work for is planning to write up an open letter to keep certain conversations about issues going. And Chelsea Manning will be free in May, which is the best news to start off this year.
Anywho.
Gaming-wise, I'm pretty lax with the six games - including Tales of Zestiria, Hatsune Miku Project Diva X, and Bloodborne - I have for my Playstation 4 Pro. They're barely helping me get by until Mass Effect Andromeda and Persona 5 (the delay to add in dual audio and the drama that it caused baffled me more than anything), but now that I'm in love with Dragon Age, I am now in agony until the fourth game comes out.
(Thankfully I'm not foaming at the mouth and, AOS is right, but I am still annoyed.)
Music-wise, I got a Spotify account. I've been bored of my own personal music library and I'm too broke to buy CDs and iTunes gift cards at the moment, so this is a fair compromise. Since it's been years since I last heard them, I've been listening to more Moonspell, Eisbrecher, Pain, and Tristania. HIM is still touring, thank goodness, but waiting for their ninth album is also killing me. I guess since I'm not making much money, this means I can afford to wait until I jump onto another job with a higher wage. Until then, going back down memory lane when I listened to music on Pandora has reminded me that there are still great bands out there if you look hard enough.
Movie-wise, I saw Rogue One with my dad, and we enjoyed it immensely. Otherwise I have not seen many films as of late. Netflix's library hasn't enamored me either besides A Series of Unfortunate Events. I grew up reading the books, and while I don't remember much from them, the show does touch ideas that I remembered enjoying from the books. Part of me still likes the 2004 film, but this series has caught my attention, and I will stick with it. Not much else has kept my attention long enough anyway.
Oh, and I finally just started posting my Persona 3 fanfic.
As of this post, only three chapters are up, but I will try to post new chapters up weekly. This also gives me time to polish up the laster chapters as I tie the last knots of the plot since I'm literally at the tail end of the story. Feel free to check it out.
Yep, I am so feeling the love right now. I think I should focus on writing something constructive -
"Ar dirthan'as ir elgara, ma'sula e'var vhenan."
...
I do not like bald eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I Am.
Hello, people. It's me. I know I've been inactive for 75% of the year, but I'm still alive. I needed a long break, and now I'm feeling better, despite this year being... this year.
2016 was such a crappy year. I want to comfort the me from January who cried for days after Alan Rickman's death and try not to admit that the year would only get worse. Because, holy shit, 2016 got so much worse after January. Everyone and their mother has listed dozens of reasons why 2016 sucked ass, so I won't go on a long rant here today. It's Christmas and I'm feeling mellow at the moment. Not being bombarded by Christmas songs this year helped a ton.
Rather than dwell too much on the orange monkey that will lead my country and all the authoritarian politicians who want to drag us back to the Cold War era with bashing communism and Russia, I want to focus on some of the positives of this year in a quick post.
First, I have a job. Not a fantastic-paying job, but it's a job. I don't wake up dreading going there every morning despite cursing my hatred of mornings. I haven't had much time to write because I channeled most of my energy into looking for work and finding a place to live after I graduated in May. I said goodbye to suburban Pennsylvania and moved to the city. Things have settled for the most part, and I've adapted to my work environment well.
Second, I took a Japanese class to keep my brain preoccupied. More than anything I miss learning new things and having discussions about deep subjects, so the class was a good 10-week investment. Thankfully I am doing well enough that I can still indulge in my hobbies.
Third, I must confess... I got a Playstation 4.
I cannot look at the controller and not remember Yahtzee's "rectangular clitoris" comment. XD
I only have the Game of the Year Edition of Dragon Age Inquisition, which has made me beyond thrilled to finally play that epilogue. If nothing else, Dragon Age has helped me get through this awful year. I met more internet friends to chat with, I got back into writing, and I sank way too many hours in a game series that has fried my nerves more than Mass Effect has done. Nothing has made me as emotional upset since the ending of Mass Effect 3, until I learned how much I wanted to fry eggs.
Anywho.
At this point in my life, I don't think I'm going to post here as often as I used to. This was always a personal blog for me and my hobbies, and as much as I wondered if I wanted to do more with this, I'm glad this has remained small. Hopefully next year will start off less awful, and maybe I'll be a bit more active.
If not, I'm on Twitter.
Meanwhile, my next big goal is to save up enough money so I can have a gaming PC. Since I have a Twitch account ready for that, I'll keep my mind open to streaming. Nothing too major.
"But what about that stupid Persona 3 fanfic you made a big deal about for, like, three years, Fangirl? Are you done with it yet?"
It'll be open to mass ridicule, insults, and humiliation very soon, actually, thanks for asking.
And Merry Christmas to you too.
In case I don't post anything again in the next few days...
Despite the usual stress of a humdrum life - along with my undergoing the five stages of grief over my graduating college in less than two months (oh superior being(s), I'm not readyfor this crap) - a few things in recent months have helped me calm my nerves. Job searching has been annoyingly difficult, but welcome to the real world, me. Having some outlets to find relief and escapism has helped me cope with more than just my lousy odds at having any kind of career. Look no further than the rowdy and colossal tsunami known as the American presidential race with the stupid orange-haired sub-primate who I will not name near the heart of the storm.
This has been the state of my brain for the past few months.
To give me more motivation to keep moving forward, I've invested in some basic stuff that I can use practically. I've been buying CDs more often than in the past since I drive more frequently for much longer distances. Though my music taste is still too niche for any FYE or Best Buy - and I don't feel like waiting forever with Amazon - I now plug my iPod in my car. Whenever I have my own place, I have some things from home that I claimed as "mine" so buying furniture won't be crazy or expensive. Aside from some financial lessons that need to be learned through trial and error, I can live anywhere in theory, which is liberating and scary.
Only recently I realized how most of the bands I discovered in high school have released new albums I did not hear one wit about. Perhaps I'm far more selective in my observation of the world than I thought, but hearing new Breaking Benjamin content for the first time in six years made my heart grow two sizes. Lacuna Coil's latest album Broken Crown Halo was rather dull compared to Dark Adrenaline but a new album this year will still catch my interest. The Birthday Massacre released Superstition in late 2014 and I've been listening to it whenever I can on loop. The lovely gentlemen in HIM finally found a new drummer a while back and they'll be working on new music soon. Having kept track of their progress on making Screamworks and Tears on Tape, I worry about them the least... unless one of them joins David Bowie.
To make amends for not looking into him much sooner, I bought his music, re-watched Labyrinth, and bumped his projects higher on my bucket list. Much different mourning happened with Alan Rickman though. Much like what happened during that one scene in Star Wars The Force Awakens, I cried like a baby the moment I heard of his death. Speaking of movies, I haven't seen much other than Star Wars, Crimson Peak, and The Martian. The Netflix selection has been kinda lame too with some of my favorites getting the boot for other movies and shows I couldn't care less about. The outlook for films this year doesn't look great either, so I might not go to the theater for any reason.
I'm really sick of superheroes at this point. Guess it'll take more time for the bubble to burst than I thought. Oh well. At least some aspects of nerd culture are celebrated in the mainstream... for better or worse.
Video game-wise... uncle. I bought Dragon Age 2 because an old friend of mine made a good case for it... and I love it. Damn it, Dragon Age, you won. ...I don't wanna talk about it.
Don't. Say. Anything. Morri.
To ignore my embarrassing and shameful defeat I went into my backlog and re-ignited my love for Sonic the Hedgehog just in time for the franchise's 25th year anniversary. I played through Sonic Adventure 2 for old time's sake and cried at the ending as I did twelve years ago when I was young and innocent and didn't know better. Like the music I was unaware of for years, I wanted to see what direction Sonic had taken - aside from the memes and jokes my online friends indulge in endlessly.
What I uncovered... troubled me. I know that reason and understanding can be alien concepts to the fanbase even on the best days, but I did not expect to see how thoroughly devastated the battlefield is. The Megami Tensei and the Persona "wars" spoiled me rotten, because I completely forgot how nightmarish the train wreck of a fanbase and the non-fans can be with the mere mentioning of "Sonic".
And that's before we get into the games, the spin-offs, the shows, and everything else in the franchise. All I want is to play the games when I'm bored, smile at the posters on my walls, and occasionally snuggle my plushies when I need a hug. The last thing I need are reminders of how the smallest changes can cause a fan to explode into outrage -
...
... Think happy thoughts, Fangirl. Think happy thoughts. It's just fiction. It's not real. Don't let your blood pressure explode over a fictional character you loved that made you a gamer be turned into offensive, pointless, shameless fanservice with none of the depth, care, complexity, and pathos you expected even during the Dark Age of Sonic with his game and '06. It's just a spin-off. There's no reason to go on a homicidal rampage over one of your favorite video game characters of all time who embodies the tropes and cliches that you can't help but love in other characters in all other forms of media just because one game completely fucks up his characterization and completely misses the point of who he is, his motivations, and his development from a villain to a neutral-aligned heroic rival -
Nope. I can't do it.
Fuck you, Big Red Button! Fuck you, SEGA, for letting this abomination destroy any dignity the real Shadow has left! BETRAYAAAAL!!!! THIS BETRAYAL WILL NOT STAND -
...
Aside from that, I've been well. There are a few drafts I need to polish up, so maybe I'll post something within the next week or so.
*remembers job searching and resume writing to work on*
My next final exam is in six hours and I can't get a wink because I had too much soda and caffeine. Oh well. I should be ok so long as I make it to the classroom on time.
Anywho, I know this year has been sorely lacking in content, and I cannot apologize enough for it. Being a senior in college has put me on edge, especially when I can't tell anyone what the hell I'm doing anymore. When I'm not going mad from plans, rejected internship applications, and disappointed parents, I've been consuming media... in small pieces. In fact a rant should be coming up soon.
A pity my consoles have been packed away so that pushed back some of my plans, but I'll keep working on drafts and see what I can pump out when I'm in the mood. (Long-time readers know which review I've been neglecting.) I'll try harder, as writing is one of the few things I know I can do well and advertise to a potential employer... if they somehow find this blog and not go crazy from my insanity.
So yeah, this is a short update I wanted to pump out. Something new will come, I can promise you that for sure. I've been typing away all night in-between reluctant bursts of studying for the last few days and had a six hour long trip in my deep searching for some book I had the crazy idea of buying out of the blue.
...
Hey, hold on.
...Wait a damned minute is that...?
O_______o
WHELP, NOW THAT'S NOT REALLY DAMN DISTRACTING AT ALL.
Good night. I'm done. My brain and the caffeinated soda have played one too many stupid pranks on me for today.
...
Although sometimes I hate how oblivious and slow my brain can be. Stupid tall dark-haired men and their deep voices and sexy accents confusing and flustering my asexual ovaries... >.<
Several posts have been staring at me for the past few months (i.e. Mass Effect 3 review), but I can't seem to get them anywhere. Instead, I'll be productive by talking about a few things that have been eating at my brain for a long time.
This semester has me focusing extensively on Japan: two history courses, a few mentions in other social science classes, and my attempting to teach myself 日本語 in my free time. So far I'm doing fine and I'm enjoying what I'm learning, and if it weren't for 汉语, I'd be more lost on Kanji than if I started from scratch. That said, having learned jack and shit about Asia as a continent of diverse cultures and countries has set me back tremendously. I'm still ridiculously ignorant about the Asian political scene, thanks in part to my being American and having been drowned in European ideologies and thought. Making any kind of comparison or acknowledging similarities between an Asian country and a Western country sometimes feels like it'll come across as childish at best and offensive at worst. Add the fact the United States downplays any kind of relationships and issues we have had with Japan at any point and time and I feel like I'm staring at a mountain too steep and dangerous to climb.
"But, Fangirl," you'd ask, "what's the big deal? Clearly you're putting more effort into this than some Americans, so why complain?" Well, setting aside the existential angst I'm continuing to suffer thanks to inconsistent and fragmented data on job prospects for college kids in the US, I overthink everything.
... This was an unproductive summer. Not school-wise at least. My research is still chugging along, despite a few snags here and there from the internet community and myself. The usual ups and downs of life always happen. I'm still being vague about my MegaTen research project because I need to be 100% sure I will release/publish the information. If I'm ever going into research someday beyond college, I need to understand the ins-and-outs before diving head-first into an empty swimming pool. But I can assure the two or three people who know and are curious about it that it is still being worked on.
Fun fact: I am one of the seemingly few people who
hates and does not rely on coffee to live.
Life has a wonderful way of throwing a billion priorities at you, and you're left confused in the middle of a deep valley surrounded by mountains. Yes, due to fulfilling college group requirements, attending a few daunting classes, planning for summer, analyzing my research, and prepping for possible conferences, I ignored Rants From a Fangirl for a few months. Honestly, I've been feeling more tired than usual. Before Spring Break, I was so mentally fatigued that I often slept in for twelve hours on weekends and took naps in the middle of the week, only to wake up more unhappy and frustrated with myself.
I have been feeling better lately though. Several internship opportunities I signed up for have all turned me down, but I've taken the rejection a lot easier than I had earlier this semester. I'm still at a point in my MegaTen research that I can't openly say how things are going, but I'm still working on it for school. (Just the other day, in fact, I stayed up until 2am working on it.) If I can't get anything else right, I hope my project works out well enough for my undergraduate record to look promising.
I know that this blog is supposed to not focus on my personal life, so I'll now talk about all the nerdy shit I've been up to when I should have been writing for my blog!
I didn't manage to make any progress on anything during winter break, but sometimes taking time to sit back and do nothing can be therapeutic. At least I made a few expectations for myself before I stayed off most parts of the net for days. This blog isn't "professional" in the strictest or even loosest terms, but I still should get things done in a timely manner so the blog doesn't die without warning.
Papers, papers, papers, binders, papers, papers, all-nighters, papers, presentations, journals, binders, powerpoints, carpal tunnel in both wrists, dead iPod every other day, papers, essays and more papers and papers. I hardly slipped online to edit posts because of all the last-minute semester scrambling, stressing, and hair-pulling. Analyzing my research data is time-consuming; it's not easy going through over 700 responses, especially the ones who stuck around for my survey and filled in the open-ended questions. I'll be needing a ton of caffeine-loaded soda to get all my stuff done. But the light from my laptop is starting to strain my eyes, and sitting is making my bum sore.
In other news, I'll be relaxing for Thanksgiving and play some Persona 4 Ultimax. I'm convinced Persona Q won't arrive until next week, much to my profound chagrin. Apparently my preorder will fall on my doorstep this week, so I'll cry if that doesn't happen. When I'm sick of MegaTen-related stuff (which might not happen b/c Ultimax and hopefullyQ), I might play around with Mass Effect 3 to take some more last-second notes I may have forgotten about. Any other game I play will be a luxury.
Once winter break happens, I'll try to pump out a few posts to wrap up the year. I haven't done a music-related post in a while...
Eh... why the hell not? I haven't had the chance to talk about them anyway. Might have to pick up This Is War too for more context...
Anywho, everyone have a good week. Enjoy whatever you do to relax and be happy for a few days. If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, I still wish you a healthy sanity. We all need it to function, y'know.
And may the people of Ferguson have peace. They need all the positive energy they can get so these tragedies are finally taken seriously and stopped for good.
Seriously, this is getting beyond obscene and lands dead in the territory of inexcusable. Whether you have a badge or not, whether you're an adult or kid, stop shooting everyone, America. You're making our whole country, even the sensible and responsible gun owners and collectors, look like incompetent trigger-happy vigilantes belonging perfectly in the twisted, despicable worlds of The Walking Dead or The Last of Us. PLEASE STOP SOLVING CONFUSING CONFRONTATIONS WITH PUTTING A BULLET IN SOMEONE. There is ALWAYS a third option. ALWAYS.
Maybe a cat will help, even if he/she isn't my own.
This is probably the most stressful semester I have ever had. Welcome to the adult world, Fangirl. It's only going to get busier and more hectic and more insane. Such is the beauty of life.
Anywho, hello and hiya, readers! If I somehow do not have carpal tunnel or a hunched back by the time I'm 30, it'll be a miracle. It'd be oddly amusing to finally relate to the hero of my favorite Disney movie ever, but I prefer not getting assaulted by a sea of flying tomatoes. Not until I get it on Blu-ray and set it next to my copies of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Hobbit, season 6 of House, Sucker Punch, and Daybreakers. One must be picky when investing in Blu-ray, y'know. That stuff is still pretty expensive for a college student. Plus, I gotta make my Playstation 3 live as long as my baby Gamecube.
Seriously though, I'm alright. Doing what I can, from digressive rants to snarky comments, to maintain sanity and stress so my brain doesn't implode. Midterms, paperwork, scheduling, meetings, fundraising, mentoring, and studying. And occasionally tweeting.
But to be in the spirit of the month, I guess I should mention that I watched people playing P.T. the other day. I'm still not getting a PS4 for a LONG time. But that Silent Hills playable trailer was really damn creepy, disturbing, and messed up (i.e. "I said look behind you!").
Thankfully the first two weeks of classes ended unceremoniously. The workload is gonna be heavy though because I picked up a research methods class. Hopefully that skill will help me get a job somewhere. But then again, no one seems to know what will guarantee you getting a job anymore, which is disheartening.
That's pretty much me atm.
The incident from the end of the summer is in the past. Simply put, it made me realize how much I underestimate my talent in critical observation of others. It's good that I don't trust some people very easily, and it's something I got to stick with.
In lighter news, I haven't changed all that much. My blog has been leaning heavily towards video games for two years now, and I'm sure I have scared people off. There may be some of you who stick around since I ramble a lot about nerdy stuff. I talk about stuff that makes me happy at this point in my life and I hope some people can at least get a laugh or two at my being opinionated. So MegaTen might still be on my blog for a while, at least until I run into something else I want to talk about. Fangirl will still be a fangirl.
Meanwhile, my rooming arrangement is different this year and I got more posters and crap laying around. And, 对不起, crappy image quality is crappy. :P
I managed to plow through the majority of the show this summer. Sadly I stopped on the episode of all episodes, codenamed "The Purple Wedding", and I was never happier in my life. (Minus the HIM concert four years ago. So I lied.) Of course I will go back into the show and finish season three, since I'm hooked. Not as much as my mom though, who devoured the books and the episodes VERY quickly and is still detoxing. Season four can't come soon enough for her.
I did not buy A Link Between Worlds, but I have played a demo. Once I get money again, it might be in my library collection. Supposedly it's good, but my rant on Nintendo from a while back still weighs heavily on my mind.
But How to Train Your Dragon 2? I started to have faith in children's films again when the first film came out. Now it's really damn strong thanks to this. Damn it, if I ever have children, boys or girls, I'll show them these movies along with The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
So many hedgehogs... I got the two in the middle for a really cheap price on sale around Christmas. They were lonely and I couldn't help but take them home. Then I realized I had two scarves I never use much, slipped them on the duo and named them Pollux and Castor. Heh, heh, heh. To make it better, Pollux's left ear sits funny as does Castor's right ear. Heh, heh.
Ok, I'm done. Don't smack me. XD
What kind of young adult would I be without a messy desk? Moonlight, Soul Hackers, The Sims 3, HIM, my PS Vita, and a Zelda lanyard. Sometimes I question how feminine I am.
And I already posted this on Twitter a while back, but I took a pic of my copy of Quantum Devil Saga. Yes, I do exist in the real world.
Funnily enough, I'm taking a general history class on Asian Civilizations pre-1500 CE and we briefly touched on Hinduism. Let's say that a billion lightbulbs flashed in my mind as I was hearing so many terms that I recognize from playing Digital Devil Saga and just MegaTen in general (like atma, samsara, soma, etc). It's a beautiful feeling to know how video games can still enrich one's life beyond simple entertainmant.
Anyway, I'm back to studying, writing, and stuff. My fanfic is about 75% done at this point, but I might have to do another draft to organize stuff better. Thank god I'm not an author, because I think I understand a little bit why George R.R. Martin takes forever on A Song of Ice and Fire.
Unlike past times when I've been inactive due to laziness, I've been... upset lately. To put it simply, I made a mistake that I had to experience sometime in my life as "practice" for similar, more serious cases in the future. "Practice" is the wrong word in a way, but that's how I'm viewing this. It's a lesson I'm learning so I might not make the same mistake again, especially if I'm in another country or am stuck with people speaking another language other than my own.
It's still too soon to say whether or not this issue has been resolved. I'm still uncomfortable about it. And I'm replaying a ton of Mass Effect just to make me smile and laugh. And my friends on Skype have been supportive emotionally with advice or a long night of chatting.
Speaking of which...
A few more light-hearted reason why I've been busy. I'm getting the word out about the contest to win a free signed copy of Quantum Devil Saga on DDS-Net on Twitter so there are more submissions. And a few friends and I have hung out together as Rasen streams Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne. It has it's own wiki entry. And it's on TV Tropes. Just... wow. O_o
If anyone is interested in hearing me, Fangirl aka Mel, and my lovely voice, here are links to the longer parts (if you have no life whatsoever). And some videos.
Once the semester ended, I nose-dived into playing games I promised myself for ages I would beat. Eight Megami Tensei games and several others have demanded me to complete them, and I had to light a fire under my bum to get them done. I could list all the games that have been demanding my attention, but I'll be here all day.
But let me announce that I beat the most infamous and insidious wake-up call boss in the history of gaming ever in my first try.
Not on my grave, buddy!
I won't be fully cured from my status of being "that one delusional Shinji fangirl and 10/4 denier who plays video games on EASY MODO", but some were still impressed. Kind of. The battle took over thirty minutes of poor me weeping, screaming, and shaking in utter terror. The feelings that consumed me afterwards were the very similar to when I went to my favorite band's concert four years ago. My throat was sore for twelve hours.
Ignoring the fact I'm scaring readers, I did not have the best preparations for the fight. My level was fine; I had the right bare minimum skills. Yet my party wasn't that great. High Pixie had the weakest healing spell and consumed all the Medicine and Chakra Drops I earned through hard work and grinding. Hua Po is my new best friend thanks to boosting my party's defense. And Jack Frost... kept missing every single punch I ordered him to serve. My demons could have been better.
Anywho.
Yeah. My backlog is kinda big...
Playing console games is now a higher priority until I go back to school in the fall. Pretty much all my handheld games are on hold or on the back burner. It's kinda a shame, especially when I am almost done Gravity Rush and Etrian Odyssey Untold. Add in me being halfway done Corpse Party and Persona 2: Innocent Sin, being early in Persona 1 and Strange Journey, and not even starting Shin Megami Tensei 1 and Persona 2: Eternal Punishment... I am very busy, and my wish list keeps growing (Persona Q is coming in a few months and Devil Survivor 2: Break Record might still be a thing). Console games are just as bad (Persona 4 Arena, Catherine, Valkyria Chronicles, Saints Row IV, and Sonic Generations expect me to pour more hours in sometime soon before I die).
And I have a life outside of video games I have to remind myself of. Having a time turner would be nice to amend this problem.
The good news is that my chronic apathy/disenchantment for anime has not plagued my enjoyment of video games much. The last thing that made me rage at levels rivaling Madoka Magicka was Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc. While Madoka Magicka had good intentions and ideas that fell flat on its face due to the ludicrous stupidity of every character except Madoka, Danganronpa embodied lots of issues I have about anime and video games. Then drew dicks on itself with sharpies, set itself on fire, leapt off the top of the Empire State building, and landed in a pool of liquefied lizard intestines.
I don't give a damn if this is a spoiler.
To preserve my health and sanity, I dropped Danganronpa after Chapter 2.
Meanwhile my review of Shin Megami Tensei IV is still in the drafts. The greatest issue I'm running into is finding decent videos and images to help make the post look nice. Sadly, Nintendo and its 3DS seem to like making life a bit difficult for some people. Either the company adopted a hobby in swinging ban hammers, capturing images and video are even harder than for the PSVita, or both. There's not much diversity in what kinds of images are shown for SMT4. Most videos tend to be of boss fights or let's plays (with annoying commentary). Sadly, I can barely back up some of my statements without the risk of spoiling certain places, times, and characters. I will do my best with the few resources laying around.
Furthermore I have taken the extra time to word two sections in Part 2 carefully. Playing other Megami Tensei games have helped me with one topic. The other may have more traces of ignorance sprinkled in. I've chatted with some other fans to double-confirm my knowledge. And finding the pictures and videos will be... fun.
I just wanted you guys to know what I've been up to. It's been kinda quiet because of my focusing on other things. If any drama started anywhere, I may be aware of it. If so, I don't wish to get involved. Adding fuel to the fire is unnecessary and one more voice will just drown out intelligent, clear conversation. This is the internet; this has never been a safe haven for composed, respectful debates.
Besides I have more productive things to do... like overcome my seventh plague of writer's block on my fan fiction. It's longer than four or five Harry Potter books. Superior being(s) help us all.
Now, back to Nocturne. 20 hours down, 50 to 60 left to go at this rate. I'm really enjoying it so far. It's a nice break from other games I played lately that left me unhappy, stressed, or inconsolably depressed.
So I am back to working on my drafts without fear of my battery dropping 25% charge per hour. No more toying with the charger either - which also happened to decide to die on me. Fangirl was pretty desperate these past two weeks. Somehow I managed staying online when I could for the short-term things.
But now I'm back and I'll finish up my Shin Megami Tensei IV review. Look forward to it!
What?
"Did you hear about the Persona 4 Golden anime that was announced today?"
