"I love this band." "They have never made a bad song." "This is the greatest band ever!" "They are gods."
For most of my music-loving life, I never understood what people meant when they would say these things. I believed that there was no such thing as the "perfect band" that has no songs to dislike. Every band I listened to, even my old favorite band Evanescence, had many lovable, some decent, and few downright lousy tracks. Just about every album I ever listened to would have songs that I'd skip just about every time. I didn't deny that the fans that said such strong statements about bands were lying, but I had no way to believe that it was possible to say that about something. There has to be things that you don't like about something. Everything has, and nothing can be perfectly pure and exemplary.
I have been a doubter, but I don't deny anything if it makes sense. And what I once believed about the "perfect band" was shattered.
It felt as if it was yesterday when I went on Pandora, played one of my newer stations, found one song that made my mouth drop, looked up other songs by the same band, and fell in love with everything I heard. But when I think of it now, I realize that it was exactly a year and a half ago as of today, August 14 2010. On a day that I least expected something to affect my life, I became a passionate HIM fan on Valentine's Day. It's especially cliche since the majority [if not all] of their songs are about love. It still baffles me sometimes.
My journey in discovering my music taste is a long and detailed one, so excuse me if I stray off topic. And the story changes because it is still ongoing. If I wrote about what I liked five years ago, the me of then would have never thought I would abandon pop music for hard rock and heavy metal. The me of then would never believe I "fell in love" with a band and their music. Honestly, I don't think I ever saw it coming. But now to stop my rambling and actually tell of the beginning...
By 2008, I have given up on pop music and I was enjoying mostly alternative/hard rock (Evanescence and The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) and some gothic metal (Lacuna Coil and Within Temptation). It was a bit of an intermission in my exploring music because I enjoyed what I had found through extensive research; I didn't have Pandora at the time, so the process of finding bands was much slower. But I was satisfied with my music library, though small, and I was ready to enter high school with an old friendship that was weakening.
If there was a way that wasn't awkward, I would love to thank one girl in my school. I first saw her wearing an AFI tee at a school picnic for us freshman to get to know each other before our first day. But because my social skills are much to be desired, I stayed with my old best friend and met a few other girls. Ultimately, that girl was in my homeroom, but we never sat near each other or exchanged a word. It was either late September or early October when one day I was at my locker to get my books; while there, I saw her talk with some of her friends. But I noticed that she carried a bag with a strange pentagram-heart symbol and one word, HIM. Seeing how strange it was, I couldn't stop looking, not always directly, but mostly from the corner of my eye. I couldn't grasp my head around the symbol. Was it a satanic statement that a random heavy metal band used to stir something? (I was attending a very conservative catholic school, so that didn't help much.)
The next thing I knew, that symbol and that word, HIM, planted something more powerful than a seed in my brain. I became succumbed by this virus that existed EVERYWHERE on the internet. I was tortured for months with seeing them on Wikipedia; a symbols website I visited for a school assignment; and Pandora. I only mention Wikipedia because I use that site to get basic ideas about a particular band; however, I do know it can be full of lies. One day I saw HIM under the controversy section of a gothic metal article, and I looked them up for the heck of it and realized they're Finnish and that their symbol was the Heartagram. At least I got the symbol fact straight. ^.^'
As I said earlier, Pandora ultimately finished the job. I joined back in December of 2008 just to give it a try, but now... well, it's my "semi"-free largest music library. I didn't have many friends by January, but one in particular had HIM [actually H.I.M. (Finland) to be exact] bookmarked and I finally had the guts to say the words I refused to say until then.
"So, you like H.I.M. (Finland), huh? What are they like? They good?"
My friend responded: "You would love them."
He sent me a link to give a 30 second listen to "Heartache Every Moment." I wasn't too impressed from the short teaser so I shrugged and went on with my life... only to run into even MORE HIM plastered on the internet!
Finally, on February 12, 2009, I made a HIM station to maybe to give that criminal virus some satisfaction. I listened to it about an hour every day to keep my mind open, and nothing really hit me. There were a few good songs, but I still had no opinion of the band. And I felt sane and unbothered... for two days. I was home alone that Saturday and I had time for some music. So, my HIM station was playing and I wasn't expecting anything to happen. Then, "And Love Said No" played; the chorus captured me instantly and my interest was held until the very end. Excited, I logged off Pandora and went on Youtube. I watched about three music videos, one was kinda boring, the second was impressive, and the third, "The Sacrament," was cupid's arrow piercing my heart.
The rest of the weekend cannot be easily recalled, but I know I was excited and anxious to buy a HIM album. After constantly begging my dad to drive me to FYE, I bought HIM's greatest hits album.
Ever since, I spent most of my free time researching the band, watching music videos and interviews, listen to them on pandora, buying CDs, and sharing my discoveries with my dad. He's the only music addict I could talk to without him criticizing my tastes, and I'm glad he was there for me. As for my old friend, she bluntly said to my face that they sucked. Thank God we never talked about music again because she had to disagree with everything I would say. But the friends I have now don't mind what my music taste is, and I am thankful for that.
Other than that girl with the AFI tee, I do not know who else in my school likes HIM. My one friend's ex-boyfriend recognized the HIM shirt I wore at a school show, but that's about it. When you enjoy something so much, you are bound to possibly be the only one who feels that way. As of now, I feel alone and sad sometimes, but I don't regret it. I continue to be me, and if I am in the mood to show off my Fangirlism for my favorite band, I will do so. No one can take my bags, posters, shirts, scarfs, gloves, bracelets, CDs, sweatshirts, locker pictures, Facebook flair, 400+ computer images, etc. without a fight. You can't spell 'Fangirl' without 'Fang' you know. ;)
I now understand the quotes I put at the beginning of this entry. Although the boys have many human flaws and HIM's music is far from perfection, I don't think I want them to be any other way. Let the Fangirl in me go wild. XD
Heartagram hugs, razorblade kisses, and bleed well, dear readers! Farewell and näkemiin (at least I think that's right! ^^')!!
PS - my next objective: learn Finnish and visit the band's Holy City of Helsinki, dammit! XD