'Free!', Male Beauty, and Fanservice

OH, GOD DAMN IT, 2017, STOP KICKING ME IN MY OVERLY ANALYTICAL AND CYNICAL ASS WITH STUPID SHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO HATE! THESE STRANGE FEELS BURNING IN MY HEART HURT LIKE A MOTHERFU--

*clears throat*

Well, that was very undignified of me. My apologies.

Despite the obnoxious recent track record of consuming media that has pushed me beyond the comfort zone I maintained for much of my life, I don't feel particularly conflicted or violated in any psychological manner in regards to Free!. Thank whatever deity or deities that do or do not exist for that reprieve.

Over the course of a week  last month, I have marathoned Free! with its two seasons, handful of OVAs, and prequel film. After trying to have no expectations for the series' quality, I found myself really enjoying Free!. And felt feels. Felt enough feels that I laughed. And cried. Good to know that I'm still a woman.

That's the short story. The long story requires me to go back to 2012, when a little known Hollywood film caused a bit of controversy in some circles thanks to some good old double standards regarding good old fanservice.

I remember the shock and outrage over the idea of Hollywood making a film that objectifies men for straight women and gay men. You know, the two of many demographics that do not exist, have never existed, and must never be catered to because they have no money... AND do not exist. Well, that's according to corporate entertainment executives with charts and algorithms trying to milk as much money out of the movie-viewing public as possible while treating their findings as a 100% objective, foolproof, factual science. (The anime and gaming industries are not immune from this virus that has ravaged Hollywood.) Though more than anything, I'm certain the "outrage" came more from obnoxious loudmouths online and the occasional harebrained entertainment journalist who wanted to spice up a slow news day. No matter the size or intensity of it, the talk surrounding Magic Mike only made me interested in seeing it if only for academic reasons. I finally realized, "If we live in an egalitarian society, why do straight men have an entire accepted market for drooling and masturbating over hot women but straight women barely get a single film about hot men?"

Needless to say, the more people complained, the more I wanted to see it, if only for the sheer principle of wanting to support more shameless, dumb fanservice movies for women. (Maybe one day there will be an entire genre of it, with plenty of variety so that MAYBE I can finally have a fanservicy film that caters to me and my tastes, but I digress.) So I did during my first semester of college with a bunch of friends in my dorm.

It was fun and nowhere near as "industry destroying" as some were implying in their sheer outrage over a goddamned movie. It also wasn't a good movie either, and that's not the point at all. I walked in my campus' lounge expecting a plotless but stylishly flashy movie in which you can turn off your brain, and Magic Mike succeeded in this regard. I had hoped that whatever the dudes in the movie did, they wouldn't gross me out, which they didn't. (There goes my theory of my being sex-repulsed...) It's a dumb, stupid movie that goes on for too long, and I can appreciate why - if only in theory - straight women and guy men would cheer and whistle from beginning to end.

Sometimes I wonder if I should consider Magic Mike to be a "guilty pleasure", given its subject of male strippers completely overshadowing everything else. Good thing too, as the plot and characters, let alone its obnoxious two-hour running time, are forgettably trite. Even worse, despite Matthew McConaughey being the only actor I can stomach in the movie, he fails to stand out among a sea of homogenous bleach-blond, orange-tanned, muscle-bound blobs of beef jerky hosted by the "sexy" Channing Tatum. None of the gentlemen in Magic Mike tickle my fancy, but given my semi-decent list of real life, fictional, and non-human crushes over the years, I was never shocked that I walked into the wrong shop to sample ice cream with none of my flavor preferences. Twenty years of a tendency to prefer sensitive artists to boisterous athletes further pushes me towards lanky, creative, and dorky men over big, rough, and competitive men.

That said, Magic Mike marked the first step in me having more respect for the aesthetic beauty of the male body.

Over the past few years, I have begun to notice a nearly instinctive dismissal, belittling, or mocking of the male body in some cultures, particularly in my native American culture. I could not understand why straight females could find males physically attractive when a good portion of members of society insist only female beauty exists.

Yes, there are mathematical formulas and theories devised to explain the psychological and biological reasons why female human bodies are considered aesthetically beautiful. Yes, I am aware of the diverse, contradictory, and deeply-rooted connotations regarding words in the English language to describe how attractive a person is depending on their biological sex and socially defined gender. Yes, I am well aware of the biological, sociological, psychological, and even the bullshit theories of sexual selection in homo sapiens. Yes, I cannot deny that I do find some parts of the male body look weird, especially the penis. That said, our species has lasted long enough that enough people have overlooked the "weirdness", "strangeness", or the "ugliness" of male bodies to have sex in a variety of positions and in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons. And to insist there is no artistic beauty in the male body is absurd, given the hundreds of thousands of art depicting the male form in hundreds of cultures across the globe. In other words, I do not believe that "all men", or 100% of men and males, are fundamentally hideous, soulless, amoral demons - externally and internally.

Relax, Jon. 75% of the nudity in your show is of the female variety.

Since my mind could not accept the implication that if I were to seek a loving, committed, physical relationship with a man, I would have to "put up with" his "disgusting" body, I did the best I could for a time to just not think of this topic. Also, statements about how the only sex men and women could have "without violence" involves a flaccid penis make me wonder what levels of cynicism and pessimism have those awful people fallen to so I never, EVER go that far. (1) For better or worse, my attempt to not think about this topic did not last long.

This obsession with demonizing men without considering the psychological and sociological consequences might be a reason why I have thoroughly detested LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It" since the very fist time I heard it back in 2011 when Todd in the Shadows' review tore it to shreds. The music video, which still gives me nausea-inducing nightmares, does not help at all. (Maybe I am sex-repulsed?) And now that I have seen Magic Mike, Ouran High School Host Club, Yuri!!! on Ice, Free!, and other stories with men objectified for the pleasure of straight women and gay men, I hate that infernal Mount Everest of dog shit even more.

I think back then I reached a point in which I became so tired of tasteless, senseless, lazy, boring, and unclever jokes at the expense of the general body shape of approximately 50% of the human population. It also doesn't help that I do not find enjoyment in humor that disgusts the audience. I get that penises look unlike most things in nature and the sight of one can make one squeamish, but I cannot overcome the discomfort in seeing something I'm not normally exposed to thanks to my being born with a vagina when some jackass swings it or its likeness haphazardly in my face with or without my consent. And no, satire is neither a bulletproof defense nor a convincing counterargument to make me change my revulsion at jokes at the expense of biological males with the icky dicks, let alone men who are not "conventionally attractive".

Satire works when dissecting a commonly accepted concept, forcing it through the lense of realistic logic, and observe where the concept cracks and breaks under pressure. It backfires when it legitimizes and strengthens the concept it was trying to destroy. Dismantling the joke about "ugly guys thinking they're sexy is funny" does not work when displaying ugly men dancing and swing their penises to awful, unsexy music without an inclining of understanding why anyone could find it gross.

Anywho. Bless Magic Mike. Sure, it plays the "hot sexy men" angle completely straight (heh), but it knows that's exactly it wants to do and sticks to its guns. My sexual inclinations and preferences do not significantly influence my judgment one way or another.

While the vast majority of human beings do not register on my "Would Totally Bang Like a Screen Door in a Storm" radar on superficial impressions alone, the odds are slightly better when I see a person doing something that makes them happy and true to themselves. Be it a singer pouring every bit of themselves into a song that speaks to them, an athlete competing and performing great feats in a sport they love, an intellectual engaging in debates and discussions about the questions in life they tirelessly seek answers to, or an average soul dropping everything to be with family, friends, or strangers that mean the world to them... all of these individuals and many others could catch my interest. Moments that display the brilliance of the soul move me more than the most physically perfect body.

Magic Mike would have been 10000% better
if Chris Hemsworth replaced Channing Tatum.

I did not care about a single character in Magic Mike, but I found myself reconsidering why anyone would find male strippers sexy, let alone men who'd even consider performing such objectifying acts in the first place. Even if I could not find any of the men attractive, I considered how much effort would be needed to not just perform routines that titilate the audience but maintain a look that allows a stripper to pull of any trick without losing sex appeal. If some women complain about how much time is needed to look attractive to whomever they want to allure - even in everyday activities - I don't doubt men do similar rituals of maintaining an air of allure. Somehow this movie made me forget that actors were playing out everything on the screen, and when I was aware, I still recognized the time, effort, and stress everyone went through to make the stupid strip teases to be even remotely interesting.

Twelve-year-old me would disown eighteen-year-old me for waxing philosophical and pondering the aspects of male beauty on a movie about goddamned stripping. Then I'd tell my younger selves to calm down because the guys in Magic Mike are straighter than a line. If there's anything remotely "gay" about this movie, it's because men sexually attracted to men are happy looking at sexually attractive men or sexually insecure males are projecting their fears onto the screen.

I know of the sequel, but I did not feel compelled to watch it. One Magic Mike was enough for me, and I seek other pastures in the same rural region. If anything, I wanted other different films that deliver more interesting man service, but Hollywood continues to be Hollywood. Oh well. At least anime has a much better track record in catering to me, especially with the success of Free!, so I'm not too heartbroken. (2)

Shut up, chill, and embrace the zipper panties. *groans*

In recent years I have reached a point where I have grown more lenient towards fanservice in general. (I bought Sucker Punch on Blu-ray after seeing it in an empty theatre with my dad on April Fool's Day for fuck's sake.) So long as a broad variety of beautiful and sexy women serve as wank material for straight men and gay women, I encourage the same for straight women and gay men. Have some extravagant photoshoots, literary smut, nuanced character studies, shallow billboards, audio porn, and whatever else gets your pants wet within reason (i.e. don't force it on those unwilling, legal age and consent laws are followed so people don't get hurt, etc). I don't have to like every single preference under the sun, but as I try to value equality and egalitarianism, who am I to demand endless male objectification and the total obliteration of the female brand? Hell, even some of the most damning cases of fanservice bait are still characters I genuinely like and find compelling to varying degrees (Quiet, Hinako, Lucy, Lisa Cuddy, Mitsuru Kirijo, Titania, etc.). Calling out bad fanservice is understandable for many reasons, but defining a character's worth solely on their fanservice traits and quirks despite evidence to the contrary undermines the progress made in addressing badly written and created characters in the first place. Such is the price we pay for living in a time where many people get emotional and angry over the slightest comment or disagreement. (3)

Had I not tried to come to terms with some of these ideas sooner, I would have never watched Free!. To be honest, I only watched it because if I could survive the gay figure skating anime, then the gay swimming anime would be a walk in the park. Hell, if I did that and could survive one of the dumbest fetish scenes in anime history by laughing my ass off, I can handle Free!. And by so doing, I underestimated how much of a shit I would give... again. I'm complaining, but I will take a year of getting beaten up and served humble pie by fiction over a year of beloved cultural and societal icons fleeing the mortal plane en mass while the dumb and corrupt seize power.

Of course there are other assumptions and beliefs I have that need to be challenged further thanks to everything I have said up until this point. One that goes hand in hand with male beauty and manservice is homoerotic subtext.

"Aww! Look how gay they are!" said a 17th century writer, a fujoshi,
a homophobe, and a dude bro in unison.

I dislike how broad and limiting the concept of "love" is in English, especially in regards to relationships between people. There are elements of affection, romance, and sex that sometimes get so tangled up based on how anyone defines the word that arguments brew over textbook definitions, misunderstandings, and stubbornness. Most days I use the four loves C.S. Lewis borrowed from the Greeks - storge, agape, philia, and eros - to help me understand some of the complicated feelings people experience in the many relationships they have throughout their lives.  It keeps me sane, although it also means I am a total buzzkill when it comes to conversations around shipping and gay subtext. On the other hand, this approach of mine has made me completely endorse some ships. Thus I consider this approach to be an effective double-edged sword.

Returning to the topic of double standards, I am also troubled by the assumption that a man who has a deep or emotional connection with another man must be gay by default (b/c "bisexuals don't exist" and "men must suppress their emotions at all times" amirite?). Because of that, a decent portion of "gay subtext" can easily be erased when the scenario is gender-swapped or shown between people of the opposite sex. Although subtext is closer in meaning to implication than scientific fact, I wonder why some people go to such extremes to justify an idea that holds less water than a pasta strainer.

Everyone is entitled to their kinks. Superior being(s) know(s) I have my own. But just as some people dislike the idea of the government or society dictating how two legal adults mutually want to play and talk dirty in their own bedroom, some people do not like loud broadcasts of such activities in public company. In this context, fanfics and fan theories are reasonably fine, but extending those ideas to original content creators and forcing them to cave into the demands of the entitled and bullying public is ethically problematic and unprincipled.

Free! serves as a decent example of this. I did not agree with a vast majority of the examples of gay subtext on the TV Tropes ho yay page, and it wasn't from me refusing to wear shipping goggles. One of the most disappointing examples was that in the prequel film someone "confessed their love" to another character, blushing and all. So I saw that scene as I was watching the film, and... well...

I don't see it.

"I love you and swimming" can be interpreted in a dozen different ways, and I happened to interpret it as Makoto telling Haruka that their friendship and swimming are the most important things in his life, and he doesn't want that to ever change. I did not detect a smidgen of romantic or sexual undertones, partially because THEY ARE KIDS WHO BARELY START PUBERTY.

My Japanese still needs a lot of work, but "大好き" can be used when describing that you really, really like a person... or food, a game, a sport, a car, a cat, etc. It can be used to confess to someone since "愛してる" is far more dramatic and extreme (like, last words on your deathbed dramatic), but it's not the only usage, much like "love" in English. There are additional culture notes, such as being indirect about one's feelings in polite and intimate company and that "actions speak louder than words" are valued highly in Japan, which further complicates the process of translating and understanding human interactions in all circumstances.

Within the context of that scene in Free! Starting Days, not only did the "confessor" say "I love you and swimming" but the "blushing" between the "confessor" and "confessee" was the most pathetic and wimpiest shade of not-red I have ever seen in animation, period. And this anime was made by Kyoto Animation, the gods of emotional fanservice pandering with their colorful moe blobs of diabetes and the orgasmically gorgeous way they animate water (4). While some could interpret that moment as some kind of romantic love confession, I and others could just as readily interpret this as an expression of platonic love or agape. Love does not always equate to romance and sex in English, and as far as I see, a similar thing can be said about how the Japanese language describes and categorizes different kinds of love.

Honestly, there are times Makoto is a parent scolding
his son Haruka.

And yes, I know Makoto and Haruka live together as they attend college. They've been inseparable friends who have looked out for each other for so long that I'm not shocked that happened. While I admit that I am more willing to be proven wrong about Makoto and Haruka's relationship if KyoAni were to just out them as being in love with each other compared to other ships in this fandom, I'm more concerned about them being unaware of how codependent their friendship might be. (Both codependency and dependency are known to happen in any kind of relationship, so that's not an automatic qualifier of "they have romantic/sexual love for each other" either.)

Then again, I have seen a man whisper "Who wouldn't feel great after watching you?" in another man's ear with a look on his face that screams how he's ready to fuck the guy then and there in front of thousands of people. So maybe I'm speaking as someone entering a room-temperature pool after skinny dipping in the Arctic Ocean.

Anywho, all of this is here to show how much time I spend thinking about a bunch of different topics when I could be using that time for something more productive. But at the least, such overthinking and overanalyzing have forced me to learn to just take more things in stride. I still get into arguments with myself over how much I should like something because I'm just cursed with a sentimental heart and a hyper-analytical brain competing for dominance, but at least I get to learn from being wrong.

With all of that said, what are my actual thoughts on Free! Iwatobi Swim Club?

Professor Otaku from Anime Dissection put it best: It's a sports show framed as a fanservice show. It's the female-catered equivalent of the dozens of moe slice of life anime school girl hijinks in which the most nuanced conversations among fans are centered on who is best waifu. I find it refreshing, and I was pleased I found some moments in Free! to be kinda hot despite swimmer bodies being not my thing at all (smaller framed guys like Nitori and Nagisa helped in this regard, so I applaud the variety in manservice). And there are some moments I got a bunch of kicks from, especially when the guys are trying on a bunch of swimsuits for such a long time that their club manager, who initially was close to getting a nosebleed at the front-row viewing of their bodies, slowly goes insane from boredom. I am sure some guys who have not dropped the show at that point probably rejoiced at the one instance a girl becomes aggravated at the indecisiveness of another's shopping spree.

I liked most of the characters, and the dub was extremely enjoyable. Makoto is the first Johnny Young Bosch performance I absolutely love, and due to him being a tall, kindhearted teddy bear Makoto became my favorite character pretty fast. Some people were furious about Vic Mignogna being in it because of his religious beliefs, but it doesn't change the fact that he delivers exceptionally well when it really matters as Rin. Greg Ayers' whiny voice often bugs me, but like how he voiced Ganta in Deadman Wonderland not once did he piss me off as Nagisa. I got more Tales of Xillia 2 and Kamisama Hajimemashita flashbacks thanks to J Michael Tatum and Josh Grelle, and I let out the third loudest squee my small body ever mustered when Momotarou uttered his first line in season two (5).

Dear gay and bi men, if I ever fetishize you like a fujoshi,
please drag my ass back to reality like in 50% Off.

Even Todd Haberkorn did well despite Haruka being dull as a brick until about halfway through season two, when everyone who lacked character development in season one finally caught up with Rei and Rin in the depth department. Unfortunately, Kou and Ms Amakata really stand out as female characters who technically have a good reason within the narrative to be around and have character development, but have absolutely nothing to do but serve as the audience surrogate to react to all the sparkling, well-built upper bodies of teenage boys. Yuri!!! on Ice has that problem too, but at least the female characters who actually support the hot skaters don't take up more screentime then they actually need. On the other hand, Free! does a much better job at juggling its cast both because there are fewer people to write content for and there are twice as many episodes and three films. On the other other hand, Free! does not make me give any more of a shit about swimming than I already did, which was non-existent. On the other other other hand it doesn't have the obnoxiously schizophrenic pacing, tone, and genre problems of Yuri!!! on Ice. But on the other other other other hand - *rambles ad nauseam*

As easy as it is to compare the two for an eternity, I like Free! and Yuri!!! on Ice enough that I see no need to pit the two in a death match and determine which reigns supreme. So, no, I'm not here to join in that bullshit drama. Besides, everyone knows which has the best canon ship and is thus inherently superior. I am too grateful to either anime's existence and sheer ability to shatter my expectations to spite them. I'm probably going to watch more sports anime since the medium has a better track record in telling interesting stories around this concept than live action movies and television, let alone Western animation. And if I find the genre has far too much squishy gay subtext that teases yaoi fangirls and dehumanizes male sexuality, then I can get back to shonen series like Busou Renkin and My Hero Academia if I need my male-dominant cast to have slightly more testosterone and less exploitation.

While I won't call it my favorite anime of all time (not by a long shot), my experience with Free! was very much a net positive. This ain't Shakespeare, and nor do I want it to be. Even though this isn't like my typical reviews, I'd consider season one a 3.75/5, season two a 4.25/5, and Free! Starting Days a 3.5/5. No comment on the other two films, as they recap seasons one and two, a pointless investment since I have already watched the show. Regardless, I look forward to watching season three next summer along with whatever else I may find myself unexpectedly liking.

There are probably other genres, themes, and stories I have written off completely that are awaiting for their chance to prove me wrong. And I'm perfectly fine with that. It'll allow me to find a silver lining in things I normally dismiss, and it makes me more aware and critical of legitimately bad examples that range from personally unlikeable to morally reprehensible to objectively wrong. I can afford to be a better critic and more comfortable with my feelings at the same time.

Also, damn you, Free!, for making me get "Rage on" and "Splash Free"! The latter is especially bad because now I have Japanese seiyuu boyband trash next to One Direction's "Best Song Ever" on my iPod. TT_TT

~~~~~~~~Notes:~~~~~~~~

(1) - Oh, yes, I read that heinous NYT "opinion piece" about how "If you let boys be boys, they will murder their fathers and sleep with their mothers." like men are actually the most hysterical, uncontrollable of all of humanity. It's ironic that "male ideology doesn't matter", according to a male spreading his written ideological sewage in the fucking New York Times. I hope that guy knows that Sigmund Freud's ideas are not universally upheld and unchallenged by legitimate psychologists in legitimate scientific circles, yeah? And people claim my liberal arts degree was a waste of $100,000.

(2) - Although in hindsight, it seems anime has always done a better job at catering to a variety of demographics with a variety of genres compared to Hollywood and American animation. That's the primary reason why I still stick with anime, despite some of the terrible shows and seasons that crop up every now and then.

(3) - Believe me, I'm guilty of getting upset over small and stupid shit too. I try the best I can to not succumb to that insanity, but I am aware that apologizing and owning up to my fuckups will never be enough for some people. Just go with the flow, I guess.

(4) - I have no idea how Nintendo made the Gamecube so great at rendering water, but I wish more video games and even anime could make water look as jaw-droopingly gorgeous as Super Mario Sunshine and Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess did. Points to Free! for doing just that.

(5) - What can I say? Jerry Jewel was one of the first voice actors I easily recognized when I first got into anime and I have loved every performance he has given (even when he voiced a character I absolutely hated). He shares that honor with Laura Bailey and Yuri Lowenthal.