15 June 2013

Fangirl's Lazy Post on E3... Or Why the Xbone Is in Trouble, Part 2

The whole internet pretty much summed up my general view of what happened this week. Microsoft shot themselves in the foot, and Sony laughed their asses off. While doing so, they did the simple trick of giving the people what they want: now they have us under their spell until they rip the rug from under our feet. It'll happen, it's business, I assure you. Meanwhile Nintendo did their own thing - as usual - and presented themselves well.

Since Sony and Nintendo tend to get my money in some way, shape, or form, I'll get a Wii U and/or a PS4 once the libraries have expanded. It'll probably be when I'm done college and have a stable income.

I have already expressed my dislike for the Xbone. For those who forgot, here is the lovely console Microsoft expects the first world rich people and film directors in Hollywood to buy.

More like the Xbone.

Until they stop showing pre-rendered cutscenes of new games that serve as fun toys for guys that obsess over panty shots and boobs in anime, I see no reason to expect "ground-breaking" gameplay. The environment has interacted with video game characters since the day of video games.

"Oh, watch the fish swim away from you in Call of Duty: Ghosts!"

This is a selling point?

...Guess what? Fish move far away from Link in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time... in 1997. Piggies run from Link in Windwaker... in 2003. Monsters run away from your over-powered party in Persona 3... since 2006. Background scenery kills your characters in Super Smash Bros... since the 1990s. Pokemon trainers confront you to battle in the world... since Red and Blue.

The wind blows capes in the 3D Final Fantasy games. The Hammerhead runs over space cows in Mass Effect 2. Tall grass moves when characters walk through them in nearly every game that exists by this point.

I fail to see how impressive "watch teh fishies move!" is.

Actually... The dog is worse.

I miss Koro-chan...

... who also does not approve.

Moving on.

The used game deal of "participating retailers" is time-wasting and stupid. Why would Gamestop buy a used game, call Microsoft, ask them to delete Fable 4 from Ed's hard drive so the license can be re-bought by Joey? No retailer would want to deal with this process.

And always online. What. I don't even...

"We have a product for people who aren't able to get some form of connectivity - it's called Xbox 360."



Me. Refresh my memory of -

*slaps self*

... Thank you, me.

*sips tea*

Ah... That scar will never heal. I dunno if I should be happy that it still works... or depressed that it still does.


As much as I can appreciate - on paper - about innovating and moving towards the future... moving to the digital world completely will not happen overnight. So pushing the online checking every 24 hours is stupid and forceful. The Cloud seems such a nice idea... but the whole damn planet is not full of hole-less, excellent internet connection. And I don't have a Cloud server in my backyard. And it's not like all of this technology is FREE.

This isn't coming from a poor child in Africa. This isn't coming from a redneck in the most rural part of the United States. I'm a suburban middle class citizen... who is admittedly spoiled and sheltered in many ways. Microsoft is being too unrealistic, too bold, and too vague. And they don't have any ounce of sensitivity for this massive jumpstart into the future they proposed.

... I'm beating a dead horse. So many people have addressed the problems in more articulate and educated ways.

You know what, though? I expect someone to read this and say every general comment I made was wrong. You know why? Because there are no concrete answers to ANY of our questions. I am searching the whole damn internet and cannot find a reliable source since everything keeps changing every five seconds. And I don't trust Microsoft's "screw you, buddy" PR strategy.

I can at least appreciate that Sony is not creating elaborate processes to control the gaming experience. No "used game" or "friend-loaning" policy to tear your hair out about. Yes, the publishers ultimately decide, but Sony has not announced an underhanded slap against the used game market like Microsoft did. AND, they're not pissing off Indie developers and publishers about DRM. AND they aren't throwing intrusive gimmicks at you.

So if Sony uses some DRM policy to control game sales, that's fine. Just don't make the process long, detailed, and tedious. I shouldn't have to befriend someone for a month to lend them a game. I should let many people borrow a game I have without worrying about the software being tied to one account. Otherwise, it's limiting and inconvenient.

Simple. To the point. No strings attached. Thank you, Sony. Now, Microsoft, go back and restart your homework from scratch.

And good luck outselling a console that's $100 cheaper.

And please study Sony's history through the seventh generation with the PS3.

And fire your PR staff.

And dump the Kinect. Make it optional, like the PS Eye.

And show exclusives. NOT including HaloGears of War; any kind of military shooter (first or third-person) with caucasian, brown-haired, buzz-cut, over-buff males; Fable; anything relating to the Kinect; and sports. Call of Duty is on every other damn thing in existence so it is forbidden as well. PS: Metal Gear Solid V is not exclusive. Nice try.

And be nice to the indie developers. Or else they'll run to Sony and Nintendo.

And stop crying about the $#!+y reception.

You screwed up.

Suck it up.

If you can't grow balls, steal them from one of the meatheads from shooter #569863947636907207416365486738386128768 you revealed.

Take responcibility like the adults you should be.


Set the record straight.

Save whatever dignity you have left.


... or else this will be Xbone's launch:

Good news?

New Super Smash Bros on 3DS. Squee.

Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds. Double squee.

Blame me for drinking the Kool-Aid:

Final Fantasy Verses XIII is now Final Fantasy XV. After years of my being curious... TRIPLE SQUEE. Hoping Square Enix pisses fans off less after XIII's disaster of a "saga".


Pictures found on Google.
Videos from Youtube.


Voltech said...

Peh heh. I like how one of the tags for this is "dark weeping corner." It seems remarkably appropriate at this point.

You know what? Say what you will about Call of Duty: Ghosts, but there is no doubt in my mind -- NO DOUBT -- that the dog is going to be the best written character in the entire franchise. Mark my words: his dialogue is going to be the most natural and realistic, and he'll show the widest range of emotions ever seen on the battlefield.

It's a shame he'll probably get killed, though. Because that's how you raise the stakes: kill off a dog.

But back on the XB1 (which is the only abbreviation I can use without snickering). Yeahhhhhhh...I really don't see how Microsoft is going to pull out of this one as the good guys. Or how they're going to pull out of this one -- and let's be honest and call it a nose dive -- in the eyes of consumers. They are literally on record saying that they don't have to worry about the opinions of dedicated gamers because the uneducated masses will buy it thanks to the brand name. They blew $400 million dollars trying to get an exclusive deal with the NFL for a console that will completely screw over anyone not living in America. They have yet to show a game worth owning, let alone buying a whole system for.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again (in all caps, no less): I. DON'T. UNDERSTAND. THIS. COMPANY. ANYMORE. And until we can figure out just what the hell is going on in the bigwigs' heads, I'm about ready to throw up my hands and stop caring.

Cripes a la mode...well, at least Kingdom Hearts 3 is coming. And to a lesser extent, FF15. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have some EXTREME fears on how those'll turn out. EXTREME fears.

If KH3 turns out awful, then I'll be needing a "dark weeping corner."

Melanie~Light said...

Haha! The dog: the ensemble darkhorse of 'Call of Duty: Ghost'. He'll be an internet and video game legend, beloved and remembered fondly for his undeniable charisma and presence!!

The bright side? Koro-chan would be impressed. And jealous!


Microsoft has finally announced they're dropping the always-online and convoluted DRM tags, but the damage is long done. Sure, the ignorant masses will still throw money blindly out the window, but us gamers aren't too forgiving... most of the time. Whatever they do, they're still too big of a company to fail. It's not like the gaming market is the heart of the corporation.

...Man, I drink the Nintendo and Sony Kool-Aid too much sometimes...

As for FFvsXIII (now FFXV)... I'll genuinely cry if it fails. I was really, really, really, REALLY pumped when I first heard of it. So what if I had a hard time getting into other Final Fantasy games, I want to give it another try with this one!

But since I won't get a PS4 anytime soon, I'll have to sit back and watch the world cry tears of joy... or depression. I desperately hope AT LEAST that if the game's plot, dialogue, and characters are nonsensical... let the game be really, really fun. No headaches, no suicides.. just fun.

... ... I'm probably just naive.

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