Every year in April, the good ol' Catholic insitution I reluctantly call a "school" invites guest speakers, mostly from Generation Life, to talk about absenence. In reality they attempt to scare us into not having sex so the number of abortions in the universe magically drops. Fear = insubordination; and this is supposedly the twenty-first century. Some things never change I guess.
But off my small tangent.
A few days ago in the class that inspires so many rants (aka "Catholic" Morality), such a speaker appeared. He was a young guy with a good six years ahead of me at least, so he wasn't stubborn like an old man, reluctant to relate to the youth. So I give him credit for some of the energy he gave off in light-hearted jokes. But why waste time on describing the guy when I should blab about the issues I have with the whole chastity/abortion talk.
Abstinence/Chastity Talks Have Religious - Not Educational - Value
For one thing, actual conversations about sex do not exist in my ultra-traditional, rigidly conservative school; there is only preaching. Obey or bear dirty looks. Believe me, despite the uniforms we wear I get enough of that from my peers. But the largest problem I have with these talks is the fact that are not in any way EDUCATING US. Tell us WHY teenagers long for having sex. Tell us WHY it is so difficult to overcome feelings of lust (the whole "because we are human" excuse has never and will never cut it.) You must EDUCATE, not PREACH.
The extreme religious bias makes my stomach twist in knots far more times than when I watch Marilyn Manson's most explicit music videos. Again, all the reasons to wait for sex when you are married are for religious reasons:
- God intended it to be blessedly good (aka: "the Bible says so" or the "everything is full of sunshine and flowers" argument)
- Sex is a powerful gift of procreation and bonding (aka: the "secular society is screwing with your mind" argument)
- The hormone oxytocin permanently bonds you with your true love (aka: "the one to be with for eternity" argument)
- Those who do it outside of marriage share no commitment (aka: the "religion is right and society is wrong" argument... again)
- Sex is about family, not pleasure (fill in random argument here)
Here's a quick reaction I have to each argument (feel free to get mad at my lack of logic):
1. Sex is "good?" What defines "good?" Many might agree with you since the act brings great pleasure for every human who took part in this act. If it wasn't "good" in that sense, we'd have no human race. But if you mean morally good, it depends on the person. What about a woman who is tokophobic (fearful of childbirth?) What about someone who is taught a different philosophy about sex? Or better yet, what about you? You say sex is a wonderful thing, yet you are too embarrassed to talk about it or to allow sex education in schools. One of the many things you call sacred must be an avoided topic. Hmm... Maybe it's not THAT "good" to talk about then with the ignorant...
2. Yes, biologically speaking, sex is a reproductive act, which I cannot argue with. But then you list bonding as the second thing. BOTH are important. A family cannot be a family without bonds. Whenever Pro-lifers talk about this stuff, they jump right onto the thought of the next generation rather than the current one. "Screw the parents! Bring more babies!" might not be their intent, but sometimes it sounds like it. Regardless, I see where they are coming with this point, but it bothers me that sex is good if procreation AND bonding are the intentions. I feel bad for the couples who have bonded but want no children...
3. This argument is one of the reasons I am slowly developing a slight phobia of falling in love to begin with. Congratulations, Pro-life Movement, you are making me consider to live an old maid for the rest of my life and bear no children. But I digress.
Generation Life has this thing of scaring people with the oxytocin hormone and that it wears off over time due to too much sexual activity. They further tie this and the use of contraception in with the high divorce rate in the United States. But here's my problem: How do you know you will be with someone forever? My parents are currently going through a divorce now, it's painful, but breakups HAPPEN. Maybe the divorce rate is "increasing" because long ago it used to be FROWNED UPON societally and religiously?! I bet if divorce has always been acceptable, there would be more happily married people; many of the miserable ones would have long ended. But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it was those damn hippies in the 60s that started it all... (no joke. my presenter did toss them into this.)
4. In so many ways I call this argument a load of crap. Not every sexually active, unmarried couple does it for the fun. There are some who have been together for years, have sex, and share a commitment to love each other no matter what. Marriage is just publicly physical and religious proof that you belong to someone. Who knows: maybe a couple's "wedding" was a small promise made during a romantic event like - I dunno - sharing chocolates on Valentine's Day. In other words, the world is not black or white: there is always some grey in the middle of it all.
5. Again. Sex is about bonding, procreation, AND PLEASURE. If sex wasn't enjoyable... wait... I think I'm repeating myself now...
Yeah, Fangirl isn't in the mood to make a completely logical debate on this issue. Call me lazy. :/
Abortion *dances for joy*
To establish something here, I consider myself on the fence about this debate. I believe that if a woman gets pregnant very carelessly an wants out, she needs to take responcibility. But if the woman is in psychological pain and has exhausted every other therapeutic option - that's right LAST RESORT - I would say "it's your choice." In medical instances, again a last resort circumstance, I would nod my head to the practice. To be simple, I strongly believe in responcibility, but I recognize that there are some cases in which a woman might not be able to handle her pregnancy.
To establish something here, I consider myself on the fence about this debate. I believe that if a woman gets pregnant very carelessly an wants out, she needs to take responcibility. But if the woman is in psychological pain and has exhausted every other therapeutic option - that's right LAST RESORT - I would say "it's your choice." In medical instances, again a last resort circumstance, I would nod my head to the practice. To be simple, I strongly believe in responcibility, but I recognize that there are some cases in which a woman might not be able to handle her pregnancy.
This might be a stupid way to see the issue, but I'll say it anyway. For as long as there have been smart people, there have been stupid people. For as long as there have been women who love pregnancy, there were women who hate it. If people are desperate, they will find a way; with tokophobic women (and those with similar mental/emotional issues) they would find a way to end the pregnancy, even if it meant killing them. Poison, overdoses, coat hangers, the list goes on. As disgusting as it is, I think it is better to keep abortion legal so that professional doctors will provide care for the women who will be stubborn enough to kill her child anyway. If you make it illegal, the Prohibition Effect might occur: "black alley" abortion clinics with unskilled doctors and unsuitable tools.
Well, don't worry, I still think carelessness is no excuse to go for abortion. Now THAT is cowardice.
OVERALL
This post is very subjective, and I will not be surprised if many of you are offended. In a way, this was bottled up inside for a long tim and I wanted to let it out. I am aware that someone will stumble upon this and try to use this against me in some way. But I will finish with this.
All I wish is for someone to not make me fear for my life. I don't want a religious reason for why something is a certain way. My parents raised me to be a responsible person; the ideas are based off of simple concepts many religions have in common (ex: be careful of how you treat others, respect others and yourself, appreciate life, seek happiness, and find a way to live this life in a fulfilling way). I cannot call my values "Christian" exclusively, which is why I get annoyed when Generation Life slaps the Christian "God" label to include some and exclude others.
Maybe the point of chastity is simply these few things:
- love responsibly
- think before you act
- do what you believe is best for yourself
- don't let anyone push you into something you are unready for
It is only a shame that these statements are too vague for some people. Furthermore, it is awful that sex is such a "huge" society problem that no one wants to talk about. I guess I'm lucky to have had parents talk to me openly about the topic; I learned more in those chats at the dinner table than a religiously bias group preach about the horrors of not practicing "good values."
Well, lets see where this nasty hurricane will hit next...
