Origins of My Identity

Just for the sake of the curious (if any exist) and my boredom, why not I properly explain myself and my name (without drawing too much attention to myself)?
(DISCLAIMER: Pictures not owned by me. Credit goes to the owners.)

Why "Fangirl?"

Tragically, "fangirl" has been often used negatively. A dictionary I have on my computer states the definition of a "fangirl" as "an obsessive female fan (usually of movies, comic books, or science fiction,)" and it's the same for "fanboy," only as an obsessive male. Meanwhile, has quite interesting definitions for these two terms. A "fanboy" is deemed as a loyal, arrogant fan of geeky culture and who cannot accept anything straying from canon; a "fangirl" is a rabid breed of female who is obsessed with an actor, a singer, or a fictional character. Hmm. That's pretty insulting to me, but this might have been where my name started from.

Since 2006, I watched and read Naruto constantly until I ultimately breathed it. As a bonus, all of my friends at least heard of or liked the show, so it was always brought up whenever we would hang out. We obsessed so much over it, we all had a male character that we all "liked" and wrote fanfics about (don't ask.) One liked the hyperactive, empathetic Naruto; another liked the suave, arrogant Neji; another the angry, murderous Gaara; and I, for some odd reason, liked the lonely, vengeful Sasuke.

For the longest time me and my (at the time) best friend would always joke about how she liked Gaara and I liked Sasuke. But what took me a long time to admit was that I was, in a way, a Sasuke fangirl. But whenever I associated with "fangirl," I thought of the girls in the series and how they drool, squeal, and attempt to hug the poor guy when he doesn't give a damn about their existence!

Does it look like I would drool over a two-demensional creation
that in no way could come to life, no matter how much
personality he has? Of course not. There is a reason why
humans and created characters never made successful couples.

But after a while, I came to terms with the word, and I finally declared myself as a moderately psychotic Sasuke fangirl. It was in a way without the cat fights and pleasant fantasies. Life was good.

And while in my phase of interest in Japanese culture and language, I learned a few words and their meanings. One of which is "uchiwa," meaning a fan used to help stimulate flames; it's relevant to Naruto because Sasuke's surname is "Uchiha," a variant of "uchiwa," and the fact that his main ability is fire-based. But I digress.

Realizing that cool word helped form my first identity on Pandora. At first I was called "uchiha-fan-4" for a while. And for some reason, I got to like the word "fangirl" so much that I changed my name to "Fangirl Syndrome," showing that the trend is an illness. After many more variations with it, I have kept "Fangirl" close to me ever since. :)

Why "Melanie Light?"

This story is much shorter than the previous one, so don't worry!

After a while, I became a little uneasy and I wanted to change my Pandora username. I debated about what I would use. At one point, I realized that "Mel" was a pretty name, and that "Melanie" was even better. I liked the name a lot and I was sure enough to use it. But this was also back around spring/summer 2009, the earliest days of my HIM fandom. It was around then when I found on a particular website (it might have been when I finally learned that "Ville Valo" translates to "William Light".

Hmm... I think Ville Valo OR William Light both fit him just nicely. ^_^

And being the heartsick teenage girl I was and still am, I "coincidentally" developed a slight fangirl-ish attraction for this man that eventually I stole "Light" and added it to finish my username. Melanie Light. Then I realized not long ago that "Mel" means "dark." All this time I showed bias for Dark Light, HIM's album that supposedly brought doom on the band since they started selling CDs in the US. I'm so horrible! TT-TT


It eventually faded once I came up with .:Fangirls~Play~Dead:., but I brought it back when I signed up onto, LiveJournal, and this lovely blog.

Why call this blog an asylum?

Because I want to drive you so insane so you can never be normal again. ^_^

Okay, that's a half-truth. The other part is that this shows that I am a bit of a plague rat (Emilie Autumn ^_^), in my own room, which is a part of a special loony bin. Who runs it? The things and people who/that influence my life and I look up to. They are what I want to emulate or wish to take some aspect of, mix it up in my own way, and create something slightly different.

Finding a medium is still my goal as an artist. I have ideas, but no proper way of expressing them. Hopefully writing this blog will help me in some way. :/

What is your REAL name, Fangirl?

And that is a question I will not answer. :P

~ Melanie-"Fangirl"-Light 
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