28 October 2010

For Those Who Gave Up

Some debateble things are best not to be touched. For example, politics and religion reign supreme in the list of topics not to disscuss with anyone you please. Today's social atmosphere in America clearly proves this true. You can say tea, muslim, or health and you are bound to have someone, on the left or right, scream curses at you. While that happens, hundreds or thousands die of starvation while millions more continue to suffer. Three cheers for political cat fights!

Because I do not feel educated enough in this field, I will not rant on politics. The confusing ads about balancing the budget and new jobs make my ears and eyes bleed. However, part of this will involve religion... because my wish to talk about this stemmed from my *ahem* CATHOLIC Morality class. Nothing against Catholics, but my school makes it sound like no other type of morality exists or can be similar in any way. (Or no other morality exists.)

To start off class each day, we pray and state what intentions we want to share. One girl said she was worried about her friend, who hasn't been improving from his medical condition. But what caught my attention was what another girl said. Someone she knew commited suicide because he was made fun of so much and couldn't take it anymore. My teacher, hands resting on the back of his head, reclined back in his chair and struggled to find the right words to say. And what did the holier-than-thou, good ol' Catholic respond? "That's ridiculous."

Maybe those weren't his exact words, but he didn't have a single ounce of pity or sympathy in his voice. And my friends keep telling me he's a nice guy.

Obviously you can't always judge a man by his beliefs, but at this point, I might have a decent idea of how he is like. He's not a horrible person, but I can't get past his "good ol' Catholicism" preaching. This is a morality class for juniors, not seventh grade religion. But what bothers me is that he reminds me too much of a religion teacher I had back in fifth and sixth grade. She would force us to pray the rosary every day; to fill out activity sheets for two year olds; and to read the Bible every Friday. My class even watched when Pope Benedict XVI replaced Pope John Paul II. As a ten/eleven year old, that was torture to me. Now my current teacher isn't that bad, but I can still sense a similar approach to faith that she used.

But back on topic. What upset me was from his few, cold words, I almost felt a deep, subconscious hole in me, as if someone angry was repetedly punching me at full force.

In terms of the whole "is suicide justifiable" debate, I don't care if you think that poor person would go to heaven or hell. Would it be wrong to show some pity for him or her? Would you at least share a consoling word to the family of the suicide victim? Would you at least say, "What a tragedy. I am so sorry." with some emotion? From what I heard today, my teacher would say no.

To be blunt, I don't know if God/a god(dess), multiple gods/godesses, the devil, heaven, hell, or an afterlife exists. I don't have a desire to follow a certain creed if someone forces it down my throat. But I do mourn the death of anyone (though I probably wouldn't for a psycho like Hitler...) Though I never realy liked his music much, I was shocked by Michael Jackson's death. I was upset when Ronnie James Dio passed away this year. But maybe I feel the most sorry for suicide victims.

I used to be a very happy kid until I went to grade school. In second grade, I walked in smiling; at the end of third grade, I came out depressed. Making friends never came easy for me again. My peers either hated me or treated me as if I never existed. To this day, I still haven't recovered and I still don't know why I was always disliked. For the longest time, I only had one friend, who ultimately manipulated me emotionally near the end of our friendship. Boys never even tried to communicate with me, and from that, people assumed I was a lesbian. Because I still haven't (and might never) recovered from this, I robotically go through school until I can get the hell out. Some people NOW decide to acknowledge me a little bit. Though I am nice to some, I subconsciously let karma bite everyone else. It's not a polite or morally right thing to do, but I've had enough of it.

However, at the end of the day, I am still alive. My parents took me to therapy for the three of us for most of my fifth grade year. Three years later, things got easier and I finally found two really good friends. My peers weren't as bad as I once thought they were. Today, I have three good friends, who tell me to fix my hair and eyebrows and who put up with my rants. Now I feel more like a typical kid with basic issues. It took me ten years to get where I am now.

Those who took their own lives might not gone through a similar situation as me, but I do have some sympathy. There were times I wondered what would happen if I died one day. But I always knew my parents would be upset. My good friends would too. But what about my peers? Would some actually care? Would some bullshit and say I was their bestest buddy ever? Would they say I'd burn in hell? Or would they not care and ask "is someone missing? Hmm, maybe not?"

In my view, suicide is not something you can coldly tag as being a good or bad thing. Suicide is pathetic, and can be cowardly. But there is no reason to be rude about it. There is no reason to brush it off as something ridiculous. Suicide is not a "no-no" in a religious holy book. Suicide is a death of a suffering human being. Could he/she have been helped? Yes. Could have someone saved of stoped him/her? Yes. Is every case of suicide easy to judge? NO. Just like in My Sister's Keeper with the cancer girl and her sister, some cases of suicide can't be deemed as downright wrong.

To those who want to give up on life, hang on. Death is inevitable, and it's something we all have to come to terms with. But life is important too. Live as if it's your last day. Don't get lost in dreams of the past or the future. Live for today. To those who gave up, I pity you. For whatever reasons you had for leaving, I will not judge. I wish for comfort for you family and friends.

If you don't agree with anything I said, that's fine. But all I ask is to not be like my religion teacher. Even if you think suicide is pathetic, have a heart, or at least pretend you have one. This is especially true if you are around the person who was close to the suicide victim.

Depressing, eh? Well, again. Live the best life you can, whether you are Catholic, Muslim, an atheist, on the left or right political spectrum, or one on the west or east hemisphere. And when it comes to our end, que será será... whatever will be, will be. :)

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